As far as I'm concerned I've still got a "bikini bod". It just looks a little different now 'cause it's been through something crazy and new. 

Before:

It was just over two years ago that I realized that I really wanted to change the way I was living. I didn't want to feel unhealthy anymore.

I was sick of hearing myself complain about the gradual weight I was putting on as my teenage metabolism wore off. If I'm honest, I can be as self conscience as the next person and I wanted to look thinner.  

But there was something else really. I realized I get to live my life ONCE. I wanted to feel strong and proud of my body. I wanted to be my best self. And so I decided to change the way I ate and start exercising regularly.

After:

And it worked.

I dropped 20 pounds, but more importantly I was enjoying exercising for the first time in my life.
I felt proud of every push-up I could finally do.

I felt strong.

I didn't starve myself or  join a gym, become a crossfit chic  or run any marathons. I'm not very extreme. But I felt like I owned my body in a new way. 

Then my husband and I decided to have a baby.

Before, I had learned to appreciate my body’s strength.

Pregnancy taught me to see my body in yet a new way.

I felt weak, sick and tired... a lot. I was not a glowy pregnant person.

But as frustrated and out of control as I felt, I respected my body on an entirely deeper level. The life coursing through my veins was entirely different. I was no longer just “I”.

I became a “we”. I couldn't abuse, push, hurt or ignore my body anymore because it wasn't just mine.

So I learnt how to pamper my body. How to give myself a break. How to ask for help with lifting the groceries. I thought I'd be one of those pregnant women who exercises throughout pregnancy and put on only the minimum number of pounds. 

I wasn't. 

But I’m also totally ok with that. I grew a human. I stayed healthy and I grew a baby!

(ok so I look a little glowy in this picture - Little did I know I still had 4 weeks to go!)

After (again).

1 month after giving birth, our family stayed at a beach house on the East Coast. 

 
Now,  Barbados is known for crystal clear waters and white sandy beaches along the Caribbean Sea...
And trust me, it has plenty of those.



They draws thousands of tourists to our island every year. It's truly wonderful. But as a local, non of those beaches hold the place in my heart the East Coast does. The Atlantic Ocean, nothing but salt water separating this coast from Africa.. 

The waves are big, the sand is brown and the shoreline is rocky.

And here was the first time I was faced with my new body.

In public.
In a swimsuit.
On the beach. 

Here I am. Before and after.

After nine months of growing a brand new person.

After just one month of recovering from major surgery...
After 4 weeks of nurturing and snuggling a sweet little girl who gives us a gummy grin when she sees us on a morning. 

I’m 20 pounds heavier again. But I'm not the same. The stretch marks, scars and wibbly skin are worth it any day.

They are nothing to be ashamed of. They are nothing to hide.

This is what I will call my East Coast “bikini bod”.  

Where the beaches are not pristine and white, and the sea is not calm and clear.
There are rocks and algae and sea eggs to step on.
Brown sand, man o' wars and scraped knees.

The East Coast is rugged, rough and imperfect.
And that's exactly why it's wonderful.

Where nature marks time by the rhythm of the tides, like the hunger of an infant.
Where the sea-breeze and sunshine bring smiles and sleep.




There are no boardwalks, no rows of hotels or restaurants here; but there are weathered beach houses with rusty hinges and friends and family with dishes of food and the offer of a drink. 

There's nothing shiny or glamorous about the East Coast, nor childbirth and these early days, but there is a natural magic wrapped in moments.

Twenty pounds lost, twenty pounds gained and one new tiny human later...

Two years ago I decided I wanted to feel strong and proud of my body. 

And, now I do. 

I'll trade the magazine body on the postcard beach for this any day...

Bonus:

Here's a music video my husband filmed for a very good friend of ours on the East Coast