Kids really get a raw deal. Most people just assume they're ignorant because they don't speak properly, stumble often, and are confused by the confusing rules of the adult world. Then at the same time, they're expected to get everything right, keep their incredibly powerful emotions in check, be quiet for large chunks of time in the midst of such an amazing world, and all kinds of other crazy stuff like eat foods they don't like. Can you imagine treating a friend this way? And yet we love them so much. And despite how much amazing wisdom we believe we are showering them with about colors and numbers and letters, they teach us so much more. Fresh from the factory, I always say. They have a deep and perfect understanding of a lot of important things. If you've never asked a child about spiritual matters, I highly recommend it. They also understand love, why grass and mud are totally amazing, that angels are everywhere, and the perfect beauty of being read to. Now I'm not saying I've got this thing wired because I don't. I screw up often. I get caught up thinking I know so much more than they do, but I've been stopped in my tracks, and thankfully I do have enough sense to know when to shut up and listen.
My oldest is 19, and my youngest is 4, so I have quite a spread, and after all these years, I have learned so many incredibly valuable lessons. When I saw this contest being put on by Steemmamas, I knew I had to take part. The question is What's the Best Thing a Child has Taught You. It was just a matter of picking a good one. The first that popped into my head is one from way back. I figure that's perfect because it's from the early years of mothering. My oldest was probably 5, maybe 6. I was still pretty idealistic. I was also still incredibly passionate about a whole host of things. I've always been pretty upfront and straight forward with my kids. I don't really bullshit them, and I make a really concerted effort to not talk down to them. It drives me batty when people talk to children like they're stupid or lesser beings. I'm not quite Captain Fantastic, but maybe I'm not that far off either, and sometimes I may perhaps give a bit too much info.
The oldest was born in 1998, so this must have been 2003 or 4. Smack dab in the middle of the Bush years. I don't want to talk politics in the comment section, but we will just say that I was not a big fan of that administration. Apparently I must have been pretty open about that and perhaps a tad vociferous in my opinions. So one day my sweet, gentle, peaceful little man came to me and said,
Mommy, I know it's not ok to kill people, but wouldn't it just be ok to kill Dick Cheney?
Oh lord, while mildly amused at the earnest innocence of his sweet voice and face contrasting with the darkness of what he'd said, I was mostly horrified. After about 3 seconds it was all horror. I immediately got down on my knees and grabbed his hands with tears in my eyes and said
Baby, no. It's never, ever ok to kill anyone, not even Dick Cheney. Violence is never the solution. It's not even ok to hit people.
Maybe this seems melodramatic, but this wasn't so long ago, and there are still places right now where children are soldiers because hate is so out of control
What did I learn? Well, I didn't stop talking about socio-political issues in front of my kids because I think it's important to discuss these things and how we would like the world to change, how we'd like things to look different. I did learn to soften my tone. The image of my sweet boy like a child soldier shook me deeply. Knowing that he had these ideas of hate in his sweet heart forced me to look at the venom I had apparently been spewing. This was the child that merely looked saddened and shocked when hit or bitten by another child. He almost never hit back. He was always kind and soft with other children and animals. He was always polite and helpful. He was also sharp as a tack, and he never missed a word that anyone said, so I knew I needed to tone it down. When I felt the fire rising, I trained myself to remember that every human, no matter how dark, was once a baby in his mother's arms. No one is born evil. Yes we want change. Yes we'd love certain people out of power (or all people), but hatred is a vile and disgusting thing. Wishing another human to die poisons your soul far more than it does theirs. As I caught myself, I would share the thought process with him so he could learn with me. So while I mostly shifted my narrative for his sake, I really learned an incredibly important lesson about the poison of hate and the humanity of everyone.
He turned out really well in case you were wondering. Still that sweet face!
Glad I chose this particular lesson because I think it's one we could all stand to hear right now. I certainly don't want to minimize the magnitude of the changes needed to save our species from self destruction in one form or another. I don't want to minimize the horrible experiences of marginalized people right now, including children, and I don't want to squash anyone's right to be angry, but I do think it's good to realize that no one ended up with darkness in their hearts for no reason.
I have just hopped on STEEMmamas, and I hope you'll head over to their discord to check it out. I don't have a lot of experience with it yet, but the idea of creating a gathering place for mamas is always a good one.
I'm also a passenger on the @ecoTrain, where our mission is to support people making the world a better place, and a member of @teamgirlpowa, whose mission is to support feminism, all who identify as women, and all marginalized groups.
All pics are mine or pixabay.