Some time ago, I shared a post about my interesting students. Some of you asked me to continue sharing the stories of their lives so here's me doing it today, after so long.
Image Source: Pixabay
This happened two days ago after my meet-up at Big Hug Burgers, actually. I walked past this famous Milk Tea Chain in Malaysia, Tealive and saw they were having promotion of buy one free one because it was their first birthday. Without hesitation, I walked in to get one for myself and another for my student. Not knowing what he likes, I just got him a Cocoa drink, I mean who wouldn't love chocolate, right?
It turns out that he LOVES chocolate drink, especially chocolate with milk. BINGO! What I didn't know was I got the "key" to his heart after feeding him something he loves.
He started pouring out his heart. We were supposed to do a revision on Maths as he was having assessment the next day. That was put on hold because his heart issue couldn't wait. He went on and on for a good 20 minutes, paused in between to gasp for some air. He was even trembling a bit because of his frustration. Sorry but it was quite amusing to watch. I tried recording him on a voice recorder and wanted to maybe upload it into dsound so you may also hear of his tone and frustration but I accidentally deleted it, boo-hoo! 😩 After a while, I asked if he was feeling better and if we could start on Maths, he said he was but 5 minutes later, he was into his ranting mode again. Hahaha. I knew he needed an outlet and a listening ear, so I let him. After all, besides helping him academically, I'm also interested in his well-being. It may sound like a small thing to some of us, but it is his first conflict in working together, so it is a HUGE deal to him.
So, what was he upset about?
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GIF Source: Giphy
Know that this is one side of the story from just my student, as I did not get to hear from his other group members. I would be using unreal names in this story to protect their privacy.
Let's just call my student Leo. Leo was assigned to do a project together for his upcoming Science Fair with Dean and June. Dean is an international student and he seems to be the smartest among them all, because he speaks greater English. Naturally, they let Dean lead the group. So each of them were assigned to do their own parts while Dean will work on the hardest: to build a model train powered by solar panel. They were supposed to contribute on how to improve the transport system to be more eco-friendly, particularly the train, though solar-powered trains are already in use as we speak actually in several countries. Leo, my student was responsible to work on getting the solar panels, which he did purchase online with his parents' help. He invited Dean over to build the model together. As Dean was explaining to him, Leo could not understand so he asked Dean to slow down and perhaps use simpler language instead. Dean said that was the simplest he could do. In the end, Leo could not understand a thing and neither did he snap a photo.
Two days ago, all three of them agreed to stay back after school to work on the final report and also create a poster for the upcoming fair as there will be an exhibition for visitors to learn about their work. At the very last minute, Dean said he could not stay back because of family matters, thus Leo suggested they could Facetime with him to still have him in the discussion. Dean said, "Sure, why not?" So they agreed to call at a certain time. However, Dean never pick up. The two of them called again and again but to no avail. Finally Dean replied them after Leo spammed replies and replies to Dean, typing the word "Dean" for maybe a couple of hundreds of times, saying that the Wi-Fi reception was not good for Facetime. Still giving the benefit of doubt to him, Leo and June tried to communicate with Dean using messages because they needed to ask him how he built the train model in order to write out their procedures. Dean said he would have it covered and they would just need to copy his work. Leo objected because though it is a group work, they needed to submit individual reports which are produced by them respectively. So Leo did not want to just "copy" and he asked Dean for the reference of some websites he used to build the model, in order for Leo to try to write out the procedures by himself. Dean told Leo he would not be able to understand even if he sends it over. The next thing was, Dean would not reply or pick up their calls anymore.
Hence, this is the pissing-Leo-off-moment. Hahah sorry that was the word he literally used when he was going on and on with me. He was really letting his steam off! He said he was so pissed after he heard what Dean said, Dean was just not going to cooperate at all and the due date is this coming Friday. Leo who was all frustrated, ran around the classroom to let go of his rage and he even punched his fists into the wall several times at the heat of the moment. We can surely tell that he is all worked up. Oh my goodness, right?
