The sun was shining. The temperature was rumoured to get up to 9 degrees today.
It was a little before midday so we were only at 8 degrees so far.
That mattered not to the people of Scotland who were effervescent with excitement. In the park, where we stood, people strode about in shorts and t-shirts smiling and laughing.
It was fucking freezing.
I huddled deeper into my winter jacket and watched the little boom play. He was attempting to climb up something. He too had a big winter jacket to keep him warm.
Nearby him a small boy about four years old sat clutching his knees and shivering. Obviously learning how to be Scottish.
The poor little tyke was wearing shorts and a vest. A vest being a wifebeater to our transatlantic cousins.
Interestingly, wifebeater is the nickname we Scots give to the beer Stella Artois.
I was hungover as anything. Despite the golden sun hanging like a fiery lion's testicle in the sky, everything seemed bleak.
I tried to remember a time before hungover morning visits to play parks. Was there one? I had a vague recollection of sleeping late followed by lazy lunches.
Surely such a thing couldn't be possible?
SATAN!!
I jerked out of my reverie. What the fuck? Satan!? Here? I hadn't even showered.
A woman nearby was shielding the sun from her eyes looking frantically about.
SATAN!?!
She shouted, terror in her voice.
She had every right to be terrified. If I wasn't so hungover I would be too at the news of the Dark Lord's escape from the underworld.
She ran forward then back, eyes darting about desperately.
Satan!!!! Where are you?!?
I was about to reassure her that she shouldn't worry, Satan would find her, when a grubby little boy about three years old came out of a climbing frame and grabbed her leg.
Oh there you are!!!
She looked relieved.
Was this Satan? Surely she hadn't named her son Satan? I could get it for the comedy value but there was only a certain mileage in that.
Poor kid.
The good lady came over with our daughter. She called out to the mother of Satan.
Oh hey Martha! Didn't see you there. You and Nathan having fun?
The Mother of Satan turned and smiled.
Oh hi! Yeah, we are! Nathan was hiding and I panicked for a second but here he is!
She gestured to Satan who she had now picked up.
I snorted to myself. Nathan...?
Pfft, a likely story.