When I asked him "how are you?", he replied "unibanging", with the honesty that can only come from someone suffering the primigenial fear to be engaged. A perfectly justified fear, if there's any; very if we consider that only 3% of the mammals are monogamous, including, at that moment, my friend and no, not your couple, my dear friend, we all saw the things your couple can do after the second glass of wine.
Beyond the blameworthy behavior your couple has (behavior we will suggest, but not explain, given that I write about science, not soft porn), monogamy is despicable evolutivelly speaking. Really, Who's idea was it to start placing all the eggs in one basket? Because, if evolution is based in variability followed by environmental pressure, at the end of the day, you're mixing very little; against a higher reproductive potential that is wasted (at least for men).
Then, why the monogamous instinct?
Of course, now we will dig into the cultural factor, and you'll shoot me to the knees, and YES, the UN tells us that around 93% of the women and 91% of the men are married by the age of 49, at least the data that goes from '47 to '92.
BUT.
One thing is to talk about monogamy, "on paper", monogamy; another one, the fact of "not throwing rocks at another pond". Just like monogamy is widely distributed in our societies, infidelity is too. A rough estimate is, in men infidelity rates are around 20% to 40%; while women are around 20% to 25%. Of course, anyone that defies that measurement can be happy to belong to the "other" part; and also tag their couples at the same corresponding group. It is a rough estimate because, culturally speaking the stigma of "being a cheater" is still large and treated as a personal taboo.
The thing is, that monogamy could be a strategy to have less eggs(?) in less baskets(now it looks better), so that the chicks(baby humans) survive until they are chickens(120% of abuse of analogy, COMPLETE). We Humans are exceptionally in the edge of a reproductive strategy: we have animals that reproduce at insane rates, but take little care of their progeny: like the fish, fertilizing thousands of eggs, but giving no parental care of any kind... Except Nemo, but Nemo was special. Not special because he was physically disabled (I would never say that someone disabled is special, I say it because It's Nemo, a talking fish, Pixar). On the other side, we've mammals, that have few children but take good care of them, many reaching adulthood.
Top this with the fact that humans are born incomplete. He's born "raw," so to speak. Anyone that saw a mammal animal's birth noticed that the first thing the critter tries to do as it's born is to stand up... It's not too long until it's totally independent of their parents.
Now, the human, always special; just like Nemo; is born dependent. He cannot feed himself, he cannot move by himself, he cannot do ANYTHING that wold keep help him survive until he surpasses the "baby" stage of live. Reaching this point takes around 5 to 6 years. Depending on whom you ask to.
So, how do we keep this critter alive?
How do we take care of that mix of genes that too so many dinners, movies and dates took to blend?Oxytocin.
There's a love besides "Love". A love that transcends "falling in love", this is attachment. The attachment is based in the relation of a hormone, the tyrannic oxytocin, with the balance of our brain; when that person that drove us crazy in love becomes a daily thing in life. Today, we know so much about the relation of this hormone and social behavior that we were able to isolate a variant of the cellular receptor that interacts with this hormone and is correlated with infidelity. A bit of you, your girlfriend, a cotton swab a PCR, sequencing and we're good to go, just like Gattaca, but with worse script.
Oxytocin makes this love, this addiction, bearable and constant, even practical. Practical for what? To take care of an incomplete human. The attachment is a way of building a nucleus, a couple that can take care of that pitiful project of human that we are when we are born.
The best part is how nature framed us and we willingly accept it. Because that social link is not built out of nowhere, the secret is: Timing
Oxytocin is not released all the time, it is at certain moments. This won't surprise anyone: the spikes are during a kiss, orgasm, a hug and the ever-loved spooning. Here's where the clear difference between staying to sleep or calling a taxi is born, the transition between love and attachment, falling for the evolutive trap that monogamy is. That is the secret, the reason why you know when was the last time she cried, or what she likes with her salad.
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