From Believer to Atheist (My personal journey and my problems with organised religion)


Warning!

This post is about religion.  If you are offended by someone talking frankly about religion then please move on.  

I believe in freedom of speech and that includes the freedom for me to speak openly about religion.

It is not my intention to offend anyone but I'm sure there are people out there who will be offended by this.  If that is you save yourself the aggravation and move on.  

This is also a long post but if you can get to the end you will be rewarded with a photo of a cute kitten.


Introduction

I have found myself being more contemplative about life in recent years.  A lot of this relates to me having health problems.

Being in and out of hospital and waiting for medical appointments tends to lead to greater introspection.

Generally we tend go through our lives with little thought for our health until something goes wrong.  When something does go wrong with our health we often reflect on our lives, our place in the world, our own mortality and perhaps also our spiritual beliefs.

My intention here is to cover a bit about my religious background and also some of the fundamental problems that I see with religion now.


My Religious Background

I grew up in a Muslim family and throughout my very early childhood I never really questioned my belief in God.  My parents were and still are religious but very moderate in their beliefs.  

They are not the kind of people who make a show of their religion.  Neither are they the kind of people that enforce their views or opinions about anything on others.

I remember religion as always being a part of my life from an early age (until I later started to question it).

I went to a fairly strict Christian school where we would have daily morning prayers, religious classes and there was definitely a very culturally religious atmosphere there.  

Basically the default view of everyone there was a belief in God and anyone who didn't believe stood out.  Nobody was every made uncomfortable about not believing it was just the case that it was unusual.

Outside of school I went to religious classes on the weekends.  Both my religious classes and school environment had a synergistic effect on my religious beliefs and faith in the existence of God.  


First Religious Classes

The first place I went to was actually run by a doctor who was very science minded and actually a really nice man.  He treated everyone with care and respect and was very patient with everyone.  

We would learn about Islam in a historical context and have readings from the Koran which basically had the same stories that we would read about from the Bible in school. 

He would take care to explain to us what the stories meant making it clear that was his understanding and that different people might having different views depending on their own personal beliefs.  

I was struck between how similar the many teachings and stories were and only later realised this was because these religions had the same lineage.  

The fact that these stories were very much the same as what I read in Bible classes had a reinforcing effect on my belief because I didn't know any better.


The Molvi and Old School Teaching

Later I had to go to an alternative place for my religious education and that is where I first began to have my doubts.  I had to attend them with my brother who was 3 years younger than me.  

These classes were run by an old man known as a "molvi" (which can mean religious teacher like Imam) who believed in old school teaching methods.  

By old school I mean he would hit kids with a cane if they made a mistake or if the cane wasn't to hand he would twist their ear, slap them or carry out some other sort of physical punishment.  

He really seemed to enjoy doing this too.  

I was a tough kid and though I was only about 11 or 12 years old at the time I was bigger than him.  Not only that, I was pretty handy with my fists and wasn't averse to using them.


Making a Molvi.......(Back Down)

The first time he tried to hit me with his cane I pulled it out of his hand smacked him on the arm with it - not hard enough to do any real damage but just to make him stop.  It was more of a reflexive action and to be honest it shocked both of us.  

I had never actually hit an adult before.  I wasn't scared of him or what he was going to do I was just scared that I would be in trouble with my parents for hitting an old man.  

As I looked into his eyes I knew he was terrified because nobody had ever had the guts to stand up to him before.  

He was at heart just a coward who didn't expect anyone to fight back.

I remembered past occasions such as when I had watched him hit a child who could be no more than about seven just for the mistake of misprounouncing a single word from an entire chapter of the Koran which he had memorised.  

The kid had burst into tears and the man had shown little sympathy for this berating him for acting like a "baby".  

I gave the old man back his stick and told him that if he ever hit me or my brother again he would really regret it.  

He tried to make some excuses about that was how children learned and some  that is the way he had been taught and his father had been taught but I really wasn't listening.  I was in too much of a rage at the time.

I went off and used his phone and called my parents to come and get me.  

When I told my parents what had happened they decided against sending me back there.  They weren't angry with me and whilst they didn't condone violence I think they had harsh words with the old man for his unorthodox instruction techniques.


