There are some human traits that I find intolerable. We all have our own. But these days when I find myself in judgment/being triggered by how someone behaves, I remember this: personality defects come from insecurities and pain. Every time.
The personality defect that I find most abrasive, that I'm most unable to tolerate is know-it-all-ism (The Dunning-Kruger Effect). This sends me straight into judgment mode, and something clicks in me that tells me I must kick this person down a few notches, make them aware of their annoying behavior, and let them know that they don't know shit.
But these days the more refined me speaks up. And reminds me that they were probably told they were stupid as a child.
I've done so much of my own healing that I've grown a great compassion for humans. We suffer greatly, all of us. We're all very wounded. When you heal and you start to see yourself, you start to understand that most of your behavior is a reaction to wounds. I like how Matt Kahn refers to it as inflammation. It's like when you're allergic to a food and you ingest that food, inflammation happens. Likewise, when you ingest cruelty to yourself you are allergic to it, and your personality becomes inflamed. We're trying to compensate for what we're told we're not. We're trying to keep ourselves safe. We're trying desperately to be loved and accepted. I've never met a human being who wasn't seeking all these things.
We have so many layers of inflamed personality over the top of who we really are under all of our programming.
I'm able to see beyond people's inflammation right to their wounding, and that makes their behavior more forgivable to me.
But there are some behaviors that send me flying into my own inflamed behavior until my healed self speaks up and reminds me of their pain.
If you find yourself a very judgmental person like I used to be, I recommend deep healing for yourself. I don't say this as a condemnation, but doing so will bring you deep compassion for others. It will show you the many layers of pain that everyone is carrying around.
I know you think you're nicer and your behavior is much more forgivable and tolerable than most people, but if you will start to dig into yourself with some healing you will find a lot in yourself which you find intolerable. And then you will grow compassion for what you find intolerable in others as well.
It's through a deep understanding of ourselves that we grow compassion.
And if you have no compassion for yourself, you probably have none for others. I used to be extremely judgmental and even cruel to myself.
Being a human is hard. Maybe we can make it a little easier on each other by extending a little more understanding. Imagine if we could all remember that the more abrasive a person is, the more wounded and hurt they are, and they suffer greatly.
What personality trait can you not stand?
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