This is a series about being yourself and the struggles that come with it. It is also a series about my life and the way i am trying to change it for the better. So the first part should be dedicated to the Mind Police
Read this while listening to my latest creation
The Mind Police
When i was 16, i decided to become an artist. I decided that i don't want to be a normal person. It seemed strange to me that i would have a boss, telling me when to wake up, when to take a break, when to learn a new skill. Your boss is like your parent. You have your feet under his/her table, so either you play by his/her rules or you will get punished. Worst case, they throw you out and you may never find a job again.
It is my deepest belief, that we are all sentient and creative beings. We have the highest level of potential of being free, among any species on this planet. After all, a bird can ever only be a bird. A cat can ever only be a cat. You will never see a pig read a book or play a piano (yet becoming a president seems an option still). Humans are the only one who have a choice. You can live in the desert or a jungle, between animals, for the rest of your life. You can live in a city, write novels and paint. Yet, for some reason, most people decide the best thing to do with their life, is to put it under the rule of someone else. 9-5, get your certificates, have a promotion once in a while, marry and die.
As soon as you say "No! I will try it on my own." culture starts to collapse on you. It's like a beast that gets angry and growls at you. How dare you disagree? We build that wonderful culture, that gives you everything: Food, clothing, a pleasant life, all the amenities you desire. All you need to do is keep your head low and play the game.
It's a sharp, cold wind, blowing into your face, showing you all the pictures of what will eventually happen to you. There you are, sitting alone in your room, noodling around on that foolish piece of "art". Isn't that just a hobby, something to do at your own time? The voice get's louder when you go on a stage: Now look at him, he really thinks he deserves an audience. Oh please, please make all people laugh and show him what a phony he is. - Wait, what? They like it. How do they not see through his swindle? PHONY! PHONY!
Eve's Apple
I don't think you can stop that voice from yelling at you. It is built into our culture. It is build in the very definition of what culture is: To be and do as others do, as to be part of their group. Also the second element of culture "To ridicule and deny all other forms of life." - That is what is meant by "integration" - it means: Don't dare to come here and think you can still act like you always did.
Going your own way means, you need find a way to live with that voice. It doesn't go away with success or money or being loved by others. That only makes the voice louder. Now there is even more that you don't deserve. I'm not going to tell you there is a happy end and with these "5 easy steps" you will feel good forever. This is not a feel good fantasy. This is me, telling you, that i am in the middle of that struggle. Harsh wind in my face, angry beast blocking my way. Looking into the mirror and saying "I hate you".
The thing is: Once you have bitten into eve's apple, there is no way of going back. I can't unsee the things i have seen. I can't unlearn the things i have learned. I know there is a world out there that i neither need to fear nor need to conquer. It is just there. Peaceful and open. Think about it: We all have needs and we all have a bit of money to pay for these needs. So when will there ever be a moment when you can't make money? Do you like nice things or fun music or a good novel? Well, these are all art products. Everything we use has been designed by someone. The more we enjoy an object, the more it was created by an artist.
Into the wild
You would think with that in mind we could never think of ourselves as worthless time wasters. Yet, there is a good reason why the Mind Police is always around: Culture is a war of tradition against innovation. It is the difference between an artisan and an artist. The artisan will (re)create what has been done before and will cherish the history, tradition and wealth of knowledge it is loaded with. The Artist will look at all that and says: That's wonderful, now let me try and change it. When that happen, the artisan becomes an artist. You could say that there are more novels already than any single person could read in a thousand lifetimes. Yet you would still feel the need to write another one - and ideally in a way that brings a new perspective to it or at least be your very own expression of things.
And that is where the struggle is: New is always a risk. Leaving the secure paths to explore the unknown. Being at high sea with no point of reference. Leaving the garden to enter the wild. More beasts and traps than anything else. Yet, this is the last adventure we can take: To explore ourselves and question who we are.
Photo source: unsplash.com
Find all my music here: https://elektromautzie.bandcamp.com/