“Commencing Virtual Conclusion in 6-5-4...”
As an End Of Life Specialist I'd heard this countdown hundreds of times. But this one wasn't going to be like those. This wasn't going to be like any of them.
“...3-2-1. Good luck Jane.”
I'm in. I begin to walk towards the light. You never know where you'll end up when you plug in. Even the client doesn't know. Memories don't work like that. None of us know which one will be there with us at the end. That's where I come in.
End Of Life Specialist.
You should see my job description:
The Employee will guide the Client through the procedure so as to ensure the client reaches their Virtual Conclusion with the minimal amount of pain and suffering.
Translation:
Make sure they don't freak out when they die so we don't get sued!
I'm not always this jaded though, I swear. I love my job, I really do. I guess I'm more nervous than I thought.
I can see him in the distance now. He's sitting on the back-porch of the old house, watching me as I walk over. I let him speak first.
“I was hoping it would be you. You didn't answer any of my calls...”
“Hi Daddy.”
I can feel my heart in my throat.
“How long's it been?"
“21 years.”
He looks away, staring off into the distance.
“It seems longer.”
“Does it?”
He nods slowly and sighs.
“Much.”
I let the silence settle until he gets up and walks to the lily garden on the side of the house. Mom helped me plant it when I was little. Or I helped her. I'm not sure.
“So this is it, is it? Could find a worse way to spend your final moments I suppose. Maybe even too good for what I deserve.”
“This isn't it.”
Definitely not.
“Why not?”
“Because death is just as difficult as life.”
I'm not as gentle as I usually am.
“Oh...that's too bad...”
His fear aches deep inside me and yet I consider letting him soak in it, just for a moment, so he can feel alone. Though I suppose he's no stranger to solitude either.
Besides, they'll be watching.
“It'll be OK dad. That's what I'm here for. I'm very good at my job.”
He looks me in the eyes again and smiles softly.
“Alright Sweetie, if you say so.”
It's been a lifetime since I've heard him call me that. Tears fill my soul but won't mark my face. Pain boils beneath the surface, but my eyes do not betray.
“Let's walk to the front, Dad.”
I usually have to help the clients find it, but this time I know exactly where to go.
“Alright Sweetie, let's go then...”
The flutter in his voice tells me that he knows too.
~~
We turn the corner to the driveway and suddenly it's dark out. So very dark and so very loud. Dogs bark, helicopters circle overhead, men yell with guns drawn. I notice my father beside me, doing his very best to block it all out. I take him by the arm and lead him forward. He must be present before they can begin.
I point at the shadowed figure on the lawn.
“There, look.”
He hesitates.
“I can't...”
I lower my voice half an octave like the manual recommends.
“It'll be OK dad, it's almost over now. Go on, look.”
He lifts his gaze and suddenly I'm enveloped in complete darkness. Not only that but to make matters worse, I think I'm alone! Panic rises up inside me. This has never happened before; I've never left a client's side. I take a few deep breaths to suppress that old familiar terror and attempt to make sense of it all. Suddenly I remember, an End Of Life Specialist has never shared a memory with a client before! Even though it's still too dark to see, I now know exactly where I am. I can hear her trembling in the corner of the closet there beside me. I can feel her fear again.
The chaos outside the bedroom is reaching a crescendo. It must almost be time.
I watch her...me...stand up cautiously and walk out the closet, moving to the front of the house where the door is strewn wide-open, perfectly framing the madness outside.
I follow her through the exit and and run the tip of my fingers gently through her imaginary hair as I move past my own trauma towards my dad's.
He's still standing in the same exact position; so horrified by his demons he hardly noticed I was gone.
I take a precautionary stance behind him and follow his gaze back towards the front lawn. It's nearly over now....
