Why, at 23, I feel so inaccomplished and lacking.
I don't have a healthy lifestyle. I'm not even a regular employee, what more an owner of my own business. I don't travel much. I can count the places I went to (and passed by riding on a bus) using one hand. I don't even have savings. I just have a huge amount of debt and countless of things I want to do.
At 23, I still feel ugly. Save all the shits because we know this one is true. Most of the time its downsides resonate to work, emotion, relationship, and self-worth. No matter what people say that you shouldn't be affected by mean words, stares, or judgement being thrown at you, you will still be affected. It will ruin all the self-love you once kept so hidden in your heart. Just like that. Because even the ones you treasure will be the ones that will tell you that you are ugly and that it sucks to be with you.
At 23, I realized that no matter how hard I try, I am still inadequate. I'm still less than everyone else. Can't even be accepted to top companies. Can't even pass a year without random and not-so random people bringing me down.
At 23, I find joy in lying down inside my room, away from judging eyes. I find peace in knowing there will be no one to judge me whether I keep my hair messy long and tangled, or whether I haven't take a bath at 3 P.M.
At 23, despite the negativity, I still feel blessed in realizing that only few friends who truly care for you and loves you will do just fine. I find contentment in experiencing the love of my partner. That with those messy fights, mistakes, and misundertandings, we experience the raw human feelings. We understand that we are our own person, that it's okay not to be perfect, and you still have your family to backyou up as well.
At 23, I believe that there are invisible hands that guide us all in this hunger-driven world. These hands are not what the pretentious wants it to be portrayed. He does not love with conditions. At least, that's what I believe. So if I gave up and decided to finally leave, I know that He'll understands. I know that He'll be there at the other side no matter how well or poor I did in this fleeting world.
At 23, these are my thoughts.
-Post processed using picsart & lightroom cc-