Hey there, hi there, ho there Steem-a-reenos!
My lovely wife, @carrieallen, is hosting a new radio show on the Steemstar Network called...
SteemStar After Dark
It's sketch comedy! On the freakin' Steem Blockchain!
Tonight, Friday evening, at the confusing time of 12:00 AM UTC, we'll be live with attempted hilarity on the Steemstar Network! Here are the links!
If you haven't given this interactive radio thing a try yet, go for it! It's so much fun!
DISCORD LINK
We need more comedy writers!
Seriously. I'm just not that funny. And I work a lot. We're looking to fill the two hours (or longer) with original comedy material. It doesn't have to be family-friendly. This is After Dark, after all.
Here's one I whipped up this morning, to give you an example of what we're looking for here! This will be the first episode of...
The Cat Ladies!
THE CAT LADIES - Episode 1
CHARACTERS
BARISTA - A Young Man
DORIS - Elderly Owner of Multiple Cats
AGNES - Elderly Owner of Multiple Cats
ETHEL - Elderly Owner of Multiple Cats
BARISTA
Alright ladies, I’ve got your orders, we’ll have those ready
In just a couple minutes. Cappuccino for you, Mocha Latte
For you, and here’s your teabag ma’am…
DORIS
Can’t I just have my hot water now? I don’t want to wait for
You to make--
BARISTA
You just get your hot water from the machine, right over there, ma’am.
No no, no need to pay me again. We’re all settled up. You ladies
Just go ahead and have a seat and we’ll bring the drinks out to you.
Oop, ma’am, don’t forget your gym bag. There you go…
DORIS
I tell you, they treat us like cattle in these coffee shops.
AGNES
It’s fine, Doris. At least they’ll bring us our drinks. I just hate
Those places that make you go back to the counter to get your
Drink.
ETHEL
Well I just hope they don’t take too long with the drinks. In twenty
Minutes I have to sing Captain Whiskerkins his midday nap lullabye
Or he’ll never go to sleep.
AGNES
That was a great chair yoga class today, wasn’t it girls?
ETHEL
It sure was, Agnes. I’m feeling the burn.
DORIS
Ethel? Did you hear Peggy Thurman, after class? She was suggesting
That we do full standing yoga.
ETHEL
I did hear that. Peggy Thurman’s always trying to shake things up.
It’s not like we’re sixty-five anymore.
AGNES
That’s the truth, Ethel. Takes me back to my mall-walking days.
BARISTA
Here’s your cappuccino, ma’am. And here’s your mocha latte. Can I get
You some more hot water for your tea, Young Lady?
DORIS
Well aren’t you just the sweetest young fella? Thank you.
AGNES
Well I just don’t know what to do with my Mr. Scruffles.
ETHEL
Oh, is he still spending too much time outside? Maybe you’re not
Snuggling with him enough.
DORIS
I had the same problem last year with Lord Meowsington. He kept going
Outside, sometimes all night long, and coming back covered in filth.
Eventually, Lord Meowsington just didn’t come back at all.
ETHEL
That’s right. You’ve gotta keep a close eye on those kitties.
AGNES
Well, Mr. Scruffles has always liked playing outside, and I’ve always
Been fine with it. He never stays out long. But last week…
DORIS
[pause] Last week what, Agnes?
AGNES
Oh, Mr Scruffles. He’d been outside for a couple hours, and when
He came back, darned if he didn’t have a finger in his mouth.
[PAUSE]
ETHEL
What’s that, Agnes? It sounded like you said he had a finger in his mouth.
AGNES
That’s right, Ethel.
DORIS
A human finger?
AGNES
Looked like it to me, Doris. Have any of your cats ever come home
With a finger?
DORIS
I can’t say that they have, Agnes.
ETHEL
Was it bloody?
AGNES
Oh, there was a little blood, but it was mostly dried up.
DORIS
I guess the finger had been… separated from its owner for some
Time, then.
AGNES
It seemed that way, yes.
ETHEL
What did you do with the finger?
AGNES
Oh I put it straight down the garbage disposal. It wasn’t
Appetizing in the least, and I was about to eat a spicy pickle.
DORIS
Well, cats can find anything when they’re out on the prowl. My
Junior Hoisington once brought me a brand new pack of
Virginia Slims. Mind you, that was back in my smoking days.
ETHEL
If you were still smoking, Doris, you’d never be able to keep up
In those strenuous chair yoga classes.
And Peggy Thurman thinks we could do [mocking] regular yoga.
[LADIES LAUGH]
AGNES
Anyway, I didn’t think much of the finger, until a few days later
When Mr. Scruffles brought back a thumb.
[PAUSE]
ETHEL
So another finger?
AGNES
A Thumb. I thought, that’s a little more serious.
DORIS
I’ll say.
AGNES
And get this. It was…
DORIS and ETHEL
What?
AGNES
Well… More fresh than the last time.
ETHEL
Oh my. Like it was dripping blood?
AGNES
A little bit. And it was still soft. And Mr. Scruffles was acting
Strangely proud of himself.
DORIS
Do you think he got a taste for human flesh? I’ve heard of that happening.
My friend Ruby had a cat that constantly tried to eat parts of her while
She was sleeping. Can’t remember that cat’s name…
ETHEL
So what are you gonna do, Agnes?
AGNES
Oh, I don’t know. Mr Scruffles is under house arrest, no matter
How much my upholstery suffers. And I don’t know if my garbage
Disposal can handle another finger.
BARISTA
Excuse me, ladies, but I couldn’t help overhearing. As a matter of fact,
Most people in the cafe can hear you all very clearly. Anyway, for your
Interesting little cat problem, may I advise that you inform the police that
You keep finding severed fingers? That is not, I repeat, that is not a
Normal thing.
[PAUSE]
Okay, Ladies, can I get y’all anything else?
AGNES
What a nice, sensible young fellow.
ETHEL and DORIS
[AD LIB AGREEMENT].
THE END
Hehe... Hope you liked it! Tune in to Steemstar After Dark tonight!
