The title of this article is what it is!

I am an angry guy. I've dealt with this shit for a long time.

Thankfully, I've never gotten into fight before in my life. I've always managed to stay out of trouble. 

Ironically, I've had this limiting belief that because I've never gotten into a fight, I've been unable to express my anger properly, which has resulted in a lot of pain as I spend a lot of time and energy ruminating over angry thoughts.

I'd think that I am not a real man for not getting into a fight before when my friends have.

I'd think about how my bullies and wrongdoers 'won' and got away with it. 

I'd create crazy, angry scenarios about me kicking their asses in my head which is extremely draining on me.

Sometimes I would WISH to get into a fight just so I can finally unleash my anger, serve a platter of justice and finally find peace.

But of course, I am not a moron.

That'd be highly stupid. I've not killed anyone, gotten myself killed or landed in jail yet, and I intend to keep it that way.

Heck, you probably think this is stupid, but dealing with my anger issues is my personal journey; my inner demons; my battles.

Fighting is but one exaggerated idea I've blown out of proportion, perhaps due to my ego. 

So last year, I decided to tackle it in a safe, controlled environment. 

I chose Thailand. I didn't want to do it at some gym at home. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and go all out alone.

This is both a travel and spiritual piece I've written.

May this fusion enlighten you all, especially to all fellow angry dudes out there.

Enter Thailand...

That's the gym. It's called Eminent Air Gym and it's located in Bangkok.

The deal was pretty damn sweet!

At just 9,000 Baht ($260), I got:

- A shared room to stay in with air condition and WIFI.

- Two meals a day.

- Two training sessions a day, Sundays are off days.

All of this for a week.

The Room...

This was taken on my first night there. I felt so excited, yet nervous. 

I apparently went at a time when it wasn't the peak or anything, so the room only had me and two other dudes.

I was the only newbie. They were real pro-fighters. More on them later.

The room was decent. It had your basic necessities. Unfortunately, the WIFI couldn't really be detected in the room cause the router was like way over somewhere else. All good, since I got myself a SIM Card for my phone.

But yo, this picture was taken when I just couldn't sleep! Mosquitoes were buzzing all over and biting me non-stop. Again, all good! What's a little annoyance from some pests in my journey to learn how to fight eh?

I was just way too excited for the following day, my first day of training.

The Training...

This was how training went down:

- Everyone would wake up everyday at 630AM. 7AM was the time training commenced. 

- We'd go for a 30-45 minute run. This was okay. It wasn't like we ran in a group or had an instructor pushing us to hit a certain time. We pretty much ran along the alleyways around the gym. Pretty raw if you ask me!

- After the run, everyone would prepare at the gym and practice the different aspects of Muay Thai. They included clinching, bag work, kicking pads with trainer and sparring.

Now, since I was a total newbie, I mostly kicked pads everyday with a trainer.

Check it! That's me kicking the pads.

Every day, a different trainer would be attached to me. The attention given to me and to detail was simply great.

So all in all, I mostly learnt the techniques from a trainer, kicked and hit pads with him and then proceeded do it on my own with the bags. 

- At around 9AM, training would be done. Everyone would be free to use the weights and gym equipment there for your own work out.

I was told by a trainer there to do more sit-ups cause I wasn't ripped like the rest. Well, that was a given honestly.

- After that, breakfast would come around 1030AM. Nobody eats before training. 

- This is the morning session. After breakfast, we'd all nap.

- The entire training cycle repeats again at 3pm and ends at about 6PM with dinner served soon after.

The Meals...

Eating with the guys!

This middle-aged lady who worked as a manager of sorts would buy us our meals after every session.

It was fucking awesome, every meal. When you're tired and totally beaten up, literally from training, you just looked forward to the food so much. Meals consisted of whatever she decides to buy, be it Thai food or western food.

And since she knew we trained all the time, everyone had like double portions.

Truly, this to me was the athlete lifestyle.

You sleep. You wake up. You train. You eat. You sleep again. You wake up and train again. You do this for 6 days a week. 

It was tiring, challenging, yet extremely fulfilling. 

When was the last time you really pushed yourself on a regular basis?

When was the last time you truly enjoyed a meal, despite it being the same shit you've eaten regularly? 

Big challenges, along with little pleasures, you know what I mean? They make for a really rewarding day.

The Damage...

Pardon my foot, but there you go. 

After just a couple of sessions, my feet and legs were bruised and bleeding. Every kick hurt on the pads!

My wrists hurt a little too, even with gloves on when I punched the pads. 

But it was all good! No pain, no gain. What's a little pain when you really want to fight for something eh?

The Fighters...

From left to right: One of my instructors, an American/Serbian pro-fighter, an Italian pro-fighter, an Australian pro-fighter.

I shared the room with the two white dudes. It was really cool since they were pros. The American guy is actually kind of famous, going by the name of Ognjen Topic. He has won a bunch of championships and has a huge following! Check out his Instagram and official website.

