At the destination--Yahiko Shrine, Niigata, Japan.
Well, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but well worth it. I feel like I learned some important lessons about mind, muscles, and music.
Yesterday I endeavored to run farther than I ever have in my life. I broadcast my intention here on Steem and, as usual, putting the words out there, committing myself to something for all to see, helped to cement it in my mind that I was going to finish. Mindset. My mind was set.
Something that really jumped out at me in the middle of the run, though, was how much it is the mind that determines things. Even at 17 miles, when my poor body had given up, I noticed that if the song on my headphones was right, and I was in an "I am going to do this" wave of thinking, I could run faster and press on more steadily than when, for example, I thought maybe I had lost my way on a mountain road, and could not see the goal, or a song I did not want to hear at the moment came on.
The fatigue in my muscles had not changed, but in so many ways, it really was my mind that was more important than the state of the muscles in my legs, in regard to finishing the course. With each turn, a new mindset would come. When my shoe came untied on a dangerous part of the coastal road as cars whizzed by, dangerously close, I noticed that my mind was full of thoughts like these: You can't do it. This is silly. This is too dangerous. You didn't plan well enough.
When I found myself at an open stretch of road with a beautiful view of the mountainous, golden-green September landscape, thoughts like this would come to me: You got this. This is awesome. Wow! Look how beautiful this all is!
The most important thing I learned (an observation that has come to me many times) is that one must press on, regardless of the "feeling buzz" or lack thereof.
When I found myself on a strange mountain road, or running in what appeared to be the wrong direction--losing sight of Mt. Yahiko--I could feel myself considering giving up. At 13 miles, as I fought through tired, tired legs and hurting ankles, I actually began to tear up. Weird shit was coming out. Buried shit. All the pains and frustrations of my recent past that I had been trying to keep at bay just fucking began to seep out. I was sure this was my "wall." Muscles aching, teary-eyed, and not sure if I was on the right path, I actually felt better than I ever have in my life, in a strange way. I felt I was at the "bottom," in a place of just raw determination. I was amazed when these feelings of fatigue subsided considerably and I was able to keep running. I did not know my body was capable of such a thing. Or my mind.
Music.
I started my long run this time listening to Beethoven. It was fantastic. Running by the sea while piano sonatas and fifth symphonies flowed through me and seemed to actually be part of myself and my surroundings. This was excellent. I cannot really describe it, so maybe a quote from a favorite book will do. The following is an excerpt from a novel by Carson McCullers, called The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. Music is a central theme in this story, and I really like this passage where Mick, the young girl protagonist of the story describes hearing Beethoven:
How did it come? For a minute the opening balanced from one side to the other. Like a walk or march. Like God strutting in the night. The outside of her was suddenly froze and only that first part of the music was hot inside her heart. She could not even hear what sounded after, but she sat there waiting and froze, with her fists tight. After a while the music came again, harder and loud. It didn’t have anything to do with God. This was her, Mick Kelly, walking in the day-time and by herself at night. In the hot sun and in the dark with all the plans and feelings. This music was her – the real plain her.
Now, onto more training, and living life in the same way I ran. When shit gets doubtful, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that your goal is inside you, and when the feeling's good, run with the wind to that fuckin' mountain shrine!
~KafkA
(Thanks for stopping by. If you missed the last installment of MARATHON BLOG, number 19, you can find it HERE. If you want to know why I am keeping this blog, and the inspiration for starting such a record on the blockchain, you can find the first MARATHON BLOG post HERE.)
Graham Smith is a Voluntaryist activist, creator, and peaceful parent residing in Niigata City, Japan. Graham runs the "Voluntary Japan" online initiative with a presence here on Steem, as well as Facebook and Twitter. (Hit me up so I can stop talking about myself in the third person!)
