So.. I've been particularly nasty lately towards people I disagree with in regards to certain moral issues. And.. I watched this "Christian" video the other night, which.. I think the guy is out of his mind bat shit insane, BUT.. He did bring up an interesting point that made me stop and reflect.
When I was younger, I was really good at restraining myself, physically and verbally, I had a phase where.. I barely ever cursed, I had this belief that.. There was something not good about it. Like, it was weak almost to stoop to such levels and I felt like the more you entertained it, the worse it would get, kinda like lying or cheating or any of the fucked up things people tend to get consumed by... Usually once you let it happen even a lil bit, the flood gates burst open.
And lately my flood gates have definitely been burst open, I've blocked and unfriended and been mean as hell to a lot of peeople.. For year I was one of the only admins in a political forum with virtually rules except no death threats, and I barely ever blocked anyone.. In like 4 or 5 years I had only blocked about 4 or 5 people.. Though, I swear I've probably blocked or unfriended like 30-50 people on Facebook in the last year, haha.
Okay.. So.. Anyways, back to the Christian dude.. He was claiming that the "Devil" or whatever was trying to change the language of people and that before the movie "Aliens" he claims there were no examples of "God's" name being used in vain. And from that point on we start seeing lot's of stuff like... "God damnit" "Holy shit" "The hell" and stuff like that.. And he was claiming that this was like an attempt to make people do the bidding of evil more and to get them all to join the Devil in hell and blah blah blah...
I don't necessarily believe that at all since I don't believe in the Devil and God like that, but.. It did remind me of that time when I was younger, where I believed that it wasn't healthy to give life to such energies... And it made me stop and pause and reflect.
As a poet I love language, so I find it really difficult to see myself cutting down on swearing a lot, to me, these are different words to help explain existence, to not use them, would leave me at a lack of an ability to communicate as well..
But.. What if there's some truth to that? What if every time I say fuck or hell or god damnit, or Jesus Christ in such negative ways that there is something else going on there? What if I am feeding into some kind of darker energy and it's making me even darker the longer and more I do it? Hmm...
So I decided I'm going to make an effort to be a lot more kind and understanding and to lash out at immoral people less. I'm going to try to do more of the "Jesus" route for a while and even if they insult the fuck out of me, I'm going to do my best to not return the hate.. I don't think I'm going to be perfect by any means, the desire sometimes to just unload my verbal daggers on assholes is too much.. BUT.. I am going to make a much more focused effort to be more respectful and less angsty.
In addition to the insane Christian guy who literally believes he is a witness of God and who can enlighten others in similar ways, I saw another lil clip.. I think from the same video with the Christian guy.. Yeah.. It was from an old movie and it was about these people who like live in a dome..
Very similar to the Plato's Cave allegory.. And these people all like die at 30 and are killed and everyon cheers because that's all they know, that's all they've been conditioned to believe, and when this guy goes outside of the dome and sees the real world, he goes back and tries to warn the others and wake them up, but they don't listen and think he's crazy.
I feel very similar! I feel like I've been outside of the cave to an extent and I'm coming back trying to warn people, and they don't really give a fuck.. But, it's not cause they inherently don't care, but because they have been trained to not care and that's all they know. They know of nothing outside of the dome, only what they've been taught inside of it.
So I feel like.. I need to rattle on the dome less so to speak, and try to understand that these people are like the asleep people in the Matrix, or They Live.. They don't see what's going on in a larger picture sense and they might even become so defensive of their Matrix that they become violently defensive towards those who try to help them out of it.
Anyways.. We'll see how good I do, I feel so accustomed to defending myself and stabbing the heck out of other people metaphorically with my words that I'm not sure how well the "turning the other cheek" method will work for me, but I'm going to try it out for a lil while at least and I'm going to make an effort to be a lot more kind and understanding, even if the things some people support drive me freaking crazy with anger.
If you've been a victim of my anger lately, I apologize. I didn't realize as much how you don't know what I know, even if we have the same internet, I realize most people don't go to the levels I've gone.. And, some people respond better to being yelled at, but I don't wanna do that all the time, I wanna be more balanced and not alienate people if I don't have to, to the best of my ability.