When psilocybin convinces you that you’re dying there is not one iota of doubt left, it does not partially convince you, it entirely convinces you and then you just go through it.
– Terence McKenna
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The following is part II of my heroic dose story. A few years back I had taken approximately 7 grams of psilocybin and had a profound spiritual experience that I believe was the most influential moment of my life thus far.
If you are interested in part I click this link
We continued to walk outside in the glittering snow. The psilocybin gave me a hyper awareness that allowed me to concentrate my focus in a way that I had never experienced before. My over dilated pupils allowed my retinas to absorb copious amounts of light. My vision was clear and crisp as if the objects that surrounded me were laser cut.
High definition precision.
Individual light particles reflected off each grain of snow and collided with my visual perception like a billion sparkling diamonds.
Laughing in amazement at the beauty of our surroundings all we could say was
"It’s so vivid"
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Suddenly I experienced a shift. I became overwhelmed in the awe of the moment. I felt an intense sense of oneness. I could no longer separate myself from the world around me. We were all one.
In this moment I not only felt connected to God but I felt as though I understood what god was. It was everything. It was the energy and the matter that made up the entire universe. It was the world and it was me. It was everything.
The feeling almost made me cry. All my life I had been searching for something that always seemed to be beyond my reach and beyond my comprehension. But here it was. A feeling that was hiding inside of me all this time. A feeling that surrounding me my entire life.
Hidden in plain sight.
In that moment I had a sudden feeling that I was going to die tonight. I had seen what I needed to see on this earth and now there was nothing left for me to look for. I wasn’t scared or troubled by the idea. There was no point in missing my friends or my family because I knew that deep down we are all one. I could not truly ever be separated from them because we all existed in the experience of god.
At this moment I turned to my friends and told them not to be alarmed or afraid at what I was about to tell them. I told them that I was certain that I was going to die tonight but that I was prepared to leave and ok with it, so there was no need for them to be afraid for me or saddened by my loss. I told them that I enjoyed our time together and my time on this earth.
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There was silence for a second or two. Then one of my friends quickly spoke.
"Too deep man. No more talk like that"
And that was the end of the conversation. We kept walking and talking about other things and slowly my feeling of oneness faded, along with my belief that I was going to die.
The experience was the most influential experience of my life. Though I sometimes forget what it felt like in that moment, it nonetheless has changed my life. It has left me with the belief that god exists in everything, that we are all one, and that there is no need to fear death.
