Giving and receiving love can be low-level, easy and automatic to the point we stop paying attention. Love thrives under a tender gaze, but withers when it goes unseen. Why? Being loved and feeling loved are different. One happens unconsciously, without effort, and often in spite of our intentions. Feeling loved happens when we witness the giving over of love and it matches our need to receive it.
Feeling loved happens when we witness the giving over of love AND it matches our need to receive it.
Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash
For example, when I see my husband do chores around the house, I feel very loved. My love language is receiving acts of service. Having tasks taken care of for me, whether I've asked or not, makes me feel safe, warm and cared for. It's like a hug or a mug of hot chocolate and a fire on a cold Winter's day.
My husband, however, is best able to see that he is being loved when he is given gifts. And not just random gifts; gifts that demonstrate knowledge of who he is, what he values and needs. For Christmas, I got him a leather jacket. A new Winter coat was long overdue. He appreciated the research I put in to finding the right coat for his body type. He also loved that I sent a note to his family suggesting they go in on a Lego set he'd been eyeing for a few months. He got that set and it told him that those around him who say they care about him are paying attention to who he is. It was a two-way witnessing that demonstrated he is loved.
Photo by grafxart photo on Unsplash
To prevent love going unseen and withering, try:
1. Asking your beloved what their love language is. You can find out more about love languages here.
2. Learning your own love language, and don't be afraid to share it.
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
3. Creating a reminder for yourself to do something to meet your partner's love language need weekly if not daily.
Remember, acts of kindness, service, gifts and so on need not be big. They only need to show you are paying attention to your beloved.
Oh! Don't forget to let your beloved know you see their acts of love and appreciate them. Being witnessed giving love is just as important as being witnessed receiving it. Keep the good feelings flowing.
Happy loving!
What is your love language?
