Yesterday morning, an old friend who I haven't had much contact with for about twenty years posted this photo on facebook. No comment, just this photo. Of course, I knew what it meant - at least, I felt I could tell what it meant. It was a suicide note, even if in not so many words - and if not a suicide not, it was certainly a cry for help.
Over the past two weeks, I'd seen his life fall apart publicly on facebook. First he announced his divorce and said he was going to live on his boat. Then he lost his job. Then he lost his boat. The last word from him was that he was staying in a hotel. He'd written two statuses - one that said 'Pretty much done' and the next that said 'Very much not ok. But fuck it.' And then this photo.
This isn't the first time I've seen people post on facebook of their intention to end their life. Actually, it's the third, and in all three cases, the cause and the intention was convincing enough to make me believe that they really meant to do it.
In all three cases, I've also been so far away from those people that there was very little I could do to help them. What could I do? I hadn't seen this friend for about twenty years. I like him, we had some good times together, although I always held a kind of resentment towards him since he got to be with a girl I was in love with for years, while I never did. But that was a long time ago and not really something to hold against him.
I wrote a comment on his post:
'That's a really worrying post. I hope you're not seriously thinking of doing what the picture suggests - or that you wouldn't do that (or haven't already) .. your journey isn't over yet .. maybe the best part is just beginning. I hope you have friends around you can turn to. I'm sure you do. Take care.'
What else could I say or do?
Other comments and messages started pouring in. Friends who were all worried about him, begging him to make contact. He wasn't answering his phone. Nobody knew where he was.
About midnight, he finally wrote a comment on his post:
'Still here but undecided. Thanks everyone for being understanding. The big problem is that I don't have access to drugs any more.'
Everybody breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't gone through with it, at least not yet - so there was still hope. It was also a good sign that he still had a spark of humour left in him. I think it helped him to know there were people around who cared about him. I think it made a difference. A tragedy was averted, for now at least. It was the same with the other two friends. Neither went through with it after they made their cry for help and saw the love and support come pouring in. Life went on, things got better.
This morning a friend of mine who is always too busy to come and see me, sent me a message:
'Hey, I'm with a flat tire... any chance you can come to help me?'
An hour later I replied, 'I just woke up... did you get help?'
'Yes thanks :-) '
'Oh good' I replied, 'Thanks for calling on me for help. You can call any time.'
Everyone goes though hard times sometimes. Everyone feels alone, lost, helpless and hopeless at times. Everyone needs someone sometimes, just to listen. There's no shame in asking for help. We're all here to help each other through. If not, then what else are we here for?
If you need to talk to someone, if you don't feel you can talk to a friend then call the Samaritans. It's free to call.