"Gay people should all be taken out and shot,” I said. I was 16 and knew everything. Today one of my closest friends is gay, and I cringe to think of what I said 20 years ago. But those words actually came out of my mouth.
I didn’t hate gay people. You can’t hate someone you’ve never met, and I’d never met a gay person. What I hated was the idea of gay people. Homosexuality was scary. I hated it because I didn’t understand it.
I’d grown up in a fundamentalist Christian environment. Sex was for procreation and homosexuals couldn’t procreate. Well, of course they could, but not by having sex with each other.
We weren’t taught to hate them, we were taught that they needed Jesus. But I took it further because I was afraid of contamination. Catching the gay.
I didn’t understand.
We’ve progressed since then. We have gay marriage in some countries. Some of us are proud supporters.
Some of us still want them all shot.
Why? What drives such extreme attitudes?
Fear of the unknown.
You and I know that there’s no more difference between a homosexual and a heterosexual than between a short person and a tall person. Less even, since there’s no visual difference. But I didn’t always know this. Maybe you didn’t either. Some people still don’t.
I first knowingly met a gay person at the age of 19. A random conversation on the street with a perfect stranger. We were both walking the same direction and started talking. Interesting guy. Nice guy. It came out later in our conversation that he was gay.
Did I run screaming down the street in terror? Did I back away slowly, keeping a close on eye on his hands? Did I feel fear? Revulsion? Hatred?
No. None of those things. I was a bit wary, wondering whether he was interested in me in that way. But the damage of getting to know him a bit was already done. There was no going back. He was an interesting, likeable, normal person. And I couldn’t forget that. I couldn’t unlearn it.
Now that I’d met a gay person, they were no longer scary and unknown. I still believed they needed Jesus and I still believed homosexuality was unnatural. It would be another 5-6 years before I changed my opinion on that. But the hate was gone. The intolerance was gone.
Fear isn’t the only reason for intolerance. But it’s a big one. People with bigoted, xenophobic, or intolerant attitudes tend to have small social circles and a narrow range of experiences.
If you travel the world or mingle with people of different ethnicities, cultural backgrounds, sexual preferences, political viewpoints, religious beliefs, and life philosophies, it’s difficult to hold onto such attitudes.
The more you get away from your comfort zone, the more you discover that most people in the world think differently than you do. Taking the next step and realizing their value as people may not be immediate, but once they start earning your respect and becoming your friends, it’s almost inevitable.
Most of us are holding on to a few intolerances or misunderstandings that we may not even recognize. Why not reach out today and talk to someone from outside your circle?