Religion Is A Justification For Bad Behaviour

What really started kindling doubts within me was that this old man who was outwardly religious and pious was actually just really ignorant and stupid.  

He was a terrible teacher and instead of improving his teaching technique and abilities he would project his inadequacies on to children - physically punishing them for the slightest mistake.  Basically he was a bully and he used his postion of power to exert control over those who were weaker than him.

That was my first realisation that organised religion is a vehicle for entirely human desires and wants.  It has little if anything to do with spirituality.  People use religion as a method for carrying out whatever actions they want to carry out.  It is an enabler for their pre-existing pathology.

The most insidious form of this is when government and religion get tied together. This is seen in many Islamic countries and tends to limit freedom and change quite substantially. We can also see how this tends to reinforce corruption and worsen poverty and inequality.


Fake Piety and Control

As I started to get older and move into my teenage years I started to realise more and more how the vast majority of religious people that I encountered were just "fakes".  

Their professions of piousness and spirituality were complete BS.  

Their charitable nature and acts of kindness were almost always motivated by some other ulterior motive - either to get fame, acclaim, make money or network with wealthy people.

I was not opposed to spritiuality or a belief in God but it seemed to me the biggest problem with organised religion was the "people" who got in the way.

Often these people would offer interpretation, instruction and most worryingly try to impose their opinions on others as a means of controlling them and getting what they wanted.


Organised Religions and Memetic Contagion

Organised religions in general seemed to me to be a means of exerting control over populations and their ability to think and act freely. As the famous quote from Karl Marx states "Religion is the opium of the masses". By keeping people "hooked" on religion governments can distract them from other pressing issues.

What bothers me is this idea that those who have some sort of spiritual idea must spread it like a mental contagion and in some cases enforce it upon others against their will.  This is not accidental.  Most religions have built into their central doctrines the idea that one must spread them and convert others.

Furthermore governments also assist in this kind of work by giving religious organisations special privileges like charitable status and tax exemption.  

This is particularly strange given that I personally think that many of these organisations exist solely for the enrichment of their founders.  I'm sure they would dispute this but I have seen too many examples of this myself.

Personally I believe that in the 21st century ALL civilised states should be SECULAR with freedom of religion and FREEDOM FROM RELIGION.


Why Does Our Belief Matter to God and Why Does He Get Jealous?

One of the final nails in the coffin for my belief in the conventional religiously defined God was the sheer pettyness and immaturity of him as a figure.  

Read most religious texts and you come to realise that the most evil character is not Satan but God.  He seems to revel in murdering, torturing and inflicting all sorts of ills on multitudes of people.  It seems to be his main pass-time.  

You must be good and follow all sorts of rules which he then goes and completely ignores.

"Do as I say and not as I do" - seems to be his mantra.  

Further this the all powerful God will only reward you for your good deeds only if you believe in him and profess your support for him.  

He also gets very jealous if you look at any other alternatives.  

If you make any mistakes and don't follow all his rules he punishes you with eternal torment in hell.  This does not strike me as being particularly merciful or Godly.  

Indeed this kind of God seems to be worse than the average human being.


Sometimes You Can't Even Change Your Mind

The insane thing is in some states you aren't even allowed to change your mind about your religion. For example if you are born a Muslim and say at some point "I don't believe" - you could get into a lot of trouble or even executed in certain backwards countries.

I'm not just singling out Islam though - until a couple of hundred years ago the same could technically happen to Christians too and I'm sure there are still some communities of Christians out there where it might still happen.  There is blood on the hands of all religions.  

The enforcement of religious belief through the threat of violence is a particularly crazy form of control.  It doesn't even make any sense.  You can't force someone to believe in something.  They may tell you that they believe just to get you to leave them alone but that has nothing to do with their actual internal beliefs.  It is insane.

Religion and spirituality should be private matters that are left to the individual to decide for himself or herself.  It should have no effect on anyone else what I do or don't believe unless as a result of it I am actively bringing harm to them.  As long as that is not the case it absolutely none of their business if I worship Stephen Hawking or the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

People change their minds all the time.  Punishing them for it is patently ridiculous.


