Are you irrationally-concerned about what others think about you? Do you have an almost additive need to be needed, that you can only feel good about yourself if you are making someone else feel good? Do you literally never say "no" when someone asks your help, or straight-up wants you to do something that does not benefit you in any way?
I am a recovering "People Pleaser", and yes it is an illness, the main symptom of which is putting everyone else ahead and above yourself. Over time, this causes great harm to one's personality, which in-turn negatively impacts all aspects of one's life - relationships, job advancement, and greatly inhibits self-expression. The People Pleaser begins to forget what they want from life, they feel they deserve nothing and devalue their own self-worth while seeing everyone else, even strangers as better and more worthy of success and happiness. In the hollowed-out space where your healthy-degree of confidence should be, there is only hunger for the approval of others. The problem is, others can see this, and distance themselves immediately or worse, take advantage of your need - which begins a downwardly-spiraling vicious cycle.
This is what makes STEEM such a difficult place to survive for these folks ... they try, they chase, they post and vote, they try to form connections in hopes to benefit from mutual aid, but they are ignored .. why? It is because posts that are authored with the absolute "need" to have them well-received, are obvious - they are not genuine, the writer does not seem to be behind their words ..they are uncertain, the words often not their own .. they are hollow. Another symptom of being a People Pleaser are the sometimes extreme reactions to rejection - ranging from silent despair to violent rage . Their reactions are to 1) walk away defeated, to 2) remain silent and disengaged, or to 3) in typical passive-aggressive fashion, go on the attack - after all the fake smiling and wishful thinking, they are now angered and will attempt to degrade and disrupt what they see as the unfairly achieved success of others.
The People Pleaser is often anxious, lack sleep, and suffer low-energy expended thinking about what others are thinking about you, and not enough time doing what you need to do, to feel the way you should. If one does not face this and actively work to change it, they are at great risk of depression
THERE IS A WAY OUT!
The road to recovery begins with the simple realization that you suffer this affliction, why, and then take a few simple steps to re-train yourself out of these behaviours. The cause is sometimes difficult to nail down, but is most often rooted in the individual being rejected by an important person in their lives - a parent, or partner .. or if they received love only conditionally by such a person, or if one also suffers an debilitating fear of failure, perhaps they were serverely punished for small-mistakes when they were very young. The thing one must realize is that the cause is in the past, and therefore no longer affecting the course you are on in life.
Change Course!
- You have a choice! Be aware of your thoughts and mindful of your emotional reactions, understand which are helpful and are legitimately based on what is occurring 'right now', and not an echo from the past causing you to misinterpret and move you in the wrong direction.
Learn to say No ... practice it!
STEEM-Benefit: You'll be able to find the time to write - to be 'in the moment' without self-generated negative-noise, draining your creative-energy.
- Set Your Priorities - Think more about what YOU need, what YOU want, what YOU think .. what YOU want to say. This is the source of a genuine voice - many influences yes, but your interpretation .. your objectives .. your message. Take actions that reinforce and bring you closer to what YOU find of value.
STEEM Benefit: More time to write! :)
- Set Limits - If you decide to help someone with something, say to what extent and how for how long. If that something is clearly detracting from your own objectives / schedule, then you simply have to pass or walk. After a time, you will know if what you do for others is enough or not, if the requests made of you are reasonable or if you have been manipulated to serve the goals of others, taking away from your own.
STEEM Benefit: Yep .. more time to write to think about and say what YOU want to say.
- When people react to you, or ask you for something, or just seem to be giving you the old "up-n-down", take a pause and think .. do you really want to help this person, do you have something better to do, do you really need to care what they think of you .. are you stopping yourself from saying what is on your mind, because someone you don't really need to be concerned about may be upset? Consciously take opportunities to say "I disagree .. and here is why.... " calmly let yourself be known, and let them put that in their pipe and smoke it!
STEEM Benefit: This is why you are here .. to bring your unique self out into the light, and share the perspective that only YOU have - if you do so, you will not be ridiculed and perhaps even gain some fans.
Here's hoping someone found this helpful! :)