"When you've loved and lost and just can't get over it, you become a stranger to yourself.... so the issue isn't letting someone go as much as it is loving and accepting yourself just the way you are." --Jacquelyne
What does it mean to have a broken heart?
Our hearts are precious, they have a way of speaking to us that is unmatched by any organ... except our guts. Our bodies speak to us in a language all their own. They carry wisdom and if we listen, we are much better off.
When someone says they have a broken heart, what they are actually saying is that their heart hurts. Often there is a physical sensation of heaviness, sinking, and clenching that occurs. This happens because our hearts represent our self acceptance.
We either feel that we like ourselves, or that we are a stranger to ourselves. And, one of the main reasons we go from liking ourselves to feeling like a stranger to ourselves is because we've gone through a breakup. Even if you only liked yourself a little, the focus was on that small percentage of self acceptance before the break up, and after the break up your focus is on how much you feel like a stranger to yourself.
Why Heal a Broken Heart?
It sounds like a no-brainer, but many people sit and stew in their pain rather than make an effort to ease it. When we entertain the poor-me syndrome, or just don't know how to let go, it perpetuates the symptoms of a broken heart. Namely, us feeling like a stranger to ourselves.
When we feel like a stranger to ourselves we become needy for attention, looking for validation from the outside to make our insides feel better. This ride is circular, never dropping us off at our desired destination, but rather avoiding our destination by circling our current heartache... and on and on it goes.
So, the best reason to heal your broken heart is to get off the road to nowhere so you can get somewhere. Anywhere other than where you are, really. Since, heartbreak-ville is a life sucking vortex of certain sabotage. Not to say that feeling broken hearted is a bad thing! Sure, feel it... notice your thoughts and feelings, give them the proper attention... then let that shit go.
Depending on the length of the relationship, the depth of your connection, and the attachment to that person for your identity and safety... one can determine how long is too long to process the ending of it. I say, 1 week tops of sitting around doing nothing but eating Ben & Jerry's, and that's for the REALLY messy breakups.
After a week of debilitating sadness, if there is still the desire to sleep all day and live off what's left in your cupboards rather than make a trip to the grocery store, there would likely be a deeper issue that needs to be addressed such as: abandonment issues, mother/father problems, or emotional abuse/trauma.
4 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart
1) Feel Your Feelings
Before any healing can happen, we must experience the loss fully. This is why burials and rituals are so important, they symbolize our feelings having been acknowledged. Acknowledging and feeling your feelings is easy. Just sit down where ever you are and tune in.
More often than not, our problem with moving on is due to our ADD. We don't make time to feel. We keep moving, brush it off, or ignore the importance of our subconscious need for the release. So, stop and cry, stop and feel overwhelmed, let your body react... punch inanimate soft objects, wreathe and undulate on the floor...let the emotions move "through" you. THROUGH- as in just passing through.
2) See the Benefit of the Relationship
Notice what was so wonderful, how it made you a better person, what it taught you, and how you will take what you learned with you. Be grateful for the experience.
When we can see the benefit of something, we no longer need to be attached to it. We can move on because we see how we have become better versions of ourselves by it. The soul longs for growth, so show it how you grew! Once your soul feels it has learned, it doesn't necessarily crave to learn that again and again. It is content with what you know and ready to learn more from the next experience/relationship.
3) Have Compassion for Yourself
We've all been there. Notice what you endured, and be kind to yourself for going through so much! Give yourself a break, and stop telling yourself stories about why you are not good enough or lovable. You're making that up. It's a lie to get yourself used to feeling heartache, because that's how the mind can make it easier on you next time...
When you don't have compassion for yourself, you get to be right, again! You get to say, "this is how is always goes for me." And you get to be right. Well, stop it. Make your mind wrong, love on yourself and know that yes, it may happen again, but it is no reason to become numb and build walls around your heart. That may work to not feel pain next time, but it also makes it not as fulfilling to be in relationships. You're better off being the happy puppy, not the one who is afraid to get hit.
4) Accept Yourself as You Are
That's it. Just acknowledge you are where you are in life, in your process, in your ability to give love, in your ability to receive love, and in plain old being you. You are exactly who and where you are today in order to be and do what you want tomorrow. So, accept it. Right now is all that exists for you, and there is no sense in denying it.
When we accept ourselves, we let what is be what it is. Not that it needs to stay that way, or that we will resign ourselves to the pitiful existence we created thus far.. rather, once we accept it we can do something about it... Like move on, find another mate, love more and better and different.
And VOILA! Do these 4 things, and you are sure to move on from whatever heartbreak you are experiencing. Unless of course, like I said earlier... it may be something deeper that needs to be addressed. In which case, keep reading my blog and I'll get to that eventually!
Or! Be proactive and let me know what you want support with!! I'd love to write and article that speaks to you!
Thanks for reading!
MUCH LOVE
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