In this series I will explore the challenges of settling in to a new place (especially for a traveler), fitting back into a society (or a new city/country), give you some tips, as well as describe what I am personally going through and how I'm dealing with it.
So strap on, the ride is starting right now.
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Intro
This post is a prequel of sorts as I won't dive into what's happening in my life right now, the challenges I'm facing and how I'm planning to overcome them. I'll do that in later posts in this series. This post will dive into ideas on how to meet new people without putting in much of an effort.
"Not putting in a lot of effort? Just shut up and take my STEEM already".
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If you're not sold, I am. This works great for me as I'm an introvert and at times I can feel socially anxious when starting a conversation or joining one. That's why I use these kind of methods. Plus it's actually more efficient and you're more likely to meet someone you'll click with. And if you work in a regular 9-5 job you don't have that much time anyway.
I moved around a lot. Every year I started afresh (even though sometimes I stayed in the same place). I also love travelling. Therefore I always had to try new ways of meeting people without the need of "cold approaching" which is just way too scary for me most of the time. But cold approaching is also inefficient if you want to make friends with whom you'll get along with.
At university I didn't really party so I didn't meet people "the normal way" either.
A fellow Steemian wrote a post about how he made friends at Uni (College) "the normal way" and how he's worried that meeting people post-University will be hard.
I'm taking that a bit further.
So let's get to it.
How do you make good new friends in a new place, effectively
One word. Internet.
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I don't mean you're gonna try to make friends on the internet, and then maybe, after thousand lines worth of conversation meet in real life, and then realize that you guys don't actually connect.
No.
We'll be utilizing it as Internet is magical. It enables us to connect and find like-minded people so much easier then back-in-the days. You just have to know where to find them, or even better, how to make them come to you.
But before we start utilizing internet we need to understand what kind of people are we looking for.
An average person's way of meeting new people [AKA, a Side-rant]
Many people in their life meet other people by chance This is especially true for meeting the opposite sex. We let our circumstances and social circle dictate who we meet or who we date. If someone in your social circle doesn't know someone then that's it, we're not meant to interact with that person.
Maybe if we are in the same pub and slightly tipsy ... then maybe we could talk. That would be nice.
Or maybe we go to a same hobby-class together, like yoga. And maybe we strike up a conversation for few minutes here and there and our friendship slowly develops. And in a year or two, we are friends :).
I think we can agree that this is very limiting.
If you're not like that, then congratulations. I wish I could say I'm not like that. Most of the time I am hoping for a stranger to start a conversation with me and that way changing my social circumstances. This is actually hilarious when I hope it will be a awesome and gorgeous attractive woman :D.
Though it doesn't work like that.
Let's get back on track though.
Characteristics of your future friend
So you want new people in your life. But what kind of people? That's important. You want to be surrounded by the best people for what you want to achieve or focus on right now.
Do you want to get buff? Get new fitness friends.
Do you want to have meaningful conversations? Meet people that are philosophically inclined.
Do you want to have someone to go hiking with? ... And so on.
So few questions to ask yourself before you start searching and utilizing the websites and methods described below:
- What kind of people do you enjoy? What activities would those kind of people do?
- What do you want to achieve or what activity you want to try out/do? Where do you meet people who are already into this?
- What are your hobbies that you wanna share with others (eg. cooking)? How can you attract people like that to your social circle?
- What do you like to do? Will you meet people you'd enjoy spending time with doing that?
I'll go through some answers at the end to give you a better idea, but now, let's jump into:
The methods
Once you have your answers you know what kind of people you want to meet. You might even know at what kind of events you'd find them or where they'd go. So let's utilize the internet to find places like that or even create one.
Social Gathering Websites
These websites were created for meeting new people around your interests. The obvious one is meetup.com but that's not that popular outside of US and London. So here's a list of few
- meetup.com, couchsurfing.com, facebook.com/events , Your-Local-What-Is-Happening-In-The-Area-Website
For me, the best one is couchsurfing.com (CS) as I love travelling so I'm likely to meet people who love it too there and/or travellers. CS is my preferred way of meeting people when travelling. I check out the local events there and if it's intriguing I join it. Though many events on here (at least in places with shitty weather) will happen in a pub which is not my preference. But people often post various events, from hikes, BBQs, etc. And you can post your own event there as well. Couchsurfing and Meetup.com are very popular with expats so you'll meet people that are in the similar situation than you - being in a new city and a new country and not knowing anyone - so you already have something strong to bond over. For many people, this is already enough to build a strong friendship.
