“I haven't seen rain like this in years.”
I heard the voice, but I was deep in my own thoughts, unaware at first as to whether or not this voice was coming to me from within. I came to, slowly, and looked up. There she was, looking at me, I guess awaiting my response. A splendid vision stood before me, such beauty, but a beauty I had not encountered before. She emanated a sense of calmness and clarity, a peacefulness that appeared to clothe her. Who is this woman?
“I'm sorry, what was that?” I had only partially taking in what she said, as I was so transfixed by the sight of her.
“Oh, I was just mentioning the rain. You know, I don't believe I have seen rain like this in years.”
She was right, we hadn't seen rain like this in years. It was raining, a lot. Here we were standing at a bus stop, waiting for the bus to arrive, huddled under the small shelter, and all around us, fell this endless volume of rain. It had been falling for hours now.
“No we haven't,” I replied. “I can't recall the last time, in fact.”
That much was true. When was the last time we had seen such weather? It had been unusually dry for so long. I had to think about it, search my memory for a clue. And that's when it came to me. It was three years ago, give or take, since the heavens had opened up like this. Around the time I had lost my Madison. She was the love of my life. We had been married for seven years, but it felt like several lifetimes. There truly was a connection there, a depth that I could never replicate, even if I tried. How does one replace a soul mate?
“It's been so dry for so long. I've missed the rain. It's refreshing, don't you think? Purging, even. You can just feel the new life emerging, the Earth singing.” She had an eloquence to her speech that was refreshing in itself. Who spoke like that? And to a stranger. But she was correct. It did feel like new life was emerging. Three years we have waited, with only a few drops here and there. Not enough to nurture life. Everything felt withered and dry. Like my life has felt these past three years. I haven't been able to think about anything else. The grieving period lasted so long, you know, even I was surprised. I suppose in the last month or two I had thought less of her loss. Not less of her. Just not about the loss. It's like my memories have started to heal, to patch over the scars left behind, because there has been a gradual sense of stability return.
“You're right. It is refreshing. After so long I wondered if we'd ever see rain again.” I couldn't help but think of the parallels between the rain and my loss. It seemed obvious, now that she mentioned the rain. But I was intrigued. Why did she mention it to me? And who is she?
“You have the look of intrigue in your eyes,” she said, reading my mind with too much ease, “I don't mean to cause you any concern.” She spoke with such reassurance. Even her words were bathed in beauty and presence. I was literally sharing the bus stop with an angel. Perhaps that idea wasn't so far fetched.
“I'm sorry if I look so stunned. But I have never met such an angel before!” I tried to frame my words with the air of casualness. I was trying to hide behind a generality, but I was meaning angel in the specific. And I was captivated. The words were out before I had a chance to self-censor.
She smiled, the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. It went straight through me. An energy entered me, and started organising my thoughts, my memories. My mind started racing, like a filing cabinet and a tornado crossed paths. I stood, mesmerised, just staring at her. I was frozen on the outside. But inside me something was happening. What was she doing to me? I wasn't afraid. She reassured me. Without words, yet she spoke directly to me, inside my head.
“It will be alright. I have something to show you.” The words were in my head. I heard them. But her mouth did not move. Her lips were still, holding that smile that had me hypnotised.
And that's when I saw it. Within my mind. Within me, somewhere. To the depths of my soul. I was no longer standing there at the bus stop, with this mysterious woman, this angel. I was back in time, standing with Madison. I could see it all. Our house, her, the surroundings. She smelled heavenly, just as I recalled. The emotions flooded through me. What was happening?
“If I should ever leave, if my time comes that I have to go, please do not be afraid. Do not lose your future in endless grief. I will watch over you. Just as you have watched over me.” Madison was speaking to me. I don't remember her saying these words to me, but right here and now she was. “If you should ever need me, to help heal the pain, I will be there. You will know. You will feel my presence,” she continued to reassure me.
I felt myself returning to the bus stop. Had I been there all along? Had I just been lost in my suppressed memories? I adjusted my focus, and looked at the angel still before me. She grabbed my gaze and looked deep into my eyes. And that's when I saw it, for the first time. This angel was Madison.
“It's time for renewal,” she said, pointing out at the rains that continued to fall heavily around us. “It's time to grow again.”
She reached out a hand to touch me, and as she held my hand she faded before my eyes.
