1 is the Lonely Number
Marriage is a tricky affair in South Korea. It isn’t so easy to nail it as two people who love each other coming together. In fact, very few Koreans would describe the event as that and would admit to feeling many more than the pressure of commitment when it comes to that decision. Marriage bundles up so many auxiliary decisions - compatibility of families, socioeconomic standing, disruption of current lifestyles, educational and professional considerations, and sibling(s) status. Can you feel the headache yet? Koreans certainly can and this reality is heavily impacting the plummeting rates of marriage in the country.
What to do? Source
I’ll give you a pretty typical male perspective. By the time an average man has gone through the educational system, committed his mandatory service in the military, and worked for a few years, enough to have some financial security and independence, they’re likely to already have hit the early 30s. Add on a couple of dating trials and you’re looking at a whole generation of men in their mid-to-late 30s who are anxious about marriage.
This is where people take drastic measures, usually submitting to situations akin to arranged marriages or, and this is what I’ll be focusing on today, marriages where men and women just resign to an “eh, okay” type of situation.
What to do? Source
Now this all sounds so dystopic to many who live in more socially free nations like the US and around Europe and Latin America. For many of us, marriage has a spiritual component that prevents us from just marrying anyone. But in Korea, it still remains highly transactional and objective due to many complex reasons.
They all cumulate to a very common situation where people quickly grow tired of the baggage and pressure that comes along with dating and especially dating with the intent to find a life partner. You’ll hear repeated stories of couples almost set to say their vows but due to family influence or a combination of the aforementioned considerations, fail to make the final step and are cast into trying again. The problem comes down to dating as a personal choice but marriage as a family one.
Dejected Men
If you ever meet a single man in his mid/late-30s, you may hear this phrase - "Dating Mannerism.” Unlike what the literal words actually mean, the phrase in Korean signifies the idea that a man will marry whoever he ends of dating next. This person is likely sick and tired of the arduous journey of trying to find a spouse and being shut down again for one reason or another. As such, many have found it easier to just announce before dating another person to everyone, including family and friends, that the next one will be the final one. It’ll become very explicit in his conversations with his date that marriage is the ultimate goal.
What to do? Source
It’s a self-perpetuating wheel of trauma as people commiserate their unfortunate and doomed fates to marry without real choice or freedom. Despite this younger generation’s wishes to depart from the ultra-conservative ideals of marriage of their parents, they find themselves imprisoned by inescapable pressures.
What do you think? Can you empathize with these sorts of bachelors? Has the awfulness of dating in a conservative society ever encouraged you to simply give up? Let me know your thoughts below.
