The title of today's post is a question I have been asking myself and several loved ones, especially my husband for days now. I feel we have a habit of attaching too much meaning to things which is why we often find ourselves feeling trapped in negative thoughts and thinking too much about stuff. I did not get this easily. However, as soon as I became more aware of and drawn towards practicing meditation and nurturing mindfulness, I understood that it is better to live in the moment and experience and accept everything as it is instead of holding on to everything you experience and attaching undue meaning to things.
When I learned this lesson, I started applying it to different things and honestly, I ended up finding out that most of the stress that we feel in our routine lives is because of this one problem- thinking too much into things and associating undue meaning with stuff. I also realized that a lot of the stress that we experience in our routine is because many of us think too much about stuff because we attach too much meaning too stuff and this often makes our create mountains out of molehills.
For instance, yesterday we had some guests over at our place. My mother and siblings were also visiting us. One of those guests brought a present for my younger sister and when my son saw that, he became too excited because he wanted a present too. He thought it was for him, but when he found out it was for his aunt (my sister), he got a little upset. However, he cheered up himself quickly and said, 'Goldie (my sister's nickname) is the winner because she got a gift and I am a loser because I didn't get any.' As soon as he said this, my husband and my aunt quickly said, 'No, no you are not a loser. Don't say that. Who said you were a loser?' My husband got quite upset that my son was associating being a loser with not getting anything. I could sense him becoming frustrated because he did not want our son to think of himself as a loser and lower his self-esteem in the process.
My husband then started asking Faateh different questions about he formed this belief and so on and Faateh became upset in the process. I then asked my husband to calm down and let it be. I told him that Faateh was only 4 and exploring different words, concepts and meanings so it is okay if he thinks a certain way right now; we can slowly help him get a better understanding of stuff; but if we pressure him into thinking a certain way, he will become overwhelmed and may not learn to think independently.
I did not pursue that matter further because we were in a gathering and I did not want to enter a big discussion at that time. Today, on my way home after dropping Faateh to school, I was thinking about what happened yesterday and the more I thought on the issue, I realized that we have attached undue meaning to the word 'loser.' If we lose at something, the other person who wins is a winner and that makes us a loser, right? But why is this such a bad thing.
Yes, not getting anything does not mean we are losers, but if we lost at a contest, we are a sort of a loser. We did not win anything, that's it. But losing something does not make us any less or inferior than the one who won the contest. Losing at something does not mean we are not capable of doing great stuff. And it is not a testament of how incompetent or silly we are. It does not mean any of this stuff. It is our interpretation of that word that makes us perceive it differently and the reason we become so overwhelmed on hearing or using certain words is because we have formed a distorted and convoluted perception of it in our minds.
I believe this practice gives birth to many issues especially those related to a poor self-esteem that consequently paves way for bigger problem. If we just perceive a certain word as it is and an experience for what it really is and stop forcing ourselves to associate undue and unnecessary meaning to it, I think we would be able to resolve much of our issues on our own without having to go to a therapist for them. I have been trying doing this for a couple of months and honestly, it has produced great results for me so far.
For instance, earlier if my mother used to ask me to come visit me, I somehow used to think maybe she doesn't like visiting me or my home. Previously, I lived in a small house that wasn't well constructed so it was me who felt weird about it and had attached that meaning to my mother's statements. This was slowly building heaps of resentment inside me. Fortunately, I decided to open up to my mother about it and found out that she never thought that way. It was me who was associated unnecessary meaning to stuff, overthinking things and making up weird things in my mind.
When I learned to be more accepting of things and perceive them for what they are without judging them or putting labels on them, I became more at peace with everything and stopped overthinking stuff. This has helped me greatly and now I seldom find myself overthinking and stressing over stuff. I am slowly teaching the same to my husband and son as well so they too can take things for what they are. My son is only 4, but he is quite a sensitive boy and does think about stuff. However, I have noticed that he is fine by losing at stuff at times (not always lol) and does not get too offended by it so I am happy he is not reading too much between the lines right now.
What is your take on the topic? love having engaging conversations so please do drop your ideas and comments below. Looking forward to them. Thank you once again for going through this post. I hope you liked it. If you do enjoy my work, consider upvoting and resteeming it. Would be obliged to you for that too. :)
Love and light,
Sharoon.
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