Twisted Jester

By the time you hear my cackling laugh, it’s too late for you, I will already have your ripe soul.

I am known as the Twisted Jester and what makes me laugh the most is to see you dead, sir HAHAHA. I would like to tell you my tale of fate, when I became this monster; I remember the exact date HAHAHAHA.

Shhhhhhh… Once I had loved ones, a beautiful family, and worked as a Jester in my village of Dunsworth. The village was along the Kings Highway, so there was always a steady stream of travelers willing to pay me in silver to perform my knife throwing act. I had made the show into a grand spectacle; the mixing of comedy with the danger of my blades would have the crowd eating out of the palm of my hand. Much of the humor of my show revolved around poking fun at the drunken antics of Lord Rotchild from Eastbridge. It was common knowledge throughout the realm that the Lord would imbibe on a daily basis to the point of inebriation. Many tales have been told of how he acted the fool because he could not hold his drink. HAHAHA… Shhhhhhh… In the middle of my act, I would dress as a royal and come staggering out from behind the curtain, announcing myself as the Merry Lord Rotchild. I would drink from the ale pitchers that were filled with gooseberry tea, giving the appearance of being a sloppy lush, and then juggle my knives in an erratic manner. The audience would howl with laughter as my blades fell to the ground with one sticking into the top of my boot.HAHA…

My family helped me with the act; my daughters and my wife were put in peril nightly as my knives came within inches of their flesh. News of my show spread throughout the land and one dreadful day Lord Rotchild made his way to my village in the company of the royal guard. Shhhhhhh… HA… The lord had sent a messenger requesting a private show in the main hall promptly at twilight; my family and I were very apprehensive about performing that evening. Surely he would understand that I meant no harm to his character by using his image in my comedy act and reward us handsomely to be entertained by our death-defying feats.

When we arrived at the main hall, the room was lively with the sounds of music and the loud ruckus of laughter. The royal guard was drinking ale in excess and as we made our way through the crowd, the soldiers saw the beauty of my wife and began to harass her relentlessly. Shhhhhh… I should have known better Shhhhh… I should have known better and got my family out of there Shhhhh… HAHAHA…

We got to the front of the hall and there was a large area opened up for us to perform our act in front of Lord Rotchild’s table. A hush came over the crowd as the Lord greeted us with his black-toothed grin, I had expected to see a man of wealth and grander but instead, I saw a horrid looking man, who was obviously intoxicated. HAHA… Shhhhh… He began to speak in a deep gargled voice “I have heard tales of your knife throwing skills to be spectacular; I would like to see for myself just how good you are.” Laughter arose from the crowd. “Tonight you will perform your act blindfolded for my entertainment.” I considered pleading for mercy but I could tell it would fall on deaf ears, instead, I boldly stated: “As you wish sire.” I have done my show so many times; I had confidence that I could do it blindfolded.

HAHA… The first part of my act was to stand thirty paces away from my oldest daughter; she would balance an apple on her head and hold one in each hand. I would rapid fire three knives and slice through the apples in the blink of an eye. Lord Rotchild threw down a rancid smelling stained red scarf that I tightly tied around my head placing me in total darkness. Shhhhhhh…. I carefully paced off a straight line from my terrified daughter, took a deep breath, and let my blades fly. I could tell from the cheers of the soldiers that my knives hit their mark. I removed the scarf and looked at the tearful face of my daughter, then to the ground to see the three sliced apples at her feet. HAHA…

I knew tonight’s show would not be comedic in nature and I did not interject the humor that made my act so entertaining to the normal travelers. Next was the wheel of death, my wife would be tied to the spinning wheel as I threw daggers to outline her body from fifty paces away. This would be the most challenging stunt of the night, this feat would be impossible if not for the click of the wheel that I heard so many times in the past. Every time the wheel did a complete revolution it would make a small click sound. I knew that if I could tune into that sound, I could judge the pace of the wheel giving me a small chance to let my wife come out of this whole. My wife bravely allowed me to strap her to the wheel, her words to me were “I believe in you, I trust that your hand be steady and your mind be clear.” I set the wheel spinning and walked back fifty paces and took one last look at my lovely wife who was staring to the side with no emotion on her face. I again tied the putrid-smelling scarf over my eyes. Shhhhh … Concentrate, listen for the clicks, I tuned out the chatter and background noise and I could faintly hear the click. Swoosh I let four of my daggers fly, I could hear a small whimper from my wife in between the last two clicks. Shhhhhhhh… Click, Click, Click, Click, and again I threw my last four daggers with force. This time I heard a painful yelp come from my wife, I ripped off my blindfold to see her still spinning on the wheel with one dagger in her shoulder and another in her thigh. HAHA… She was bleeding badly from her wounds but alive! I quickly ran to stop the wheel and untie her to the rowdy cheers of the soldiers.

I was ready to close out my show; both of my daughters would stand with their backs together holding a candle between their teeth, I then would throw an axe from each hand and extinguish the flames in unison. Shhhhhh… My daughters’ reluctantly stood back to back, with the candles in place, as I walked back twenty paces. Again I pulled the red scarf over my eyes, slowed my breathing, and visualized where my precious daughters were standing. Whoosh, I let my axes fly…. Shhhhhh… HAHA… The crowd erupted with cheers and laughter as I dropped the blindfold to the floor. My daughters were halfway back to me with their arms outreached ready for a joyful embrace.

I had done the impossible, my death-defying performance in total darkness. I turned to Lord Rotchild expecting to see the delight on his face but instead, he glared down at me with anger in his eyes. He slowly clapped his hands three times and stated “Very impressive, Jester. I’m not sure if you are aware but I too am skilled with a blade, in lieu of paying you in gold for your entertainment, I will instead pay you by allowing you to witness my fine skills as barter.” He instructed his soldiers to set up my daughters back to back with the candles in their mouths. HAHAHA… Shhhh… Lord Rotchild staggered eerily from his seat and exposed two large knives that he had picked up from the table. By the time I looked from him back to my daughters, their lifeless bodies were already on the floor in a pool of their own blood. I burst into anger and tried to get to my table of steel but the guards seized me before I could lay my hands on a blade. “Execute the Jester” Lord Rotchild yelled to his henchmen. As I was being dragged from the room I made eye contact with my terrified wife one last time as she was being pulled into the crowd of soldiers.

HAHAHA… The guards ushered me to the center of the village and hung me from the micmac tree where I stayed for thirteen days and nights. On the night of the first new moon when the sky was in total darkness, I opened my eyes once again. I know not why I was chosen to cheat death but I will take full advantage of my situation by tracking down Lord Rotchild and killing as many soldiers as possible along the way. Shhhhhh…HAHA… I am forever searching this land in the hopes that my sweet wife is still of the living and that once again we will be reunited.

I am of the element death. I walk with one foot in this world and one foot in the grave, in a twisted state of limbo. Shhhhh… Destruction and insanity follow me wherever I may roam. I am extremely accurate with my throwing knives and with a touch of my palm on your forehead; I have the power to transfer my pain of that dreadful day straight to your mind driving you completely insane.

HAHAHA If you happen across the Twisted Jester… Vultures will be feasting on your dead flesh as you rot and fester. HAHAHA… Shhhhhh… HAHAHA

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