Parenting.....
I have asked the question of myself and my professor's how much does parenting have on your child's personality? Is their personality already shaped at birth? Are they who they are going to be from day one? It is that old question; nature vs nurture? Does DNA have more of influence on your child, than you could ever have? These are very hard to answer because you may think you have the answer, only to be sent back to square one with the next child.
Personality refers to individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving; according to the American Psychology Association,(2018). Than there is nature vs nurture. Nature is defined as, you are who you are based 100% on your genetics. Nurture is defined as you are a blank slate and your personality is developed through what is learned through your environment. Through the decades these two sides have been heavily debated and used to determine a lot of social stigma. The current resolution of the question is, they are not independent they go hand and hand. Both nature and nurture make us who we are.
According to the experts your personality is set by 1st grade. By first grade your personality will be the same throughout your life. If you are a talkative person, you will most likely be a talkative adult. If you are a shy child you will be a shy adult. The list goes on. However, these traits as young children, do show in our adult lives, but also shape other aspects. Meaning it is believed that if you are a talkative child you will work well in group settings, tend to want to lead the group, and you do well in many different social settings. If you are a shy child, you will tend to do well on your own or in small groups, and solve problems on your own. They each have their own qualities.
Now you are probably wondering what does this have to do with parenting and my post. Well, as some of you know I have 10 children, 7 boys and 3 girls. While I was sitting here watching my 4 year old play and his 5 month old brother is upstairs sleeping, I started to think of how different they are. Most of my children did not sleep through the night until they were well pass 2. The 5 month old started at 3 months. The 5 month old tells us in other way than crying, what he wants. The others cried or just didn't tell us, we did process of elimination. Now here is where they differ the most and the reason for this post.
I have 3 grown children and 3 almost ready to leave. All my children and I, like other families, have had our ups and downs. However, we have always had a great relationship. I am a strict parent. I am not a perfect parent, nor do I pretend to be. I am a parent who will say I am sorry when I am wrong. My children have always had a great personality and have been their own person. So, the reason for the post. I don't believe a child's personality is set this early and I believe nature has more influence later in life than in the beginning.
There are traits that you instill in your children early, be respectful, don't lie, be fair, don't judge, don't hate, etc. There are traits you give your children without trying, through example, that would be all I have already mentioned and how you handle life. How you handle stress, external people, love, commitments, etc. These all play a role in molding your child. However, I believe that your child can be influenced later in life.
Once your child becomes a teenager of about 16 or so, depending on the child, some may be as early as 14, they start to pull away from you and try to find their own way. You may still have influence and a say. They may still have a great relationship with you. However, they are also learning how to move through life without you. Once they do accomplish to move out on their own, whichever way they do it, you may see a change that you didn't expect.
Once they leave home and are with friends and are starting adult relationships that turn into love, you may see personality traits you did not know existed. A child that use to be independent may become dependent. A child that use to be calm in situations, explodes at the littlest upset. Your child may start being a person you don't recognize. This is where I believe nurture comes more into play and does not stop at 1st grade.
People will tell new parents that the hardest time is infancy or toddlers. Some will say the teenager years are the worst. Well I am here to tell you it is the adult years. Those are the hardest in my opinion. You go from having a child you know, that confides in you, that you see on a daily basis, who is this person you help create, to someone that is still them, but different. Their personality takes on a shape that resembles their old self but is completely new. You start to see their friends or significant others more and more in their actions. It is amazing to me how much influence their environment can still have on them, past those formative years. To me it is like a new virus that invades and never leaves.
This was just a thought I had today, thinking of how different my 5 month old is compared to his siblings. Than how different they all are compared to the next. Than how different they are once they leave home.
Thanks for reading :) Please post a comment I would love to hear from you :)
American Psychology Association. (2018). Personality. Retrieved from, http://www.apa.org/topics/personality/
McLeod, Sue. (2015). Nature vs Nurture in Psychology. Retrieved from, https://www.simplypsychology.org/naturevsnurture.html
All Photo's - CCO