Okay, first off, I am not looking for a sexual partner. I already have one and my marriage isn't open yet. This is me going on record saying I've never had casual sex. I've had opportunities, but I didn't follow through. There are a handful of reasons for that. One is I got married really, really young. I was raised in a conservative, religious environment. Also, I was sexually assaulted when I was 14 and that kind of turned me off to ever losing sexual control. And casual sex always seemed like throwing the rules out the window.
Now, however, I see that it can be a woman owning her sexuality. It took me far too long in my marriage to say what I do and don't like thanks to my religious upbringing. Since I've learned to advocate, sex has become more than enjoyable. My spouse is the only consensual sexual partner I've ever had. I'm curious what some action would be like with another man.
Or, honestly, with another woman. I realized recently I'm bisexual. I was raised to believe that the only correct path is the hetero path, so imagine my incredible confusion each time I had a sexual fantasy that was me with another woman. I used to tell myself the fantasy was that I was a man. It was easier to accept than admitting I'm a woman who wants to touch women. Thanks again, religious conservatism.
I feel like I'm way too old to be having all these aha moments, yet here I am. My husband is aware of all this. He's curious about hookups too. Maybe it's something we'll open our marriage to in the future. What I want to know is, what's it like? Good, bad, ugly? I'm not looking for sexual detail. I want to know about emotional impact and if any of you have experience in open marriages. I mean, if I'm gonna ask, it might as well be here, right?