Where The Super Bowl Elicits Amusing Sports Stories From Family Members
I grew up in a football worshiping family. That is probably a bit of an understatement. Coffee tables have met their end with displays of pig skin-infused destruction. My dad used to fall trees all day and then go practice with a semi-pro team. I'm pretty sure that my grandma would pull out someone's hair if they slandered her favorite player. The examples could continue for a few paragraphs.
Don't get me wrong, I like the game quite a lot. My nickname as a child was Joe Montana, and as we had the only grass yard in the entire town on the Alaskan island that we lived on, many a pair of my glasses were broken as I smashed town boys into the turf. Professional football, however, just doesn't hold much of an allure to me. I do love to get together with all of my extended family and friends to watch sporting events on occasion though, for then I get to hear stories, and today presented a few fantastic sports themed selections.
My dad and my uncle are pretty opposite in both appearance and demeanor. Ron, my father, is a bushy, black-haired extrovert extraordinaire. His mouth is always running, and there is no envelope that he doesn't like to push. My uncle Jeff, was a more fair-haired comedian sort. He was very fastidious in both appearance and in his living area. In fact my grandma told me it looked like there was a taped line down the middle of the room that they shared, with my father's side resembling a tornado stricken shack and my uncle's part of the room trending more toward the orderly side of the personality spectrum.
How their bedroom keeping habits morphed into javelin throwing might confuse some, but at our family gatherings sports themed anecdotes always worm their way into any conversation.
"Remember that time you threw the javelin through the window?" my grandma burst out as I was shoveling a forkful of roast turkey into my mouth.
I let the turkey hang there in curiosity frozen suspension as I looked to dad.
He replied laughing, "Sure do!"
Grandma continued,"Yeah, the first time your grandfather replaced the window, but the second time we refused."
Dad then started laughing and said, "Then it snowed and I woke up in the morning covered with a few inches of it!"
We all started laughing, which only encouraged the storytelling.
Grandma then told us how she made the mistake of lying on Uncle Jeff's bed one afternoon to read since my grandpa was taking a nap in their room. She said that while she was reclining and reading her latest romance novel that a javelin sailed through the window and stuck into the wall above her.
"That was the last time that I read in there!" She chuckled with amusement.
Both my uncle and my dad were excellent javelin chuckers, my uncle held the school record with a toss of 217.7 feet. I think that repeatedly sticking a javelin into the roof of your house must be a good motivational tool. Who knows?
Since we were on the subject of track and field, because we were watching football this topic totally made sense, Dad moved on to another story. Apparently there was a time when your track coach could throw nine of you in a camper that was strapped to the back of a truck and take you to the beach. Ahh, the good old days. We have a family friend (Marvin) from the old days visiting for Super Bowl, as he wanted my grandma to make him a turkey, so he made the day's drive and purchased a turkey. This kind of thing is a normal occurrence round here. He piped up:
"Hey Ron, remember when Coach took us to the beach?" Marvin delivered this line while fishing a drumstick from the platter.
"Oh man, remember what we dared Greb to do?" Dad burst out.
He turned to me,"So we all dared Greb to streak around the truck and camper when we came to a stoplight. He stripped down and hopped out of the truck. THE LIGHT CHANGED, and Greb had to run buck naked for an entire city block til he caught up to us!" Dad and Marvin both busted into laughter as they relived this moment, and as I smiled and ate the birthday cake that my daughter had decorated for my mother, I had a mini-ponder at how much has changed when it comes to coaching young people.
They both continued with their track-tinged revelry:
"Remember when we got to the beach and this guy pulled up in the truck with his girlfriend?" Dad turned to me as he said this,
"You know Merle, right?, Well this guy pulled up to us in this nice pickup as we got to the beach and said 'you want to take it for a drive?' Merle said, 'Sure!' opened the door, jerked the guy out of the truck, hopped in and put his arm around the guy's girlfriend, and took that truck for a drive down the beach!"
Both Marvin and Dad laughed until they had to take a restorative few bites of turkey for a soothing tryptophan effect.
I found my mind wandering a bit as they continued with their reminisces. We live in a time in which everything is managed so thoroughly. There is a policy and rule for every possible scenario, yet I sat at a table this evening and listened to two almost senior citizen men guffaw and joke about events in their past that would get you into at least some trouble if you engaged in them now. Is life better now with all of our focus on safety and control? It's definitely something to think about.
I present to you all the only pig skin that I tend to hang out around these days:
And as always, with the exception of the cited image, the images in this post were all captured on my potato chip-encrusted iPhone.