So it was like, wuuut! I am in the same room with somebody who's a big deal right here in Thailand!

Also, they said I talked too much and asked too many questions haha.

The Australian guy, man! Let's just say he's my new bro in life then who helped defeat the purpose of my journey, slightly.

Basically, when I arrived at the gym, I told myself that I wouldn't drink or party and that I would maintain a week of fitness and self-exploration.

On the first night after training, he and I got bored. So we went out for drinks. On the second night we went out shopping and drinking at at night market ( Rot Fai Market @ Srinakarin Soi 51.) Then he flew off on my third night. He came a few days earlier.

So much for that! But again, all good! We all woke up and went back to training without fail anyway.

The Food Poisoning...

Nothing much to be said here. That's me feeling extremely weak after puking all day and suffering severe bouts of diarrhea.

I've no idea how I got it. Everybody ate the same meal and only I got it. 

I eventually asked them to send me to the hospital to get meds because I was really too weak to do anything.

I missed a day of training in total (since I got it on Saturday night. I skipped Monday's training.)

I also lost 2KG just from that.

The Hospitality...

It wasn't just all training (and gallivanting out at night.)

Everyone there was really nice. 

The trainers would invite me down to sit with them for dinner and drinks right at the gym itself. We talked and shared stories. 

It was just really nice and welcoming.

This was taken on my last night. We ate. I got pictures taken. I said my goodbyes to everyone and then left to go to my hotel. I had another three nights alone in Bangkok to chill and stuff.

The seven days at the gym were nothing short of amazing.

And I shall express that gratitude in what I've learnt.

The Enlightenment...

This lion is not roaring. He is calm.

So am I a less angry dude now that I've learnt how to fight?

A little I guess, but that's not to say all my emotional problems are cured. No real issue can be solved that easily. That takes commitment over the long-term.

But yeah, learning the basics of Muay Thai definitely opened my mind and helped destroy my immature notions of fighting and anger.

You should never use violence just because you're angry, even if you're wronged for the very fact that you'd look ridiculously stupid if you're untrained and lashing out angrily in public.

Muay Thai emphasizes heavily on maintaining a relaxed stance, a chilled out one even. That's how you maintain your composure, your emotions and ability to move around.

I was very inspired by this idea, that Muay Thai fighters were always calm in front of their opponents. With this idea, you already win before the first attack is made.

Stay calm in everything you do in life, and you're on the winning path. That takes real control and winners have control.

Losers don't have control. Losers take the easy way out and just cry, whine, scream or fight every time their emotions overwhelm them.

I am certainly no pro just from a week of training, but it has given me that much more confidence in being in control. 

I will find it in me to walk away. If that fails, I'll do what it takes to be calm in a fight and not start flailing around like a WWE wrestler.

You ought to stop sizing everyone up

Admittedly, when I was in a pissy mood and having trouble with my negative thoughts, I'd go out, look at other dudes and just convince myself I can win them in a fight somehow. 

And that's one of the dumbest mistakes you can ever make.

On my last day of training, my trainer told me to spar with one of the fighters. 

My sparring partner was a kid who was a head shorter than me, 20KG lighter than me (we asked what his weight was and it was 46KG!) and was definitely more than a decade younger than me.

And he whooped my bitch ass.

It wasn't a real, all out sparring session or anything, but I was mostly squirming like a little bitch.

Every contact he made, I just felt the force and stumbled backwards. He even did this hit-your-legs trick thing and I fell over!

So yeah. Stop sizing everyone up. 

It's not just about physical size and who can win in a fight. You just never know what their unique battles are within. It is what they go through that makes them the strong person that they are.

And how strong you want to be is up to you. You only become strong when you start focusing on yourself.

You ought to simply chill and be happy

I think the thing that helped me most in terms of my anger during the week was seeing how everyone was happy with what they had in front of them.

The pros were intensely focused in their training.

The trainers were very helpful and made sure I didn't feel left out even though I had the least experience there.

Trainers and pros alike would be goofing around, laughing away and splashing the drinking water at each other and shit.

And when they chilled, they chilled. As mentioned, the trainers had dinner and drinks together every night. 

It was like they were all happy because they had a goal, a target in mind and had each other for support.

Then they don't let the shitty things in life matter, at all.

That's it for my fusion piece!

I hope you enjoyed it or even helped you.

I do contemplate from time to time on going back, if anything for nothing but a week-long getaway for fitness and working out.

For anyone going through some problems or battling some issues you feel is too much to handle, my straight-up solution is simply this:

Just travel. Do it alone.

When you travel, you're bound to feel uncomfortable and that's how you get out of your comfort zone, by feeling uncomfortable (and not just talking about it.)

Then you're bound to meet people of different cultures who will show you that the things that make you unhappy literally have zero effect on them.

So, if they feel happy in the face of what you're facing, why can't you?

Travel then, and answer that for yourself.

Peace,

Alden