Chapter 5 - Journey To The Psychiatric Ward
Although I lived a somewhat “painful” childhood (“emotionally”), I would still not change it, as it played a part of who I am today, and as I learned later in my mid-twenties or so, the words, “love thyself” is one of the most important bases to leading a healthy life. From my understanding – and what I have been told – I have built up enough guilt to force a multiple life “revisit.” What this means is that I will reincarnate into this world multiple times in order to attempt to deal with the guilt that I feel. Much of this guilt – thought not all – is a result of my previous spiritual existence, where I apparently “shirked” some responsibilities on my part that ended up causing others pain. This guilt and sense of hopelessness culminated in an attempted suicide later in life (though I didn't work at it that hard), where I wrote some “good bye” notes to some of my family (which my mother later found while she was “digging” around, which caused her some “stress”).
I will skip over many personal life details leading to this point as it is not relevant to the story I am trying to get across. I will however attempt to describe the situation that led me to being labeled a “schizophrenic.”
I've always had in inner commentary of sorts and I basically ignored it throughout my life (this may be what made me socially paranoid at a subconscious level) and some people can have this happen on occasion but is not normally a problem for most...anyway (and my family doesn't believe this and forced me to stay on the drugs for about four years...I'm still not happy with them about that), I had what I term as a paranormal experience.
One of the first instances of “telepathy” that I can recall is when I was driving in my car with my windows up and “hearing” a guy at the local convenience store I was passing to “check my tire” which was making a rather annoying noise from the hub cap rubbing on the tire. This person was at least 40 feet from me at the time, and even though I had my window up I heard him “clear as day” “in my mind.” I thought it was rather unusual at the time but thought little of it.
Around the year 2003-2004 I was working as a programmer/consultant for a small company in Hamilton, Ontario. During this time I experienced several instances while working in my “cubicle” of “listening” to conversations between my then boss and his business partner regarding my work. This “listening” felt to be at an almost “subliminal” level as I was too far from my bosses office (and the “acoustics” were not conducive to this) to listen clearly I can specifically recall my bosses partner attempting to talk my boss into giving me a raise for the work I was doing, but my boss thought differently. I eventually ended up leaving this job to work for one of the “clients” (with a small pay raise of sorts). This later led me to start looking for my own apartment (I was living in my mother's basement at the time), which I found would lead to an “escalating” of the “telepathic” experiences. From what I later “learned” through telepathic communication/experience is that I have had several spirits/entities (some not so pleasant) following my life and my leaving the protection of “home”(IE with spiritual “wards”) was waited upon. I should at this point give a “shout out” to Malachi Martin, whom I have never personally met though have great respect for him and his life within the Catholic Church (IE as an exorcist). One of the several books he wrote of which I happen to own a copy called, “Hostage to the Devil” in which he talks about (in a fictional way) several of his experiences of helping people overcome “spiritual possession.”
On very rare instances in the past (usually when I 'focus inward') I could hear what other people were thinking and as it happened, when I moved to Hamilton, I made a 'connection'(we could hear each others thoughts) to my neighbour in the apartment next to mine (the women who rented the apartment mostly, not her daughter or husband as much) and as it turned out they were members of the Mob and once they found out I knew this, things escalated a bit and the husband decided to take exception to me (he thought I would call the police on them) and decided to stand outside my apartment door with a gun (I can't prove this to this day because I didn't see him but only heard 'noises' outside my door, like a gun clicking type noise) and had a bit of a 'showdown'(we were communicating through thoughts...with both the husband and wife, the wife had a better connection with me and could basically see what I was doing in the apartment and was communicating it to the husband(not sure exactly how this is done but some in the hospital could do it too, my thought at the time was they had a camera system of sorts, but can't adequately explain it, has to do with what I call the 'spirit world', some have ties to and can experience both worlds at the same time, the physical and 'spirit'...to try and explain a bit, when I was in the hospital I was warned (mentally) not to put my back to any walls (there were 'spirits'/beings that would put things in you, kinda like the stories of aliens abducting people and putting objects in you before they let you go)...it was quite an experience (about 'creation'/spirits/angels/demons/etc) and I enjoyed it for the most part (it's nice to know that there is something out there beyond the physical world...and I've always questioned the existence of 'God' up until that point...some of the patients actually took it upon themselves to introduce me to 'God' when they found out that i didn't truly believe...I actually tried going to the Latter Day Saints church (and i was baptized again...the real deal, with the full dunking and everything) shortly after getting out of the hospital, but later decided it wasn't for me (they tried to get me to stop drinking coffee, and that is something i just won't do, i gotta have a little 'sin' ...anyways, I experienced about 8 months where I had very strong ties to what I term as the 'spirit world/creation'...I was 'walking' in both worlds at the same time, and to the outside observer would seem a little distracted. There are some people that constantly do this and I suspect most of them are hospitalized, it's very difficult to exist in both worlds and function in the 'real' world at the same time(for that period of time I spent most of my time lying in bed (there is something about being stationary when dealing with the spirit world, and I would constantly be berated for moving (even an arm or leg) when lying in bed)...I was prompted to remain in 'things' at the hospital and was asked (again mentally) to do some crazy things (like write something on the hospital room wall in blood) so they would keep me permanently (the 10th floor of St Joes) and I complied with a few things (though not the blood writing thing) but later (after several months lying in bed at my apartment) decided to return to the 'real' world and for the most part ignore the rest (“they” will just have to survive without me)...I still get the occasional thought introduced to me in my mind and/or vision (it's kinda like a day dream ('minds eye'/inner ear), in the inner mind...though I have had a couple 'real' visions/experiences (demonic smile/'evil(black)' spirit emanating for someone's eyes, and a couple levitation experiences)).
