“No”, it is a word that sometimes might be hard to pronounce, but nevertheless, it’s possibly the most important of our lives because it helps us choose, as well as set limits when getting requests from other people. A 'no' pronounced on time will always save us a lot of problems in the future.
What is the issue with the word "no"?
Parents tend to educate us from a young age to say yes to everything, without thinking on the repercussions this could have in the long term development. Saying "no" is recognizing that you have a personality and make it clear that you will not live tending to other people's expectations, something fundamental if you do not want to be a pushover in life.
Setting our own personal goal and managing our time efficiently are fundamentals things in order to take control of our decisions. This habit can be quite complicate to acquire as adults depending on the type of education received as a child. I believe there are still “old fashioned” parents that wish for their children to be totally obedient “without questioning anything”. And this can be a handicap for them later in life.
Have you ever said "yes" to something when in reality you wanted to say "no"? I do. I guess everyone at some point in our life. The truth is that there are times when making sacrifices is necessary, even healthy for our coexistence, but not being able to refuse to do what people ask from us is a problem that ends up creating low self-esteem and great resentment towards ourselves and others.
Can you help me with this work? -Yes, can we talk for a minute? -Yes, can you lend me some money? -Yes, can you solve this problem? -Yes, can you take care of the children? Can you wake up with me? - Yes, Yes, Yes ..- Until one day ...
You feel tired, the budget is not enough, you feel sad, and you feel that you do not get the proper results for your effort. You ask yourself: How my day went so fast, the week ... my whole life ?!, and you just do not understand what happened?
The answer is very simple, every time you say "YES" to something, someone or some situation, there is something else to which you say "NO", unfortunately when this behavior is practiced on a daily basis, you end up telling " NO "to yourself!
What can we do?
If we don’t see ourselves with the strength to say "no", many times it is just a lack of practice. One way to practice, is to do it in front of a mirror. Saying phrases that serve us in the future like for example: "Sorry, but at this moment I can not make this commitment", "I can not do it but if there is another way to help let me know "," I'm afraid I can not help you this time. Please take care of yourself "... Practice makes everything much easier. And being honest will always leave us with a feeling of relieve.
The best thing for our personal growth is to develop assertiveness and good communication, this includes good communication with yourself, between you and your goals, between your dreams and your activities, unfortunately there are people who dream of going in one direction but accept tasks that take them to a destination completely different. This is not the way to accomplish our goals.
So we can look and feel more secure, it’s better to simply be spontaneous, especially with our body position. If we suddenly change our position to a more tense one, we will perhaps feel uncomfortable. Rejecting requests is a totally natural thing and we shouldn’t feel forced to do anything we don’t want. So there is no need to feel nervous or obligated. The most important thing, you have to look people into their eyes. No looking at the sky or to the sides, looking for flies on the wall or stones on the ground! Looking into the eyes is a sign of interest to the other person and conveys security and openness. To avoid the eyes of the other person while he/she is speaking can be considered a lack of respect especially is the conversation is important.
The next time you say "YES" analyze what or who you are saying "NO", are you saying "NO" to your family ? to time with your children or people you love? Are you saying that "NO" to your dreams, your rest time or your relaxation ? Think about it and do not forget the day only has 24 hours and our vital energy is NOT infinite, surely after analyzing this you will feel better about your answer, whatever it may be.
Conclusion
If we don’t take care of ourselves, of our goals, our tasks, our time, time will pass us fast without accomplishing anything. We need to take care of ourselves and never forget it.
This doesn’t mean we should have a completely selfish life in which we never help other people and only think about ourselves, no, nothing could be further from the truth.
What I mean is, we need to have BALANCE in our life, and not let other people’s requests be the center of our existence. Helping and working together is important for the general health of our society, but dedicating the majority of our time attending requests and forgetting that our own goals require time too is not only unhealthy but also self destructive.
So, never forget to have balance, saying no from time to time is not unselfish. Is healthy for us and will allow us to have a more satisfactory existence.
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