Times were hard and the Tortoise was not a rich man. He did what he could to get by but things became increasingly difficult to get, the leopard announced in the news earlier in the year that there might be famine, mismanagement of plants had caused it, the upper echelon blamed the herbivores for eating too much, while in truth they were at fault for sleeping more and hunting less. Damn millennials, they always want things the easy way the Tortoise thought. His friend the Alligator decided to host a lunch with his friends and had sent a text on the Raven App. The Tortoise made sure he got to the event at the right time, not too early so it doesn’t seem like he doesn’t have a life, and not to late so he doesn’t miss any serving of food. He made sure to leave his house at midnight, any later and he would have been late and he could not afford the Call –A –Cheetah service.
“Tortoise old friend, how are things?” the Alligator asked upon seeing the Tortoise.
“Alli my man, things have been slow but you know how it is.” The Tortoise replied.
“Hmmm” hummed the Alligator as if pondering the words. “Always the one with the entendres, slow as in you move slow and slow as in famine approaching, I feel you man.” he finished.
Animals had spread the news of the Tortoise’s victory in a race over the Hare on the Raven App, now everyone assumed the Tortoise was wise, all because the colour blind Hare could not tell him and his cousins apart. He enjoyed it though, everyone tried to be sophisticated around him and held him in high regard, and they even made up deeper meanings to his words and invited him to eat free food. Win win.
The Alligator had gone all out on this lunch; it was an omnivore buffet with clean water. The Tortoise immediately went to the porridge section, porridge was a favourite amongst herbivores and the Tortoise was fond of packing as much as he could into take away boxes and hiding it in his shell, it saves him days worth of food. To his utmost disbelief take away packs were unavailable; everything to be eaten must be eaten in the Alligator’s house. What was the Tortoise to do? He couldn’t just give up on this gift of sustenance, famine was approaching. He came up with an idea; he filled his plate with as much porridge as it could carry and stood alone at a corner of the room to stuff his cap full of porridge. The Tortoise wore a large cap (the abetiaja) –to signify his massive intellect and house his afro he had been cultivating to further increase the size of head, the bigger the body part the more powerful it was he believed – and his cap now doubled as a take away pack as he placed it back on his head.
The porridge was still steaming hot and became a huge inconvenience to the Tortoise. It was time to make an excuse and get out of there. He called the Alligator’s attention and whispered,
“Alli you’ll have to excuse me, Yanibo fell on her back again, and you know how big her shell has gotten.”
“But you just arrived, stay a while.” The Alligator protested.
“I would Alli but you know what they say about a happy wife.” The Tortoise said with his usual hair of wisdom.
“Truer words have never been said, that’s why I subscribed to PandaTv, and my wife loves Asian television.”
The heat was becoming more inconvenient by the second, he was sweating now.
“Sure same as Yanibo, I really have to go friend. Say goodbye to the Mrs for me.” The Tortoise said in a slight hurry as he made to leave.
“She would be sad she didn’t get to see you though, surely you would greet her in person.”
The heat was becoming unbearable now and steam could almost be seen escaping his nostrils.
“I have to apologise friend, if I do not leave now, Yanibo would surely become intolerable, and she doesn’t like spending time on her back you see.” The tortoise added as he started to move away as quickly as he could.
“Do you smell something burning?” the Alligator asked.
“Better go check on the kitchen” the Tortoise replied.
The Tortoise had removed his cap as soon as he had gotten to what he considered a safe distance from the Alligator’s house. His beautiful afro was halfway gone leaving him looking like a very unusual bald man indeed. He returned home to meet Yanibo watching a Z! reality show ‘Keeping up with the Foxes’. She turned to greet him and caught a glance of his head.
“What happened to you hair?” she exclaimed.