According to many I came across in my later “research” the Earth has been raising her “frequency” closer to what some call the 4th “density” and I believe my escalating “experiences” were part of this. Upon moving into my new apartment I quickly established telepathic “connections” with many of the neighbors around me. I would tend to “hear” their thoughts, especially when they were related to and/or “directed” towards me. I have come to believe that these “thoughts” are not generally from the “conscious” minds of those around me but more generally from their “higher” and/or “spiritual” self that I was listening and/or communicating with. Some might refer to this as the “subconscious mind” but it appears to be a somewhat complex topic. I would later know this distinction as someone (including myself) as having an “open” or “closed” mind. In essence having an “open” mind meant that you could consciously listen to and/or communicate with the “spiritual world.” This being “open” or “closed” minded was something the “higher self” could choose to do, and was for a time often a topic of discussion as to whether those around me should be “open” or “closed”, with my always leaning towards “open.” This “connection” I had with my neighbors was not particularly troublesome (though a little disconcerting, as there is not much “privacy”) until I moved into an apartment unit (within the same building) next to a (what I believe to be, but cannot prove) mob member. This “connection” to my neighbor who was an apparently fairly high ranking “mob member” escalated one day to the point of my barricading myself in my apartment with my semi-sharpened sword (a gift from my brother, which I subsequently lost to the police due to calling 911) in hand. Passing over some needless details, after phoning 911 and explaining the situation (as well as the superintendent of my building who came up to “de-escalate”) I was given a “ride” to the “observation” floor/room of the local hospital, being observed at first by the “apprehending” officers and then a few hours later by some – very cute I might add – “under cover” officers. I'm somewhat guessing but I believe one of the female officers later assigned to watching me was “reading my mind” of sorts, because at some point I had her blushing, but that is a little off-topic. I was sent a tray of food and I recall making a “happy face” out of the separate items on the tray and placing it in front of the camera in my “observation” (“cool down”) room. I believe this made quite an impression and I can distinctly recall making a “connection” with those behind the camera and there being a bit of a group “cheer” when I responded to some of their questions “telepathically.” Needless to say, I cannot prove this happened, but as many others out there have claimed, many “departments” of government/military have their own “Black Op” team of sorts. This “black op” team would necessarily be of people who are “open” minded, which might explain the “cheer” as I believe this is still a relatively rare occurrence. Also the “cheer” I heard would have been from “open” minded people, but as I later learned more likely from “spirits” on the astral plane who were “out of body.”
After spending several hours in the “observation”/”cool down” floor/room I was then taken to the room leading to the MRI machine. I can recall it being fairly late in the evening and the room appeared to be shut-down for the night and I was getting the distinct impression we (myself and a nurse) were waiting on a discussion as to whether I would be put through a MRI scan or not. I distinctly recall at some point expressing some concern (in my mind) about being put through an MRI scan, and shortly after this (within minutes) being led out of the MRI area by the nurse. My memory is a little foggy on the details at this point (we're now talking about something that was over 8 years ago) but I found myself being led to a “locked-down” ward, which I later came to know as the psychiatric ward. A slight side note, I was immediately weighed and my blood pressure was taken upon entering my “new home.”
Anyways, to summarize, shortly after leaving a nice job as an IT Administrator I had what was termed as a 'psychotic episode' and spent some time in the hospital (9th floor of St Joes...it's a locked down ward that they put 'unstable' patients in, for example people that have tried to commit suicide or have had a semi-violent outburst, and/or are deemed schizophrenic...it was fun and nice to be around other people that are 'troubled', and gave me an interest in nursing, but anyways i spent 2 'sessions' of 3 week periods in there seeing psychiatrists and was diagnosed first as bi-polar and then later as schizophrenic and put on drugs for it). If the reader is not familiar with what is termed “schizophrenia”, it is basically a label applied to people that hear and/or see things that are not there (or not in the physical world).