I had been weary from the day's job, but I was even more weary from crying. Five years in the city, and I still fell homesick. It was one of my wallowing Saturday late night drama. The rain was pouring hard and I was alone. All alone. This is what I remember.
I kept walking slowly until I bumped into something hard... It was a translucent wall. I can see through it. The next thing I knew, a glass door sprung from it. I slowly turned the knob and entered.
Inside, I felt a surguing kind of bliss combined with unbridled peacefulness and contentment."Close your eyes." Said the clear voice of a man that I would know very well, everywhere, even with my eyes closed. He was there. That man I saw just a while ago. He was behind me. I felt his hand on my shoulder and it was so big, and felt so small in a safe kind of way. I breathed just in time to hear him say, "Open it now."..I opened my eyes and i was in the same room. I was near the door of a brightly colored room. And then saw her.
A little girl was kneeling down, wearing white pajamas with dolphin prints. She was in a deep prayer. Her eyelashes were long, her hair falling on soft little waves, Her chubby little face moving while she was reciting a prayer I learned a long time ago.."Ever this day." I was watching her intently that I didn't see the man slowly going to her, his back, still turned form me. He patted the child's head and little girl stood up. She was about 3 or four years old and she held the man's hands tightly. While they walk across the room towards me. No, not towards me, I realized when I saw something fell and hit the floor from where it was put safely on the wall near me. It was a bicycle. A bright red child bicycle with wheels the color of rainbow.
The girl frowned and was about to run to get it.
I hastily bent down saying "don't worry, I got it."
I slowly put the bike back in the place and while touching it, it felt oddly familiar. I brushed the thought away and stared back at the man and the little girl again. The man's face was still unclear to me as he keeps bowing his head down to the girl. He carried her back to a nearby chair near the bed and got something that was lying around all along. A guitar. It happened too slowly, too fast. The girl sat on the man's lap clapping her chubby little hands while the man started to play a song that made my heart beat so fast, my hair stand up and I was overwhelmed with feelings I thought had healed, buried, forgotten while the song rang clearly in that room and I was there, staring....
"edelweiss, edelweiss, every morning you greet me, small and wise big and bright you look happy to meet me.."
And that's when the man looked up to me for fraction of a moment and I was frozen there, not noticing the tears falling fast from th eyes that finally saw the face of a hero from a long time ago..and he cannot breathe...and he continued playing, looked at me and smiled, then stared down at the little girl again as she finished with her song..
"blossoms of snow, may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow, forever hmmmm..hmmm.."
I gasped, memorizing the little girl's face, her eyes, her hair..that song that I learned from what seemed like another universe, where everything was wonderful.."Oh god, papa..." I was already crying so hard, I thought I couldn't stop while gasping for air, watching me in those pajamas.
He stopped playing, paused and looked at me while he was kissing the little girl and said,"Take care babygirl. I love you, I'm always, always here. You just need to listen." Then he stood up, carried the little girl in his arms and put her to bed. Then he turned the door, and went out while I was left there trying to take it all in.
No wonder everything was familiar. I was in my room back when I was still a little girl. That was my bike there leaning on the wall and I remembered how many times I had ridden on it until it got quite rusty..How many times I sang that song and how it gave such delight to my father...
"Jane, jane wake up, you sleepyhead, it's me" I sat up so suddenly, waking from my childhood..my memory..
"Papa!"
"Jane I'm sorry but I gotta wake you up. We both know he's been dead for 2 years." said my bestfriend, who, it appears, just came home from Manila where she was working..
"I'll make you some coffee."
"yeah, yeah..do that.." I said, stillin a daze in my dream..It seemed so real..