From the very beginning I must say that it's not a whining post. It's just my personal thoughts about the subject, and I don't pretend them to be true. But anyway I had them for the last few weeks, and today a post by @karenmckersie "What happened to my beloved steemit?" pushed me to write them down.
I'm here on the platform since last year, joined in December. And since that first day I posted regularly, regularly means every day. And all the time I put lots of effort to ,make my posts bright, interesting, educating and useful. Or at least one of these. Every day work to make my blog nice and at least making people smile.
That means that all the time I'm creating original content for the platform for more them half a year. I made friends here on steemit, and I communicate a lot here (my posting bar is over 10.000 now, and I don't write spam comments like "nice post").
I never was the one to receive regularly high rewards here. Yes, technically I'm a dolphin (well, at least the steemit board of honor says so), but it's only because I was in long power up after HF-18, must of us were cause it was hard time for the platform. I remember the "Feel the burn" challenge, when we were trying to help the steem price to grow with burning SBD on promoting content. That everything felt like a true community. But the fact that I'm technically a dolphin doesn't give me anything. Except...
What do we have now? Instant "follow me" and "upvote me" spam in comments. Not only in comments, but in personal chat too, everywhere. That' what my 68 reputation gives me at the moment, newbies keep thinking that it means that I can give a high upvote or something.
But I can't.
And more then that - at the moment 5$ post reward looks like a great success to me. I can't understand why so, why now it takes me so much effort while I'm trying to do my best so hard?
It may look like a whining, partly it is, but only because I already feel really exhausted. One of my biggest dreams is to have a successful blog, but seems like it'll never become true. It was more or less OK when the platform was small, but now I feel really frustrated. What do I do wrong? Or may be I'm just a completely boring person, and no matter how hard I try it'll stay like that?
Yes, English is not my native, so I can't write articles with humor and interesting language as I would do it on my native. But still I'm an artist here, and art in an international language. Is my art that bad? Well, I doubt it, cause otherwise I would have no clients at all. Then what's wrong with me?
I really dream about a possibility to make one or two high quality post a day, and earn enough to at least feed my dog with it. Like some of my favorite steemians do, like Ophelia Fu, for example. But now I get noticed so rarely, that it makes such dream completely impossible.
If I feel like that, what do newbies feel? These newbies who are not "upvote for upvote" and "follow for follow" spammers, but those who create valuable content and never get noticed?
Private party for investors - that's what I recently heard about steemit. Is it true? I don't know. Is it fair if it's true? Of course it is, those who invested are absolutely the first ones to get rewarded, but... I see for sure that it's not 100% true.
Now what options do I have? I never asked for follows and upvotes, and I never will. Seems like I'll just keep blogging until I'll be absolutely sure that I really am a boring person. It pursued me for all my life, and here I only see the confirmation of it. Being a white crow for all life is hard sometimes, and I really am a white crow in lots of aspects in my life.
So the point of this all is - it really makes me sad. And makes me thinking is it worth my effort to continue creating posts, cause no matter will I put a single picture and only write a few words, or I'll spend hours on creating a post with showing process and full description - the result will be the same.