During those darker days, I quit my job and shunned myself from society but I slowly started to integrate myself back in. I couldn't believe how much happier I was! Every day I promised myself to keep doing what I was doing so that I would never go back to the horrible, black place I once slipped into.

It was one night after a couple months of this that changed my life and lead me to the travel I know you're excited to hear about.

It was about 10pm; I was in bed, in my pajamas, watching a documentary when I got a message. It was my former boss, so I answered it. He was desperate, I could sense it in his words as he pleaded with me to come into work and help him train some new employees.

Honestly, I didn't want to leave my bed, but I knew I could use the cash so I said "OK" and quickly got ready to go.

I worked in nightclubs during university, which came with it's ups and downs. The downs overwhelmingly surpassed what you might consider positives of this job so, being away from it was one of the reasons I was having so much success getting better but I knew it would be a lucrative move, so I decided one night back in wouldn't kill me.

One of the managers was at a restaurant in between my house and where the club was so he invited me to come by and see him before I had to be in for my shift.

I got dropped off in a cab about half an hour before I needed to be behind the bar. As soon as I walked in, he excitedly handed me a glass of wine, thanked me for coming in on such short notice and was apparently under the impression that I would be coming back to work regularly.

I had no intention of it, but I thanked him for thinking of me and accepted the glass.

I was pretty tense but the expensive, aged wine helped loosen me up. He told me that this night was very important as we had special guests coming in and he wanted me to take special care of them.

If I'm being honest with you (and I am), I really didn't care too much about any of this. I just wanted to get in, get out and hopefully have some money in my hand so when I got to work I had a really "DGAF" attitude. Just get in, get out, go home with the money, I thought to myself.

I got on the bar and didn't see anyone to train so I was confused as to why I was needed to come in, surely they could have found someone else to just tend the bar, why did they say they needed me?

Since I was starting at 11:00, the bar was pretty packed already and I was being bombarded with various drink orders and money being thrown at me.

Not too long after that, another manager came into the bar and was shocked to see me back. He had just been to a gala and was on the high end of intoxicated so he was more affectionate and gracious than usual when he saw me.

It went something like this... "basically since you quit, you're not technically an employee so just have fun, let's have some shots, you can take your tips at the end, have a few more shots... here is the person I want you to train."

I remember clearly at the time being thrilled that I had not only the go-ahead to be drinking while working but also that said drinks were being bought for me so, naturally I obliged.

Oh no! I hadn't been drinking any alcohol since I had been through this transformation... My tolerance had clearly taken a hit and I could feel it all smacking me in the face.

It was at that moment, when I was standing there, realizing the effects of the drinks I just had that he brought in this tall, handsome man in a uniform with the bluest eyes I had ever seen and threw him behind the bar with me. I can still hear his voice in my ear telling me I had free rein of the bar as long as I promised to take extra care of his special guest.

At that time in my life, since I was still nursing myself from the breakup, and trying hard to continue my transformation, I wasn't looking for a man in my life and certainly not at my bar so I barely even looked up at him for the first bit... but the tequila had other plans for me.

The night looked like this:

So many customers were swarming the bar ordering this and that, the other and the other. The music was too loud to hear anything anyway and well, it was too busy to train this guy who didn't have a clue about serving drinks. The other girls on the far side of the bar were in over their heads and everything was hitting the fan so we just decided to give up and only serve tequila.

... everything they say about tequila is true.

By the end of the night, this man had gone home in a limo that had swung by to pick him up somewhere along the line and I was trying my best to count bottles despite my hazy head.

My manager was sprawled out in the lounge closest to me and watching me struggle, yelled at me to give up and just come sit with him for a minute. He was straight up wasted and I remember it being a sobering event trying to get him to make any sense but what he ended up saying to me changed my life.

Essentially, through slurring and interludes, what he said to me was that he knew I had been hurt and he knew I was dealing with the effects of that, taking it out on all man-kind... but to give his friend a chance. He provoked me into calling him and told me to stop being so scared to get back out there or I'd waste my whole life never learning what it was like to feel again. So I picked up my phone, dialed... and he didn't answer!

I was already drunk and now I was humiliated so I decided to go home. It was winter and snowing, the air was so cold but I let my bare legs be exposed to it, feeling the burning sensation when the snow touched my flesh and letting it bring me back down to Earth.

Two days passed without a word but by the third day, I went on my first date with the man behind the uniform and that is where this journey started...

Fast Forward Again

3 months passed and all we could do was spend our time together. For the first month and a half, I kept my heart stiff, cold, guarded but I kept growing, learning, working on myself and through that, my heart was bursting out of my chest with the newness and excitement of everything going on.

It was on a train, on the way to my parents' house for Christmas that it hit me.

I fell in love. Wait, what? That was NOT supposed to happen.

It was the feeling of not wanting to be a part, of needing to be near him, of missing him the second we said goodbye that made me realize this for the first time but it was my mom who got me to admit it to myself.

On NYE, during the celebration (cough, champagne, cough), one of his friends let it slip to me that he was being transfered. I didn't tell you this yet but that uniform was that of the military and he was being moved... out of the country.

(Me blissfully enjoying myself, mere minutes before this news.)

I was no longer the cheerful person I had just moments ago been. My world started crashing around me. What did this mean?

On a whim, I put in my notice to my landlord and started selling everything I could. Everything else, I packed and drove to my mom's house... all within a couple of weeks time and without very much thought about where it would leave me.

Everyone told me I was crazy, including him. By all accounts of the word, I suppose I was but I'm also determined and I was insistent upon fighting for what I believe in and to me- that was our love.

One week after he got settled into his new city, I took a 22 hour bus across the border, waited at the terminal for 3 hours, then took a train to get to him with just a small bag, no home and no idea what was next...and so begins the next chapter: USA.

Scene from the next chapter:

A struggle with borders, questioning leads to interrogation... an embarrassing walk in by high authorities... a coastal move overseas and back... and much more. Hope to see you next time for Confessions of a Vegabond.

XOXO,