The steemit community was recently rocked by the suicide of a key member. While I did not have the honor of knowing Laura, I was deeply saddened by her death- I too lost a good friend to this epidemic a couple years ago. I ache for everyone who is missing a Laura-pieced shape from their heart. I wrote this poem the day after I learned of Johnny's death, when I wasn't sure if I had any words... but they found me anyway. I hope they bring someone, somewhere, some comfort.
Johnny
You always did things without thinking them through,
Despite being the smartest person I know.
I guess it should be past tense now
But nothing about you was ever past tense.
You are always present.
Something in me
refuses to accept that you're gone.
That you left us
Lost and at a loss-
Something in me
wants to call your number and rail at your voicemail
wants to message you on Facebook and tell you to quit being an idiot
wants to ask you why
and didn't you know that....
I always joked that I could drag people back
Maybe you're just testing me.
I failed.
Did you feel like a failure?
We failed you.
The last thing I said to you was
"I don't know"
If only I knew how immense that truth was.
Maybe we should have talked less about books
and more about how you were part of me.
How a chunk of my childhood
could choose to die
I'll never know.
Words seem unreal surreal disassociated
despite the fact that we both worshipped at that same wordsaint altar all our lives.
When did the sum of them stop being enough?
Question marks embedded on my broken soul
Maybe you really did think this one through.
Maybe you knew the world didn't deserve you.
My Patron Saint of Lost Causes
1987-2015
If you are considering suicide, or just need someone to talk to, please consider getting help:
US residents:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
Online Chat
Crisis Text Line
Here is the link for international users
If you liked my poetry, please consider checking out some of my other work
Alien
Alter/Deny
Dirty Angel
Art and text property of the author. Photo of Johnny is property of his family and used with permission