I had always intended upon writing a "welcome the-baby-gorilla" post having had my 2nd little bundle of joy arrive last Wednesday (still deciding on the name!) but instead, I feel like having a tired, angry rant about the utter madness that ensues straight after birth. Well, maybe not straight after, that bit's ok where you're in a room by yourselves, getting to know your new, little one. It's the bit after that I'd like to talk about.
Do a search for "postnatal ward" and the above is what you get. Smiling, happy parents, fresh faced, smiling, awake, full of energy.
That image can fuck off.
What you have, in Brighton Hospital at least, is 8 emotionally and physically exhausted women in a ward, accompanied by 8 screaming babies and the constant noise of a midwife exclaiming "IS SOMEONE BUZZING", swiftly followed by "OVER HERE".
What kind of deranged, utter c*** thinks that's a healthy environment for what is undoubtedly the most exhausting time in a woman's life? Thank f*** this time there aren't 8 families with their children dicking about in the room as well.
Not only that, why do people feel the need to have their phone on full volume when they're glued to their fucking phone anyway? And when asked by a midwife to politely "shut the fuck up", decide to phone a friend and complain about how desperate they are to go home because some moany, emotional bitch was getting upset (the emotional woman in question had a poorly baby who was being looked after elsewhere due to their illness).
I didn't realise how angry this has made me until now.
Thank fuck the-mrs-gorilla and the-baby-gorilla only needed to spend 1 night in that hell hole.
Good news though is we're all home and getting used to family life. the-toddler-gorilla is scared of the-baby-gorilla at the moment and is keeping out of the way and we're doing our best to keep things as normal as possible for him. Which is hard, when he's falling out of bed twice a night and then up and at them before 6am every morning.
No wonder I'm tired and angry.
It gets better though. I know this. Once we're in a routine. Unfortunately, that's not tonight. I wonder if I'll be even angrier tomorrow. My 3 Chelsea players all started so maybe I'll be happy. Unless Brighton score. 0-0 would be perfect please.