Probably my last go for a while. The effort involved in this is too much for the return. I need to research Steemit and figure out how I am failing here. Once I figure it out I will return with more installments. This entry does not really convey the struggle I dealt with. I was spending an inordinate amount of time in the classroom trying to get my act together. I believed the criticisms I was receiving. As for the students, they were rough on me and I thought I was a terrible teacher. In hindsight I was going through the crucible and speaking with peers after the fact, they went through it too, even the experienced teachers.
Right before Christmas, the student who gave me the most trouble in class came in and handed me a present. He said “here,” and turned around and left. I was stunned. Over Christmas break I engaged in a lot of reflection. I needed to figure out what I was going to do and whether teaching was my calling. I returned to the classroom determined to see the year through.
I believed I was making strides in the classroom and I felt confident that I was improving. Administrators did not come into my classroom and I was receiving a tremendous amount of criticism but I persevered. My mentor and department chair were very supportive of my efforts. I received my employee evaluation in May and was placed on a plan of action; almost all of my evaluations were in the “Needs Improvement” category. I had not had a formal observation since October. I was ready to move to another occupation, I felt teaching was not for me. While I truly loved my students and had a great appreciation for their parents, I was not prepared to deal with the other professionals in the educational world. Two events changed my future and I believe they were an answer to prayers.
In late May the father of one of my students came by to see me in the afternoon. While we were discussing his son, the Principal walked into my room and asked the father to come to his office. The father agreed but said, “I would like to bring [him] with me.” I do not remember all the details of our conversation but I vividly remember the father saying that the teacher that had the greatest impact on his son was his “brother of the heart, [me].” I was stunned and looked at the Principal to see if there would be any reaction. There was not.
In June, with school almost over and with me still contemplating my future, I received a second affirmation that I should not give up on my vocation. When returning to my classroom after dropping off my students for lunch, I found an envelope on my desk. In it was a letter from the young man who gave me the Christmas gift. He explained to me how much I meant to him and told me he was thankful I was there for him. He knew I was struggling but he wanted to know if I would be back the following year. That afternoon I told him I was not done yet.
On the last day of school, I paid the Director a visit and asked him if he wanted me back the following school year. He told me that he would be thrilled to have me back and I assured him I would see him in July.
The pictures I include were taken by me on my trip across the USA in 2014. I wrote these entries during that trip.