Most of us have either gone through a time in life when we compared ourselves to someone else or tried being like some other person. Some of us may even be going through that phase right now. While it is normal to try to be as successful or happy as amazing as someone else since we have idols and role models, it is not healthy when we try to camouflage ourselves as someone else and shove our own personality somewhere in the backdrop.
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Theodore Roosevelt is 100% right in saying that comparison is indeed the thief of joy. You see, when you compare yourself to someone else or try hard to be exactly like someone else, you rob yourself of the joy, peace and freedom you experience by being your own true and amazing self.
When we push yourself too much to follow someone else’s footsteps to the extent that we stop being who we are and disregard our own personality, we give ourselves the message that ‘I am not good enough.’ Why else would we want to be like someone else? Obviously, when we aren’t happy with who you are and see someone who fits the criteria of ‘good enough’ or ‘perfect’ for us, we start chasing their personality.This chase often brings a lot more problems than you can imagine. At first, you feel fine because you are trying you best to be better according to what you believe. However, soon enough you start becoming depressed. This happens when you realize you cannot be like that person you’re trying to imitate. This realization makes you feel inadequate and unhappy.
What you fail to recognize is that the person you trying so hard to copy is not you. He is a completely different and unique person. Of course, he can have some traits similar to yours and may have many amazing qualities that you would like to have and on the surface, it may appear that he is flawless but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his share of flaws. All of us have qualities and drawbacks but some of us work hard on our shortcomings and improve at them. That person may also have done the same which certainly makes him amazing.
Instead of trying to be exactly like him and hiding your own personality deep down, you need to learn from his struggles and work on polishing your own true self. It takes a lot of courage to do that and to be proud of who you are and mustering that courage isn’t always easy but it is something you need to do.If you stop being yourself and keep following the tracks of someone else, you’ll soon find yourself disguised in an ugly, de-shaped mask.
When I was younger, I was always told that I wasn’t as pretty as my younger sister. Yes, she has beautiful facial features and since she has a fairer complexion, she was regarded as more beautiful than me. I am a little darker than her and in Pakistan, people are in awe of fair skinned people. So I was told that I was just plain looking and that hurt my self-esteem a lot. Although I didn’t try too hard to be fair, I wasn’t really happy with my complexion for a long time. I prayed that I was born fairer so I would be complimented on my beauty too.
I used a lot of fairness creams too as I grew older but somehow nothing really worked. It took me a long time to realize the importance of being comfortable in your own skin and feeling proud of who you are. When I realized that, I stopped pursuing fairness and a lighter complexion. Instead I focused more on keeping my skin healthy. When I started feeling more peaceful in my own skin and stopped being bothered by my complexion, my inner demons started to quieten down. The depression I was battling with because of my skin color started diminishing too and in a couple of months, my overall emotional well-being improved. That made me realized how important it is to be proud of yourself and not try to be someone else.
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To stop comparing yourself to others and to be your true self, make a start with listing down a few of your strengths. Make several copies of those qualities and put them up on your fridge, bathroom mirror, nightstand etc. This way you’ll be reminded of your wonderful qualities whenever you come across these things and will feel happier with yourself. Secondly, say ‘I am happy with myself’ loudly, confidently and slowly about 10 times each morning. This rewires your subconscious to think positively and focuses your energy on yourself. Just give this a try and if you stay consistent with it, you’ll start being happier with yourself.
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