If you want to lose a friend, lend him money
I always had money. Since I was a kid I would receive some small money from my relatives each birthday and other occasions. I also had small money just as a reward from my parents or grandparents. Well, sometimes I would get some toys and such, but mostly they would give me money.
What a kid does when he or she gets some money? Yep, a kid mostly will spend money right away, because ‘I badly want this right now!!!’ Not me. I had a moneybox. Once in a while I would buy myself something that I really wanted. I’m not sure how I got this very behavior, but I never spent all the money I had. Not a single time. I always had some reserve left.
Kids have everything they want these days–best toys in town, top newest gadgets, luxury autos, when they are still teenagers (‘Daddy, I need a new Porsche, mine is three years old already!’). I don’t want to say that it’s definitely a bad thing that kids have a better (easier) life, but I wasn’t raised like that. No, I mean I had some toys, when I was a kid, newest 8086 computer (with some more after), three bikes and then two motorcycles, when I grew up. But, my intention each time was to collect enough money to get something that I really badly wanted. Never a spontaneous purchase (to be completely honest I might lie here, but never mind, it’s my story, right?). So, why I’m richman then, you wonder? This is easy–I always had enough money.
Since school it was a must for me to have enough pocket money with me when going out anywhere and a solid reserve fund at home. Money meant freedom and independence for me, I could not loose it all at once. Actually I was spending these papers buying some food, VHS tapes with new movies, as well as flowers and gifts for girls (oh, these girls!) and alcohol, but I would only spent some portion of my stash. Sorry, it was a long preface (some people wanted an introduction post from me, so consider written above as such!) So, now comes the story. I had many friends in high school, but one of them was still my best friend even after school years. Nothing extraordinary so far. Now, I shall mention that right after high school he got a job of croupier (dealer) in one of the casinos nearby. He was a damn good dealer! Actually the best I knew–he could even shoot a wheel sector (five numbers next to each other on the wheel), if you know what I’m talking about. I’m not even mentioning the skills he had with the cards. But, there was a huge problem–he got addicted to gambling. He saw so many people winning decent amounts and was so much confident he knew all the gambling tricks that he we would go gambling himself to another casino right after his job as a dealer. As I’ve told before he was a professional dealer, so in fact sometimes he would win and get a lot of money. If you ever gambled you already know that the hardest in gambling is to stop gambling either you win or you lose. I was gambling myself and I should tell you that it’s damn hard to stop! If you win you feel like a king and think to yourself that it’s your lucky day and you will win thousands dollars more, if you will continue gambling (free alcohol served in casinos helps the case.) And if you lose, well, you think this single next bet would finally make you a winner and you will recover all the money! So, my best friend needed money all the time mostly for gambling. He borrowed from me frequently up to some hundred bucks once in while, never returned timely. I wouldn’t bother that much about any schedules, as I’ve said above I always had a reserve fund to cover any unexpected expenses and we were friends after all. One day he needed a thousand dollars for some urgent purchase (new computer or something) for a week. ‘No problem, buddy! We are friends–I’m ready to help.’ Then he disappeared for a month to come to me later dead drunk at 8 AM. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, I feel guilty, but I’m totally broke at the moment!’ he mumbled. ‘It’s fine. You don’t have to be, we all have our circumstances. This can wait’ I answered him. It was month after month, he would call sometimes to repeat the same ‘I’m so sorry, buddy!’ Needless to say we haven’t met each other, no more joint pickuping pretty girls, fun house parties, or other crazy things together. Have you ever had that stupid feeling, when you are in no way guilty, but feel like you did something wrong? Now, that’s the case! I felt guilty, because I valued our long-term friendship and felt like I did wrong when lending him money. I didn’t call him, because otherwise I would only hear some mumbling and refusal to go out and meet or whatever. Another day in a year after he would suddenly come to me with a big bag. ‘Could you hide this somewhere?’ he asked. ‘Why? What’s in a bag?’ I wondered. ‘It’s money. Lots of money, I don’t even know how much,’ he answered. I have to explain here that his casino soon was closed and after that he had a job with some bank that was doing money laundering. The bank was cashing out some big amounts of money all the time for some big bad guys. I’ve heard from my other friends that it meant carrying amounts up to a million dollars in a backpack stuffed with cash for the clients of the bank using a public transport (sounds a little crazy, huh?) That time it was an unexpected police raid to that bank with almost all staff arrested, but he escaped with some cash he had on hand. ‘They will not seek me or money here, because we haven’t contacted each other for more than a year.’ he told. ‘I still owe you money. So here it is,’ he gave me $1000 back out of the bag. ‘Ok, buddy, hopefully see you later!’ he told me and hastily went out. He was kept in police station for some two weeks to be released after. When I knew for sure that everything will be fine I just came to his parents (yep, we still lived with our parents that time) just to bring them money. (That’s not the end of the story yet!) Time flied, we tried to reunite, even had some crazy parties together. What can be better than old buddies having a big party gathering after not seeing each other in years? Much fun, I tell you! But then it happened again… They came to me together with another friend to my new own apartment, where I lived with a girlfriend and asked for money. I was smarter this time: ‘Oops, sorry guys! Too much expenses these days, I wish I could help, but…” Actually I was upset–when it was about partying it wasn’t a problem for me to spent some money for an expensive bottle of whiskey and fancy food, but I wasn’t going to do it this way. Seemed like they felt like I was lying (in fact I never could hide the fact I’m lying). Hereafter we had occasional talks and meetings with my best friend, but seemed like that was it. No more real friendship, it’s gone, and we just know each other from that time until now. I work in finance (lending) currently, hear the stories about people defaulting on their loans each day. And you know what? It’s dead simple–the bigger the loans you give the more risks you assume every each time. It’s getting much more complicated when you give personal loans to your friends. It’s a strict rule for me now: Do not give big personal loans. No need in any promissory notes or anything alike, just don’t do it! If it’s your close friend and he needs some hundred bucks right now, better tell him ‘Buddy, let me buy this whatever for you! When you have enough money with you, you will buy me something back,’ but never repeat my mistake! And one more advise, never let a small problem grow into a big problem. If you give some money to say your colleague then he or she should repay in time probably with some reasonable delay. If a person defaults to repay a loan with a reasonable timeframe, never give him/her another loan, because you risk only spoiling your relations later. And one more from richman: You are not a damn money tree, remember this!
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