From small we are influenced by fairy tales and got used to hear the famous phrase "and they lived happily ever" at the end of all stories. This imaginary child princess who knows the Prince and that everything works out in the end permeates fantasy to date of most adults. The decision to get married and share a life with someone is full of expectations and projects for the future. Include ideals and the desire to have full happiness, children, live in a beautiful home, experience daily mutual exchange of love and affection. But is it always so happens?
The life of a couple does not always work as well as you think. The living together is difficult, since they are two different people with different life histories, quirks and requirements gained over the years. Share all this sometimes becomes a very delicate mission and, in some cases, conflicting.
I have observed a significant increase in people suffering from serious problems in the relationship that culminates almost always in separation or divorce.
The routine
Over time it is natural that the couple get in a routine and that that initial passion and euphoria become quieter. In addition, over the years people tend to change, which can lead to a mismatch between the spouses, since the changes each of them do not seem to happen in the same direction. This often frighten couples and generate a clearance. They go to look differently and consequently to question their feelings and the relationship as a whole.
When a couple comes to falling out with some frequency, much can be done to try to renew and reenergize marriage. frank conversation, changing habits and routines, such as back to the beginning of dating programs are good strategies. Find an individual psychological help or for the couple often becomes necessary during this process, as it helps reflection and understanding of what you want for the future. Notice if there is still a desire to stay and rebuild the relationship, or if the separation is necessary so that each one can rewrite their stories. Decision-making becomes more solid and secure.
Decision-making
However, there are situations where even after several attempts, the couple can not understand and do not even live. The fights and discussions are frequent, there is a lack of mutual interest and the relationship of wear is sharp.
Making the decision to divorce requires courage to face the problems ahead and assume that that choice made previously failed. They admit to themselves and to the world, so in that sense, their plans failed. It is known well enough to realize that your relationship is not satisfactory and allow write another story from there. Every change requires courage and inner strength to happen.
Mourning
When the couple decides to divorce, it is not only the relationship ends, but all projects created for the future rupture. You have to learn to deal with a whirlwind of feelings that arise. Ranging from frustration, loss, sadness, fear, shame and insecurity.
It begins then a grieving process. The death of the ideals and expectations built for life. Death of a dream, a story that ended, death of costumed plans, future projects. Divorce, according to studies, is the second psycho-social event that generates greater psychological distress. Second only to the death of a loved one, that is, is a very difficult time in the life of anyone, regardless of whether friendly or litigious.
The feeling of fear and insecurity are very common because the divorced finds himself in a huge uncertainty to life. the daily rehabilitation, return to being alone and be independent, have autonomy, to resume a social interaction, dealing with uncertainties are able to rebuild a new relationship, afraid to regret the decision.
Sometimes we see situations where the fear of an uncertain future creates such a strong anxiety in divorced this prefers to reconcile with former partner. However, such behavior is often very harmful to the couple, since this return was driven by insecurity and not by the desire to re-establish the relationship. Consequently, after a while marital problems return generating even more wear and suffering for both sides.
And now? restructuring
I once heard a person say that divorce "is a roller coaster of feelings." Therefore, it is important to respect and respect their time. Allow yourself to mourn the loss, stop and reflect on what went wrong and how you plan to follow the life to reconstruct its history. Avoid hurry to start another relationship.
Life is built based on trial and error! When we hit we feel full and safe to move forward. When we make mistakes we must pick ourselves up, learn from what went wrong and move on. In emotional life and relationships can not be different! We have to try to delve more and more into ourselves, to realize what we want and where we want to guide our path. The help of a psychologist is very important in helping to make this process of overcoming and change can occur more fully and safely.
Do not be afraid of trials and not be ashamed for trying to change! It's your life, then it is lived the way you judge be best to trace your history.
Be happy!