The centralized social giant. Most people use Facebook very extensively. Companies and event organizers, too. So it's a good tool that can be utilized to find an event or people you want to hang out with.
First thing you should do is to find places (organizations, cafees, pubs, FB Groups, etc.) that you might be interested in, like an organization that organizes Vegan Dinners, or Anarchist lectures, or Language exchange. Whatever you want to do, you'll probably find a page or a group dedicated for that in your local area. Then you can check out the event pages of those places. And while you are at it, subscribe to their events so you won't miss out. If you find a group, keep an eye on it as people are likely to post some cool events related to the topic of that group. If not, just ask. Or better yet, organize something yourself and publish it there.
Another way to find out about new and interesting events are actually FB event ads. Once FB knows you are in the new location you are likely to receive a targetted ads from organizations that think that you'd be interested in their events or a page. I found out this way about some great Movement Classes in my last location and there's no way I'd find them otherwise. I tried, trust me.
Some evil can bring a bit of good, too :).
Google for your interests and search for some local groups or organizations. They might have some information on their websites or talk about different events. If you combine that with the above recomendation of using FB then you're guaranteed to have lots of interesting events to join in couple weeks.
Join Local Classes
This might be obvious but go ahead and join that local yoga class or climbing gym. I made fun of it before (because of my social fear and therefore likely failure using this method) but it is a great way to meet people. You just have to eliminate your social fears and be a bit socially calibrated and you'll meet some amazing people. And if you are passionate about the particular interest or topic then this is the best way to meet people with whom you'll connect over it.
And they'll love you and want to connect with you if you show your passion about it.
Dating Sites
Yes, you can meet friends on dating sites. Though it should be a dating site that has good profiles on there where people can tell a bit about themselves. A good example (and only I'm aware of) is OKCupid. It has a very interesting way of telling you how much you match with someone based on asnwering various fun questions, even about politics.
And you can search for people and fitler them out based on their interests or a word they mentioned in their profile. And that match percentile is a good indicator as well, so if you are matching 90 % with someone, chances are you'd get along really well so you could be at least good friends who'd have awesome discussions together.
Honorable Mention
And of course, you can meet people by being socail and engaging everyone you meet in your day-to-day life. And I think it's a great way to work on your social skills. But also as an introvert, I understand it's very tiring so it's not the easiest, or even the most ideal approach at the beginning, especially if you've never done it before.
But I urge you to give it a go.
I will be talking more about what I'm going to do to regain my social freedom when it comes to starting conversations in my later posts. It will be my way of staying acountable. So follow me and bash me if I don't do it :). This is your chance. I will even give away STEEM if I don't.
And I think that's especially important as going to all these events is not enough if you don't actually connect with people there (I've been there, done that :D).
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Sample answers
Now that you know some techniques, let me give you an example of some answers (which might or might not be true for myself).
- I enjoy people that are interested in decentralized society and way of being, or just alternative lifestyle or opinion. These kind of people would join different groups that are related to this, like Libertarian/Anarchist and/or hippie groups, events, gatherings, etc.
So I'll find a group like Students For Liberty and go to an event organized by them. - I want to work on my climbing and I'd meet people like that in a climbing gym. Or in a FB group.
- I love cooking with others. I can create an event on different websites where I invite people over to my house so we cook together based on some theme. (Done this before, that's how I made friends at Uni)
- I like playing music. It can be a good way to arrange a meeting with someone, though simply by playing music I won't meet people. But there are different places I could go to and meet/jam with people.
Post some of your answers in the comments, too. I'm curious about other people's hobbies or how they'd use this to meet new people.
Or if you want another pair of eyes to go through your action plan.
Or if you wanna be held accountable.
Also, if after reading all this you don't know how you'd go about meeting new people, give me a shout and I'll help you out. There are many different creative ways that everything can be utilized together and a perfect system for you can be created that utilizes your top strengths.
For example, for me my top strength is one-on-one conversations. I know that if I talk with someone one on one there's a good chance we'll love each other at the end of that if we have already something to bond over. And I'm proud of this as I worked towards this :D.
And as always, any comment and feedback is welcome.
One question I might have, what do you think of the length of this post?
About the Author;
Hi, I am Joe and I love freedom.
Freedom of all sorts, social, financial, emotional, physical, freedom from your stuff or place.
My biggest passion is to show that it is possible to live life being free, work towards my freedom, and help others obtain their own versions of freedom.
I also love exploration and experimentation (of all senses).
My articles are about all of this (Freedom, exploration, experimentation)
as well as my own transparent and authentic experiences.