As I was slowly cruising to work this morning, I had a touch of Déjà vu. I had my driver and passenger windows both let down about halfway and I was cruising down a one way street at about 35 mph. There was a nice breeze flowing through the cab of my Tacoma as I turned the radio up a little bit. Maybe it was the song playing mixed with the faint smell of fall coming that struck my Déjà vu. The song playing was psychology by a band called LAW. I first heard this song last year around this time. My best friend Elee and I used to listen to it most Friday nights while preparing to go downtown to the bars.
With the song and smell combined I was instantly taken back to the good times of hanging out with Elee. At 8:30 this morning I just wanted to be back in those fall nights, jamming out and drinking cold beers. The reminiscing was nice but it made me a little sad because this year, fall is going to be a lot different. Elee and the rest of my friends have all moved away. We all met while attending college together. I had the best years of my life with them and now, at the age of 23, I am questioning if I grew up too fast.
I graduated a little bit before my friends. I have a graphic design degree and had a job immediately after graduating. I worked hard in school and built a portfolio that is hard to turn down. Aside from having a great job, I also got engaged to the love of my life this past January. We had been together for 5 years when I proposed to her. I love her more than anything in the world and now I am paying for us to have a nice house to live in. My fiancee just started her graduate program for school so she is gone all of the time now.
As I rode to work this morning, with that song playing and smelling fall in the air, I realized... I am lonely. I don't have my best friends here anymore to relax with or enjoy good music with. The one person that I do still have here is busy with school 24-7. It is taking every bit of money that I make to pay for the house and the rest of the bills. Most people would call it successful..a good job, new house, new truck, planning for a wedding. I call it making it by. I am happy but I just feel like I am not working towards anything now. Maybe I am just in a slump this morning from the long weekend. I usually try to spread positivity and love, but I just feel alone today.