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GIF Source: Giphy
After he let his heart out, I asked him: What actually is the thing pissing you off? Leo said he knows he is not the brightest among all three of them, but he is really trying to put in his effort. All he was asking for is Dean's cooperation and teamwork. He told me he desperately needed my advice. I asked him what was June's reaction to this incident because she is also part of the group and could be anxious too. Leo said June was also upset but she did not show it in such a 'violent' manner as him. The both of them ended up checking on each other's work and tried to help each other with whichever parts they could not do by themselves. Everything is almost done except the procedure, again.
We Can Only Fix Ourselves, Not Others
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GIF Source: Giphy
I don't think I give the best advices all the time but I tried to, since he trusted me. I suddenly remember the post on The Harsh Truth: No One is Going to Fix You!, thank you @keciah for what I just read the other day!
I told Leo this is part of life and sometimes we do not get to choose who we can partner with. We cannot be responsible to fix others, but we can be responsible to fix ourselves. We can only determine what our responses can be towards any situation: a really good one or a really bad one, when things or people do not work according to our expectations or when things or people work beyond our expectations. When we choose to only control what we can, which is ourselves, it lets peace takes over and we no longer get all agitated by others' actions, even when those actions may affect us badly, like in his case, he may not be able to complete his report because of a group member not giving the teamwork or cooperation. We can acknowledge the frustrated feelings but we need not let it lead us and makes the whole day being centered around that very person. I think it was good that he actually released the emotions, perhaps he can choose a better way to do it next time without hurting himself, like blogging or writing it in a diary which can be therapeutic for his soul. I praised him for his actions after which was still going back to his astounded group member to continue their work, hahaha.
Communicate
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GIF Source: Giphy
Finally, I asked him did he feel better? He said, maybe a bit better. He was still wondering what he can do now to complete the report and not "die" together with Dean who probably would complete the report for his own. I replied that he can still politely ask Dean if he can share with them the information. I was thinking to introduce to him kingdom confrontation which is not necessarily as 'confrontational' as how it sounds like, but it is to be done with honour and respect. It simply means: As important as I am, you are too. Sometimes, when we have to work together in a team, we have different types of people and different ways of working. Maybe Dean is seriously oblivious to what his actions are causing and he really has not learnt teamwork before. For that, he can go and have a serious talk with Dean on the objective they want to achieve and it could turn out to be win-win in the end. He needs not fill inferior to Dean because Dean seemingly look more eloquent and smarter. If Dean does not want to, then Leo also needs not feel he has to "fix" Dean and get all uptight with Dean but let the peace he offered to Dean just return to him. We can only help someone who wants to be helped and see there is a problem. After all, LIFE is the best teacher to teach lessons like this to anyone for he would have to face up with this in the future, ready or not.
Leo thanked me for my "counseling", hahah. He asked me to do more counseling in the future. I thanked him and told him it would be my honour if he trusts me in this and since he wants to be helped. In my opinion, Leo may make a great leader once he knows how to work on his communication. At the end of of this conversation, Leo let out a deep sigh, hahah. Hopefully that is the sign of him thinking.
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GIF Source: Giphy Sorry, I can't get enough of this Masterchef GIFs haha .
It simply means: As important as I am, you are too.
There are many unforeseen circumstances in life and people who can catch us off guard. We may be really upset with it and at them but we can acknowledge the feelings and then determine our response. We may not be successful in handling it all the time but we can give our best every time we face such challenges. When things are dependent on several parties and teamwork is essential to accomplish the objectives, I guess we can do our part to communicate and that is the best we can do, even if the outcome does not come out as expected. We can still try to take it as positive as we can and turn it into a life lesson.
Okay, that's all for my story today. Hope you enjoy reading it. Nothing too fancy, but a small interesting fragment of my tutoring life as a home tutor. Have a pleasant day!
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