SIDS

I was as happy as could be at this point in life.

 I had married the love of my life 6years ago who provided me with a daughter who is now just over 5 years old. Now, we have a newborn baby boy who I just completely adore! Last year I also receive a nice promotion in my job so money is in plenty supply and my wife could stay home to care for the children. Nothing could be going better. 

6months later...

I couldn't see it coming. We did everything as we did before; I probably did more this time, as I always wanted a son and felt obligated to meet his needs. I loved him before he was born. It just didn't make sense,

Last night my son died in his sleep.

The doctors told us it was nobody’s fault; that these things happen sporadically. There was nothing we could have done to prevent it, in fact its common enough that is has a medical term called SIDS. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. But I just can help placing the blame upon myself; I almost think my wife finds me guilty as she can't even speak more than a few words. I know it hurts her just as much.

3 months later...

It's been difficult to keep composer anymore, I was never an emotional guy, many times I am able to brush things off with ease, but lately, something foreign has begun manifesting within. I have heard a difference in opinion, some call it PTSD or anxiety, I’ve heard the word depression thrown in, but nobody really knows.

 I don't especially like doctors anymore, because they are full of such non-sense and generalities. I can't get specific answers from any of them, just a complete circle. When it comes to my son; no answers. My wife has turned into a zombie of her former self; no answers. I can’t sleep more than a few hours without waking up wanting to check on my now deceased little boy. 

I can only imagine how my daughter must feel. She sees us every day, but there is obvious neglect from both her parents.

1month later...

After months of my wife weeping in solitude, pushing me away and barely speaking to me, I think she has started to return back to life, at least attempting to. Tonight I came home to an amazing meal with candles and wine, our daughter was at my wife’s sisters, and I couldn't help noticing that she was smiling. I was still hurting, and probably always will, but with my wife coming around, I know we can support each other to make it through. I wanted everything to be ok again, and I wanted her to be ok again. 

After our dinner, we went upstairs and made love for the first time since the tragedy. It was full of passion like I hadn't felt for years. It wasn't like the routine we used to have, but instead I felt close to my wife again, and could feel the women I used to know coming back to me.

Afterword’s, we lay in bed talking while holding each other and talking softly while. It wasn't until nearly midnight that she got up to take a shower. I remember her gently kissing my lips and saying I love you, before I drifted to sleep to the sound of water flowing from a showerhead.

I woke up hours later and my wife wasn't in the bed. I noticed the light was on in the bathroom but more disturbingly, so was the shower. I felt my gut tense as I got up and opened the door. I knew it before I entered, but I still went in. 

There she lay in the tub, small tendrils of blood seeping into the drain, her skin pale and little droplets of water washing away the life. The note on the sink; I could bear to read.

2weeks later...

I can't take it here anymore. Too many memories haunt me and I can't be in this house. I sold for whatever price I could get, quit my job and my daughter and I are moving into my parents until we can emotionally move on, if we can move on. I fear for her more than I fear for myself. Losing a mother and brother is unimaginable to me even though I lost a wife and son. 

As everything was packed and ready, my daughter was waiting in the car while I did one last check around the house. There were so many memories and emotions I just couldn't face, going into my sons room was something I hadn't done since it all happened. My family came to help move things from this room. There was just something about the pain that kept me from entering. But being that my memories of him were here many times, I felt the "need" to go in one last time. Maybe it was a sort of closure, if that was even possible.

The room was completely bare. I walked the edges and felt my fingers along the windowsills. I opened the closed door just to peek in, but instead, ended up sitting down in it. I don't know why I decided to sit down in his closet, but it just felt right. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes to let some tears and emotions come out.

After a couple minutes, I wiped my eyes. Feeling ready to leave I took a deep breath and as I went to get up I noticed some writing on the backside of the closet wall.

At about waste height drawn with a pencil in childish handwriting, were the words

"I killed my brother"

The horror that followed....

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed and it brought some spine tingle!

 I will continue these stories because they are fun to write, so if you'd like to see more please follow me @generation.easy

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