Mini Motivation #107 - The Day I Decided to See a Therapist

There are a few things that you would say when you're young, like "I am going to be rich!", "I am going to marry the boy/girl of my dreams!" or "I am gonna leave a mark in history."

I'm pretty sure "I am going to see a therapist" didn't make the list. And yet, it did for me. Tuesday, 1st May 2018, will be the day I filled up a form to schedule an appointment to see a therapist. Quite ironic that it's also labor day here.

But that doesn't even begin to illustrate the scale of irony. You see, in the years of working with great coaches (life and business), meeting extraordinary human beings who had defied all odds, and also exposing myself to cutting-edge psychological techniques, I always thought I had enough in my tool bag to never have to see a therapist. I counted on my monk hood training as my foundation, my Ma's life lessons as my guiding principles, and my constant self-reflection as my compass.

On that note, heck, I'm just thankful that my mom didn't have to live to see his son fall into such a bad shape.

But I've learned to put on a good show. I would give the best ideas from the top of my mind, but conscious of the chest pains that has reminded me of the pain killers I've grown accustomed to. I would make a silly joke, poking fun to elicit a smile, but you'd never know how much I depended on the laughter of others to cheer me up inside. I would write educational pieces, keeping up my act as a content marketer, but deep down, I knew I have lost my edge and my focus.

The steps had been slower for me, and the crappy part is I'm aware of it. I distant myself from sources of happiness, under the excuse that I don't have the mood. I schedule meetings to interact with people, to find meaning, only to be washed by overwhelming loneliness the moment the sessions ended. I had wished that life had been easier for me, but it hadn't. Once I thought of ending it, but I knew I still have a place in the world, and it's just plain irresponsible. I bury myself with work, yet pissed that I wasn't able to perform as I did in my prime.

The therapist was recommended by a friend, for some one else really. My part was merely the messager, to pass on the contact. Little did I know, the messager will become the patient.

Don't get me wrong, I respect the work of therapists and counselors, and the countless lives they had saved. It's always easy to appreciate their work from a third party, like watching a movie. Now, the scene is different for me. I had become the actor in the movie, and there's no fast forward to the next scene, no rewind to look for clues, no zoom out to glance at the bigger picture, no end credits to know that the show has ended.

The last bit of irony is that, in a few days, I was supposed to share about Living My Purpose. I'm pretty sure seeing a therapist wasn't in the agenda of life, or purpose, for that matter.

p.s. Sorry that this is different from the usual Mini-Motivation series. No strategies nor tips here today. Rather, just me verbalising a fear through journalling, in hopes that it motivates me.

Mini Motivation is my own daily strategy to inspire myself. Mostly 3-minute reads.

From Motivation, we gain Inspiration. From Inspiration, we achieve Momentum. And the rest, they say, is history.

Hope it helps nudge you a bit too in the right direction.

Oh it did? Let me know in the comments, and of course an upvote would be a nice motivation for me. :)

Stay awesome!

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