This is my heavy metal song. It's not a heavy metal song.
Lyrics:
Don't eat heavy metals, don't eat heavy metals
Silver can be a useful investment
And stacking can sure be fun too
But stick to investing instead of ingesting
Unless you're inspired to turn blue1
Don't eat heavy metals, don't eat heavy metals
Selenium comes from Brazil nuts
It's good in a tiny amount
But eat too much and your hands will lose touch
And all of your hair will fall out.2
Don't eat heavy metals, don't eat heavy metals
Some people will tell you that mercury's ancient
Antibiotic technology
It's true it was used for hundreds of years3
But there's a problem - we're made of biology.4
Don't eat heavy metals, don't eat heavy metals
Cadmium's great if you're making paint
For yellows and reds it delivers5
But people who eat it will quickly find
They're missing their kidneys and livers.6
Don't eat heavy metals, don't eat heavy metals
We all know that lead is bad for your head7
Its toxicity's very well known
But always remember the healthiest thing
Is having a brain of your own.
Don't eat heavy metals, don't eat heavy metals
Don't eat heavy metals, don't eat heavy metals
Really.
I didn't mean to write a new song this week but this one just came to me today for some reason. This is the first new complete song from Here Comes Pseudoscience in quite a while. Looks like playing the Open Mic game is having some of its desired effects.
Notes:
1. While ingesting silver has no known deleterious health effects, it does cause one notable cosmetic change: it can cause the skin to turn dark blue or purple, a condition known as arygria (left). Arygria is a permanent, incurable condition but is not known to have any physical effects beyond the color change.(source)
2. Selenium is an essential nutrient for the human body in very small quantities, but larger amounts can be significantly toxic. Selenium toxicity effects the nervous system and can cause peripheral neuropathy (numbness and false sensations in the hands, feet, and head, which I can tell you from personal experience is no fun at all) and hair loss.(source)
3. I could go on at length about the historic use of mercury in attempts to cure all sorts of diseases. It was being used for its antibiotic properties even before anyone knew that diseases were caused by microscopic organisms. It was particularly associated with the syphilis epidemic in Europe, from Paracelsus in the 16th Century all the way to the early 20th, before being supplanted by Penicillin.(source)
4. Mercury was so well-used because it was truly an effective antibiotic. The trouble was, it was too effective. It killed bacteria but it also had strong negative effects on human systems, particularly the neurological system. Ingesting mercury can cause permanent brain damage, which might explain a lot about Enlightenment Europe. (source)
5. Cadmium pigments in the red-orange-yellow range are highly valued by artists as the first chemical pigments in those colors to achieve significant permanence. The visual quality and intensity of their colors also adds to their appeal. Cadmium is also widely used to color plastic products.(source)
6. I had to choose something for the song, but cadmium is toxic to nearly every part of the body. It accumulates in the kidneys and liver and can cause failure of those two organs, but it's also toxic to the neurological system, the lungs, the skin, and the digestive tract. Plus it's a carcinogen and a teratogen. Wonderful stuff. Don't eat it.(source source)
7. Lead makes all of the rest of these elements look friendly. It causes pretty much everything negative you can think of, possibly even including crime. But it's most well-known for causing widespread brain damage in children. While most of the rest of these elements are still in wide use, large-scale public efforts have been made to remove lead exposure from daily life, it being recognized as dangerous in everything from gasoline to water pipes to house paint. (source source)
Really, really, do not eat any of these things, no matter what anyone tells you. (Except trace amounts of selenium as directed by your doctor.) Please.
Proceeds from this post go toward awarding bonus prizes for original songs in Open Mic.