Our children from grandparents weave ropes. We left them on all summer and come - do not know. It asked, then whine, then cry, just to get their way. We were surprised and scared: what about the children? How do they even such small, so much pretense, cunning; because if you do not stop now, just bastard grow.
Pretending a cunning sauce and demands - not that other, as a routine. Children start to behave as "contaminated" by someone from the adults, imitating someone. But to really catch a sham, the child should at least once to be successful confirmation, for private gain.
Do we manipulate your own child?
Remember: "spoon for mom, a spoon for the cat ..." and sat down at the table, my grandmother promised that "eat all you want." I had to eat it all. A promise?
By sending a child to kindergarten, my mother that only promises ... And in the evening, it turns out, she does not remember what had promised to come and bring in five new toy. On the kid answers the questions: if you require, on Sunday in the theater did not go. Small, defenseless person all my fault.
Father scares, it would no longer glued to the baby model airplanes and cars, if it is dirty. And the grandfather says he does not take the next time you go fishing ...
That's right, you say, and how to get the baby to listen to, he also needs to understand what is required of him. And so it goes on - a lie to obey, lies to control the child, lies and eternal demands something, and then not understand.
Everything seems so familiar and innocuous. Easy manipulation techniques. But they are harmless only as long as the child hears the explanation, persuasion, see my mother and my father's example. While peer relations and friendly. If the baby is selfish, and you have already cheated, you nesdobrovat.
Everything will change once the baby starts selfish manipulate anyone and manipulation of these will be successful. That is, before becoming a manipulator, a kid should be selfish.
Careful, warning, obsessive attention generates Manipulator
If the child for a long time do not provide independence, surrounded by overprotection, it grows selfish. Egoist with a capital letter. In addition, it first attempts to manipulate people look cute and innocent. He fell and does not get up, do not want to clean up, wash nothing, without getting candy or ice cream. It is very difficult not to get yourself in the game little of actors. It begins this way: "Grandma, you're a good, well, still for half an hour at the TV," "Well, a little bit more for a walk", "? Is it possible in the evening do not brush your teeth and clean in the morning," "Let's not write the sticks and let's play ball! "
Do not let involve itself in this auction - you lose.
Be principled: "I'm leaving because it's time for dinner '- and quietly leave. The child will follow you, and if delayed, warned that this time you subtract from an evening walk or watching TV.
Basic conditions:
Follow the promises do not let your words flew in the wind;
Do not handle the child and do not allow themselves to be manipulated.
Refusal of manipulation does not imply interruption of the contact with the child. It is only important to clearly define their actions, "Tell me what to do and what do you want?" Explain, if you can fulfill his request, and if not, why not.
Translation of communication on the rails of the business, partnership is very useful and adult and child.
For adult-baby relationships built as a partnership, do not break contact, gain the trust of a child, and this is very important to keep our promises to the little man. Convince him that the partners are counting on reciprocal assistance and mutual understanding. And at the same time be an example to your baby!
This behavior gives children confidence in their strength and friendship with their parents. Is no need to manipulate the adults use self-serving deceit and histrionics.
From the book by Olga Shelopuho "Oh, these kids"
