Forget about the fucking money for a second.

If you don't like cussing, leave now. I want to cuss tonight and there will be a lot of it.

I had been searching all day, starting at 9:30 am for something interesting to read on Steemit. I began the day with a challenge: I wanted to see if I could create 100 high quality comments on people's posts. I wrote about 8 comments on people's blog posts from a variety of sections: new, hot and active, but then I forgot all about an interview I had with George at 11:00 am. Fuck! I got ready in ten minutes for the interview. I think I'm done with interviews though.

Anyway, after the interview, I resumed trying to locate interesting posts. I found one from @dragonho that I quite liked, and some others, but I was finding it supremely difficult to find much that impacted me on a visceral level.

The day continued until BAM! I found @klye's post about how to stop worrying about money. It blew apart my fucking mind! This was the article I had been searching for all fucking day!!!!!!

Here it is:

@klye/how-to-stop-worrying-about-money

If you don't want to read it, basically, it made me feel exactly like this:

You see, ever since I returned from vacation and Steemit has become quite popular with over 70,000 people, I have noticed that I am not possessed any more by that outrageous zeal, that unstoppable passion and energy that first overtook me on June 8, 2016, when I first accidentally fell into the Steemit rabbit hole.

Those first four weeks were a haze of sleepless nights, unending study sessions in which I devoured the Whitepaper, Dan's blog, every YouTube video on BitShares, Steem and literally anything related to Ned and Dan's beginning phases.

My brain was quite literally blown to shreds, and I am not sure if people will remember this or not, but I had frequent hallucinatory episodes which were brought into existence because my brain was overstimulated with new information, lots of it. My passion for absorbing new information plus my prolific writing binge on Steemit caused me to instantly quit my day jobs, and I decided with abandon that I would throw myself into the Steemit universe without any realistic notions or practical concerns about money, outcome or anything else.

I was gripped, like the Gila Monster to the jaws of Steemit. I had fire.

There were few people in those early days, and everyone stood out because the news feed was so slow. I realized from the first days in Steemit that it would become crowded, and very soon, too. It did.

The dark spectre of money now looms large over every potential post that you or I decided to commit our energies to. There is stress inside our creative minds. We ask ourselves, "What will people read? Will the whales vote for my post? Is my post interesting to anyone? Why would anyone read anything I write?

The devaluing of our inner selves continues its merciless march towards this thought: what if I keep on posting and no one ever cares?

What if my small $100 posts start to turn into $10 posts and then $5? What will happen when the big celebrities enter the scene and the REAL competition shows up? What happens when big name writers appear, like Elizabeth Gilbert, essentially overshadowing all half-wits and smallish, no-name writers? Yes, it will be good for Steemit, but then what exactly should the no-name writers do? I have these fears, too. Remember, I quit all my professional writing gigs. I'm just not terribly interested in anything else at the moment. The Steemit beast still looms large in the realm of possibilities.

This is the point that I want to say: FUCK THE MONEY. JUST FUCKING FORGET ABOUT IT.

Just seeing this idea coming from someone else makes me feel better! The passion I had in the beginning was partly fueled by the money, but it was fueled by something else too: seeking knowledge.

I know people will not be able to forget about the money, but it's true. It wasn't until I read this by @Klye that I realized that I was caring too much about money and had started to treat Steemit like a job.

I was getting careful!

In getting careful, I was losing my sense of purpose, my passion and I was losing the fun. Here's part of his post that woke me up:

One final thing I should mention is that you can have all of the income in the world but if you spend it frivolously and foolishly on outlandish toys and needless vices you will soon find yourself once again poor and worrying about money. While being able to acquire great wealth is impressive and will give a good person great ability to improve their life, it is not a cure all. Money is merely a tool that could be viewed as a magnifier of people's character.

He is so right! Money is only a magnifier of character! I've become careful and a bit boring! I'm not boring! I need to return to being myself, the person who is an explorer, a risk taker and an adventurer without cares about money.

Before I had received low payouts for my posts, I was seized by an insatiable desire to build out a team of what I refer to as "Black Swans". This team's mission would be to find people who really want to become free (say, getting out of the 9-5 world) and then assisting them in a quite fantastical way. I have the entire thing mapped out in my mind how such an operation would work. I think it has tremendous potential. The selection of the team is crucial, as the skills required are intense. At any rate, I noticed that once my post payouts began to drop, I started worrying. I began to be consumed, like everyone else about the payouts! The whale vote has pretty much vaporized from my posts, and that began the feeling of being constrained again, like I was in the past before I found Steemit.

Then the price of Steem began falling, and before you know it, I am in a terrible mindset and the dream of building the Black Swan team has sort of vanished because that idea was created in a mindset of abundance, creativity and freedom!

It has happened so fast, and the cause is money, the worry that it will disappear.

I'm choosing today to live by what @klye has stated and I reformed into a new phrase: Just fucking forget about the money. Do the things that are scary, unknown and have the potential for great change.

Do the things that you're good at, that have the potential to benefit lots of people, especially you! Find your value, digging deeper every day. A happy person is a person who can give to others!

That person was right when they said, "You're not doing the world a favor when you play small." It's true!

Today, is a start of a new day in which I choose the fearful route, the one that seems impossible, full of trials, unknowns and mysteries!

It no longer matters if I am a failure here, and for some reason fall out of favor with the whales. I am going to follow my internal directives that are pushing me to do something that is scary and challenging. Something that gets my blood boiling again. I do not want my creative inspirations to be squashed by trifling worries! I want to really live in that third layer.

For, as Kamal Ravikant says, "On the other side of fear, that is where the magic is."

All gifs from giphy.com

Oh, and I think I am taking a break from publishing the Secret Writers. I need some days off to just go back to being me for a while. This means longer wait times. Be patient. I need my fun back.