Giving up my belief in Christianity was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was raised in a Christian home, was a leader in my youth group, and went on multiple overseas mission trips. In college I attended multiple church services every week, lead bible studies, and even attended a 3-month leadership training program. I was that guy who only listened to christian music because all secular music was evil. I waited until marriage to have sex with the mother of my children. In other words, I was a hard-core evangelical conservative Christian.
While it is common for many people to lose interest over time, I suspect it is very unusual for someone to switch sides as dramatically as I have. It took me years to come to terms with it and in the process contributed to the break up of my marriage and made certain things awkward with my parents.
Pursuit of Truth
The whole process started back in 2006 when I began to pursue the truth in everything. I started reading about libertarian philosophy and Austrian economics. In the process I learned how to think clearly, rationally, and with a focus toward eliminating contradiction in my beliefs.
This is where I started developing strong convictions on the immorality of government. I became convinced that initiating the use of violence was wrong. Not only that, I became convinced that the use of violence systematically makes all of society poorer. This means I began to reject the legitimacy of all governments built on violence.
Biblical Support for Liberty
As my perspective on government was changing I began searching the Bible to see whether my new understanding fit. The good news is that I could find plenty of support in the bible.
… ’Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” — Matthew 22:39-40
Aside from “loving God”, the 2nd greatest commandment and all the laws of the profits supposedly hang on the phrase of ‘love your neighbor as yourself’. This phrase is effectively a statement of “don’t do to others what you don’t want others doing to you.” It might imply going above and beyond, but it certainly encompasses the silver rule.
So straight from the mouth of Jesus I had confirmation that my libertarian beliefs are founded upon the greatest commandment from which all other commandments must submit to.
I proceeded to reinterpret all other parts in the bible with this perspective in mind and found that almost everything taught by Jesus himself was compatible. What I also found is that many christians interpret Jesus’ teachings in ways that are incompatible.
Hypocrisy in the Church
For a while I used my new found insights to stir the pot at bible studies. I felt certain that most Christians would quickly recognize that their support and even worship of government was sinful. Sadly, most people could not make the connection.
Sunday morning sermons became unbearable as pastor after pastor gave messages that were incompatible with the 2nd greatest commandment. I took these pastors aside to talk with them about it. It went nowhere.
How could I attend a church that pledges allegiance to the flag of a government that is waging war around the globe? How could I attend a church that subjugated itself to the government by filing for 501.3c status?
There are certainly some churches out there that reject 501.3c, some that don’t pledge to the flag, and even some that are completely libertarian in their philosophy. But by the time you filter out all of the false teachers there is hardly enough for a small congregation in towns with 10’s of thousands of people.
Would God let 99.99% of Pastors miss the Mark?
I started to ask myself a simple question. How can people who pray every day and maintain a relationship (two way communication) with Jesus can be left completely ignorant to their obvious sins they commit. How can God let these people lead his flock with so many obviously false teachings?
There is only one obvious answer, these people are not hearing from God. If God was dwelling within them, and they heard the truth, then one would think the Spirit would stir inside them to confirm the truth. They would immediately repent, ask forgiveness, and sin no more.
This isn’t a matter of intelligence. Many of these people are incredibly smart. This is a simple matter of “hearing the truth” and “obeying”. Apparently God doesn’t care if you understand his laws, only that you obey. If God was speaking to these people, then they would know his voice and would obey. Clearly, these people are not actually hearing from God.
You cannot trust People
Since I have clear evidence that most people who think they hear from God are clearly not hearing from God, I must now question everything. All of christianity is a bunch of people telling and retelling the same stories for generations. Each generation chooses to believe the prior generation.
People believe because not believing would result in becoming a social outcast. Who wants to strain the relationships with everyone in their life? Who wants to question beliefs that seem to answer big scary questions for which there is no obvious answer (such as what happens when you die).
Back to the Bible
If you skip through all the intermediaries you end up going straight back to the bible. The bible is declared the infallible word of God by most. Here we have a logical dilemma, the part of the bible that claims this was written before other parts of the bible. Furthermore, it only claims the “word of God” is infallible, but no where does it state what is and isn’t the “word of God”.
So I started looking into how the books of the bible were selected. Lo-and-behold, it was done through a democratic process. People, many of whom were appointed by the Roman emperor, voted. Here we have the people problem again. Not only that, we have a government problem.
At the time the bible was written there were few people who could read and write. Those who were able were often employed by governments. It is clear to me that governments at all times and places attempt censorship and practice propaganda. It doesn’t take much, just changing a word here or there can completely change the meaning.
Even the oldest known copies of the bible are still greatly removed in time from the people who wrote them.
Shared Delusions
It became clear to me that people are very vulnerable to falling into group delusions. People around the world have often willingly adopted an unquestioned belief. Beliefs can be so strong that it is not uncommon for people to commit mass suicide.
What this means is that conviction unto death is not a sign of truth. Dependence upon communities was so strong that renouncing belief in the shared delusion could appear to be its own death sentence.
Ultimately, all we have is the testimony of people who knew Jesus directly. This testimony is as reliable as any other testimony of people today. After all, plenty of people have claimed to witness miracles. Many have doubts about these people, but we are supposed to trust someone who lived 2000 years ago?
Removing People from the Equation
The bible claims that even those who do not hear the word of God are still liable because all of nature testifies. In other words, ignorance is no excuse and those who remain ignorant are doomed to hell. You are only saved by knowing Christ.
I decided to take this point of view and simply pretend there were no people around to tell me what God says. I decided to look into nature. It was here that I discovered meditation and through meditation I became more connected to who I am.
If all that is necessary to know God is available to me without the need of people, then clearly reason and rationality are a major component. I concluded that anything that could not be deduced from reason and nature could not be guaranteed to be from God.
At this point I concluded that almost everything that makes christianity, Christian, cannot be derived from nature. What remains is a solid belief in a set of moral principles that hold me to a higher standard than what is taught in churches and the bible. But these principles do not make me Christian.
Am I going to hell?
Well, many christians believe Once Saved, Always Saved so I guess I am covered by my prior belief when I gave my heart to Christ. Some would say I was never saved, but I couldn’t tell the difference for years. I certainly have nothing against God and obviously am more than happy to yield to anything he requests of me. I just don’t trust anyone but God to deliver the message.