Knights in shining armour are a myth
Similarly, we've seen the sexual revolution change perceptions on gender roles in society, a movement which has empowered women to take charge of their sexuality enabling them to seek more equality in society. It's not perfect, and we're not there yet, but it is a welcome movement.
On the back of this struggle for equal footing, it seems as though dating behaviours and expectations have also changed. Nowadays, a woman can be proud of her independence and build a relationship based on emotional compatibility.
A woman no longer expects the man to be her long term meal ticket. She's got that covered. But what about chivalrous gestures? Just because a woman can now have financial independence and equal place in society, it doesn't mean that's an excuse for men to be less gentlemanly, or is it?
Let's take a look at some examples of the fading acts of Chivalry.
"You don't need to buy me flowers"
So, it's valentines day, and the lady has kindly suggested not to buy flowers for her because they wither and die and it ends up being a waste of money. You might think that's really thoughtful, but you would be daft to believe what she says. Even though flowers are indeed a perishable good, the gesture is worth so much more than anything else money can buy. There is no woman in the world who won't accept her favourite bouquet of flowers. Even if they're not her favourite, she'll love them any way. Yes, woman can be infuriatingly confusing with their signals, but this one is a no-brainer. Learn once and never fault again! |
The foreboding first date. Who pays?
Paying for the woman can be traced back to earlier notions of chivalry which themselves are rooted on male economic and social power. By treating women with elaborate regard and politeness, chivalry masked the fact that men dominated the public sphere and had social and economic power over women. In modern times , splitting the bill or going dutch is touted as the behaviour of the modern man. A man wouldn't want the woman to feel as though he owns her just because he pays right? Except, on the first date, a man really should pay his dues and not be afraid of being archaic. It's better than coming across as being cheap. Of course, a woman can always insist on paying her fair share and that is admirable but find a way to pay without her knowing. She'll appreciate the gesture and even more so because you've kept her sense of "doing the right thing" intact. |
Taking the girl home
You don't need a car to take a lady home, walking with her home is a fantastic way to wind down after the exciting first date. Of course, if that's not an option, then calling an Uber or a cab is absolutely fine too! What's surprising is more and more people seem to think calling a cab and sending the girl off on her own is ok and even the "right" thing to do! If an uber must be called, then atleast make sure the lady gets to her doorstep safe. Who knows, she might even invite you upstairs! |
Chivalry has it's place
Even though Chivalry has patriarchal roots, the fact that women have a more equal footing in today's society shouldn't inhibit the code of being a gentlemen. And, for most cases, acting chivalrous comes down to tiny gestures that amount to no real burden on the man. Whether it's gifting flowers, pulling out chairs or holding the door, good habits of gentlemen will never go out of style in the eyes of a woman.
Mainstream media likes to glorify males who tend to mistreat women and yet pass on the chivalric ones that don't make headlines. Just because certain kinds of behaviour may seem out-dated or not cool by mainstream media standards, it doesn't mean that they're not correct by societal standards. Don't let today's social norms dictate your behaviour.
Being chivalrous and a gentlemen is timeless.