For 3 days, the realms most skilled craftsman has waited for a reply to the letter sent to Chooxena, there were thoughts that he vegan lifestyle may have left her with no energy. But those fears were allayed when on the distant horizon I could hear the low trumpeting of a high fiber diet. At first I had thought that it may have been the initial salvos being fired, but word from Sir Scooterless assured me that it was just Chooxena relieving herself.
Finally on the 3rd day of the new moon, Wedgie returned minus one limb which I suspect Rogormortis may have been responsible for. The alliance has been accepted, but there are major fears for the safety of Madame Arly in New Cowardonia.
Now Gohba hates New Cowardonia, it smells and the people are worse than the Germanians but he couldn't possibly allow the good Madame Arly be ravaged by Sir Pervy and his slightly retarded man servant. So Gohba began work immediately on a mechanical flying machine, but got stuck on what to fuel it. Whale blubber was too hard to come by, Wood was too heavy. Then like a bolt of lightning it hit him. HORSES!!! He can power his machine with Horse Piss.
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Once it was all setup, he set off on the first flight, and it worked brilliant!!! Gohba was a genius!!. The only problem was he failed to install a compass and ended up in the dreaded Melbournia and there wasn't a single horse in sight. Dreading the reaction from Chooxena when he tells her of his misfortune Gohba calls into the closest Ale House and orders a cool beverage.
The boxum wench behind the bar bring the thirsty blacksmith a tall glass that looked kinda weird. After working out where to meet up with the wench after her shift, the blacksmith takes a swig of said drink and immediately sprays the room with this horrible liquid. HORSE PISS, these bloody Melbournians drink horse piss!! But now his problems were all solved, he refilled his flying machine and took a few spare kegs just incase. He jumps in the machine and heads north flying straight and true to meet up with Chooxena. His thrist quenched, his needs relieved and his tanks full.
Gohba eventually arrives in New Cowardonia around sunset on the 2nd day of flying. He finds Chooxena in a local hostel not far from the magnificent Chateau de l'ours un. As he enters, his first impression of the legandary Chooxena was somewhat of a let down. No yoga pants, no boobs. All he found was flannel nightys, hair in rollers reading a Mills and Boon novel. He hadn't realised that Chooxena was afflicted by a Night Aging Spell. As the sunsets, she turns into a 70year old biddy. I order myself a meal, and as I can see her teach in a mug beside her chair I order a big helping of creamed corn. Lets just say this act of kindness was NOT well recieved. While she may have the appearance of a 70year old, she has the termper of a 20year old as she throws the corn across the room and demands pumpkin soup.
After a quick planning session, Gohba finds the urgency overwhelming and decides to go it alone. Gohba steals Chooxena's sword and heads for the Chateau.
As he approaches he can hear the ruckus and Gohba hastens. The wine appears to be flowing freely, the frivolity rampant. Upon entering the chateau Gohba is greeted by a sooky looking servant. Finding out that this is Baldrique and he's sooking that he's in the friendzone and that Sir Pervy is upstairs preparing to ravage the stunning Madame Arly.
Gohba quickly punches Baldrique in the balls and tells him to man up, then powers up the stairs. Madame Arly appears before him puffed and panted as Lord Pervy appears proud of himself. Gohba was too late!!
A magnificent fight breaks out between the well built blacksmith and the weedy knight. After only a matter of minutes Sir Pervy the now Meek is strapped to a chair with his Tallywhacker out.
Gohba attends to Madame Arly to ensure to is ok, and offers a few cups of coffee to sober her up. In the meantime Tommy Testeless is setting up Gohbas forge and his "educational" tools.
As Gohba's back is turned, Baldrique has taken the advise and manned up. He's begins to slap him, over and over crying the he should never her done that to her. Gohba sits back and decides to let this play out, it was quite funny to watch. But then things take a turn for the worse as Baldrique snatches a knife out of the blacksmiths forge. But before Gohba can spring to his feet and stop the upset man servants the knife is swung towards the exposed todger. Gohba looks down in horror, but then falls over in hysterics. Balrdique hadn't cut anything, instead he had used the white hot tip to carve the word NO onto Sir Pervy's Knack-wurst.
After Gohba can compose himself, he helps the poor Sir Percy to his feet and pats him on his back as he sends him on his way. Never again will that pervy bastard terrorize the fair maidens of this stinky horrid land.
Gohba returns to the hostel to catch up with Chooxena. As he walks in, she swiftly gives him an almighty tongue lashing for stealing her sword.
Women!!! Gohba slumps down for a nap, but Chooxena tells him to get off his lazy ass, as we need to get to the rally point before tomorrow. So the final leg of the journey takes them, together with Tommy Testeless and a cryptic message given by Madame Arly, to the final rally point.
Gohba makes a cheeky remark questioning if riding a unicorn is actually animal exploitation. Subsequently Gohba is riding on his own and will probably be sleeping outside tonight.
Stay tuned to the next episode:
- Will Tommy Testeless decypher Arlys message and figure out where the rally point is.
- Will Chooxena acquire more Yoga pants
- Will there be any new characters join this band of brave heros!
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