Religious Beliefs Arise Out of Fear

Fear is one of the primary motivators of people.  

Fear of uncertainty is one of the greatest fears there is.  Death is both a certainty for us and something which holds great uncertainty because we are unable to conceive the cessation of our own existence.

To compensate for this fear people basically convince themselves that there is an old man with a big white beard who lives in the sky and looks over them.  

By building a whole structure around this belief, along with organisations and books to support this delusion they hope to reinforce this belief.  It is all completely ridiculous to anyone using any kind of logical or rational, grown up thinking.

As a child I also believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fair but I grew up and realised how ridiculous these concepts were.  To me conventional religious beliefs are not different other than the privileged cultural space and protection that they are given.

To me a lot of religious beliefs are just as ridiculous and crazy. No offence to anyone who may be religious that's just my personal opinion. 


Freedom of Religion Means Freedom from Religion Too

Personally I believe people should keep their religious beliefs to themselves.  

If you are trying to ram your religion down my throat then it doesn't really show that you respect my own personal ability to make my own decisions or think for myself.  

Most religions encourage this kind of thinkinig and it encourages intellectual laziness.


Jesus Lives and He is Probably in a Psychiatric Hospital Near You

If you want to meet Jesus, a prophet or even Satan for that matter visit your nearest mental hospital.   

They will likely have at least one but don't take too long - because modern anti-psychotic medication and psychotherapy might mean they can actually recover form that their psychosis rather than gathering a bunch of followers to reinforce their delusions.


Because God Told Me

Any nut, terrorist or otherwise maladjusted individual can easily justify their actions by saying "God told me to do it."  

Whilst I can sympathise (but not agree) with people who have a mental illness saying this I have trouble taking any politician or public official who says this seriously.  

Either they truly mean it and they aren't mentally well enough to do what they are doing or it is a cynical ploy to get the support of gullible religious people.  

Either way it is not good.


My Current Situation

All of the above doesn't mean I'm not spiritual at all.  I think spirituality is a part of human nature and consciousness.  I do believe there may be something greater than us and whilst I am skeptikal in nature I do try to keep an open mind.

Also I can get just as much spiritual wonder and feelings of enlightenment through Science and just regular life as I ever could by going to a church, a temple or a mosque.

My parents accept the fact that I no longer believe but I still do have to occasionally "play along" with some of my relatives who are simply incapable of accepting that anyone might not believe in God.  

To them it would be more acceptable for me to become a Satanist than an atheist (at least Satanists might still believe in God).

In these cases I tend to hold back on sharing my feelings on religion but I don't actively lie.  If any of my relatives asked me directly if I believe in God or Islam - I would tell them the truth.  

I suspect many of them probably know to some extent but it is easier for them to just ignore the topic and keep "it in the closet".  That way we can avoid any awkward moments or conversations that might result from discussing it.


Conclusions

At it's core religion seems like an excuse for people to engage in a collective and delusional form of groupthink.  

This absolves them of some of the responsibility to think for themselves and also offers a distraction from both the difficulties of life and their genuine fears about the future including their own mortality.  

If that was all then it perhaps wouldn't be so bad but people use the acceptable delusions of religion to justify their actions.

It also absolves them from a certain amount of responsibility for their actions in life by offering a method for redeeming themselves and having their sins forgiven despite unethical behaviour and offering them an afterlife.

Not only that but as we have seen throughout history and right into modern times religious beliefs can be and indeed are used to justify horrendous actions.

It does seem, however, that people are waking up and starting to think for themselves.  More and more people are describing themselves as atheists, agnostic or lacking in religious beliefs.  Even more people are rejecting organised and traditional religion in favour of their own personal spirituality.

Hopefully we will continue to see these trends continue as I feel it will only benefit humanity in the long term.

Anyway I have said enough for now.  

I hope you enjoyed reading this and it was not too much of a chore.  Please have your say in the comments below.


Here is Your Reward For Getting To the End


If you like my work please follow me and check out my previous posts on science, photography and a variety of other topics  @thecryptofiend - hope you enjoy.


Image credits: All images are from my personal Thinkstock account.


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