I didn't think that Asians like me could get a sunburn this bad.
I mean like, I've seen white people turning into red lobsters after sunbathing, BUT I'M NOT WHITE. In fact, I thought I was an exception because, at a young age, we were thrown into marching under the hot sun for HOUR, EVERY YEAR, from age 10 until 18.
Anyhow, I didn't want to spend 370baht (about RM35) on a sunscreen at a Krabi, a touristy place.
... so I ended up looking like this.
Not only I was red, I was bloated all over and my pretty eyes have been reduced to slits.
Like drawing 2 lines across a red potato with a ball point pen, that kind of slit.
This is by far the worst I've ever been burnt and I thought I might need to go to the hospital. My skin was HOT to the touch for throughout the holiday. This episode had intensified my paranoia of getting skin cancer, because my entire body was hurt so badly. When I showered, it felt like the showerhead was raining down needles onto my body and I am not exaggerating.
Took me two sessions of aloe vera massage to feel better overall.
Here's a photo of me in the beginning of the trip for comparison.
WTF did I do to get sunburnt like that? Not much, apparently. All we did was go island hopping on a boat for 4 hours. But due to seasickness and motion sickness, my dudes and I went to sit outside at the dock for the breeze.
Idk what was I thinking that time but TRUST ME, if you were in my position, you will definitely choose getting sunburnt over vomitting in front of strangers on a boat ride.
Also, since I kinda ruined my skin to snap photos, I might as well share them with y'all here before I move on to describe my experience at a stripper's club.
^ Swimming towards that big dick that makes girls wet.
^ Mandatory roundhouse kick photo at the beach if you're practicing some martial arts.
^ Steady at the sea. What? You wanna hear me talk about the strippers already, is it?
Patience, you horny children. I'm not done yet.
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^ A very SFW and appropriate photo of me spreading my legs.
Took everything in me to not share this photo. But I guess even everything is not enough.
^ The canoe tour to the mangrove is the best part of my 4D3N trip to Krabi. I wish we didn't go island hopping and spent it all exploring the caves and waterways.
Okay, you want to hear about strippers, right?
My Adventure at a Stripper Club
No, the girls here are not the strippers.
They are the ones who introduced us to the strip club right upstairs Chang Bar.
No photos allowed at the stripper club at this point so I'll just try to be descriptive with words and gifs.
So among the seven of us in the group, there's only ONE STRAIGHT GUY here. Let's just call him Straight Dudebro, you guys can go ahead and guess who is who. The not-so-straight guy, we'll refer to him as Gay Dudebro though he isn't like 100% gay.
So here we are, 5 girls and 2 boys walking into the strip club and the first things we see are boobs.
3 Thai girls dancing at the pole on stage, and because of the stereotype I'm wondering who's real and who's a trap *cough *ladyboy * cough *.
Ya, something like that, but all Asian chicks. So the seven of us just went and sat down at a long table, and us girls be wondering if we could ever pull something like that off in the US or UK for some extra cash.
Not me I guess, I'm flat as a board and look more like a pumpkin than a pear.
Anyhow, 3 to 4 stripper girls immediately came to the table (they're dressed by now) and start getting all touchy with both my dudebros. Straight Dudebro was enjoying the attention while Gay Dudebro is politely refusing the chicks who got the hint that he's probably gay after 30 minutes.
So I guess it's true that straight people don't really have a functioning gaydar.
So right now, about 4 chicks have diverted their attention to Straight Dudebro and everyone just sits there awkwardly and watched the drama. They force their cleavage into his face, and Gay Dudebro the girls are starting to feel uncomfortable.
Straight Dudebro begins feeling weirded out by the striking unbalance, so he starts pointing at me shouting:
"LESBIAN! THIS ONE IS A LESBIAN!"
At this point, I felt like castrating this fucker.
So that's how Stripper Number 1 came to me and asked to sit on my chair. I'm like "okay you can sit on my chair" and so I got off the chair.
Straight Dudebro and alllll the other strippers were like "NO NO, YOU SIT ON CHAIR."
Dafuq okay, so I went and sit on the chair again. And she asked to sit on my chair again. The message I get is that she wants to share a chair with me, maybe trying to seduce me or something. So okay, I moved my butt to the side so that she has a space to sit.
Fucking Straight Dudebro forced my legs open and the stripper came and sit right there on that tiny chair space in between my legs.
As I'm trying to psych myself out of this culture shock, I see Stripper Number 2 ordering a really petite and shy girl to entertain Gay Dudebro, like at least talk to him. So Petite Stripper (I'm assuming their intern stripper) obeyed their orders, and pulled a chair to sit next to Gay Dudebro.
At this point, the 4 girls who came with us got really uncomfortable, so they left.
Now it's even more awkward. Petite Stripper is really uptight while Gay Dudebro is trying to cheer her up WITH NO PHYSICAL CONTACT. I'm just here like a cash mine, because Stripper Number 1 keeps telling me she wants to drink and begs me to buy her beers and shit and I can't say no. Keep in mind I keep sighing every time I take out my wallet but of course she doesn't give a shit because her job is to make customers spend money at the club.
It's only been 45 minutes and I can't wait to get out of this place.
Gay Dudebro finally speaks up about feeling uncomfortable and wanting to go back to the hotel, so we did.
45 minutes later and 50 bucks poorer, we walk back to our hotel rooms and Gay Dudebro was on the verge of tears.
"What's wrong?"
"I just can't live in this world anymore. You know just now that petite stripper they forced her to talk to me? I found out that we are the same age. SHE IS WORKING IN A STRIP CLUB WHILE WE ARE TRAVELING FROM PLACE TO PLACE."
Silence. Because... he has a point.
"What if she's working here because her mother has cancer and needs the money to buy medicine?? And she's forced to do this?? She looked so scared and like she didn't have a choice!"
At this point, Gay Dudebro is tearing up and shaking his head, just praying to die at age 35.
That night was memorable, because somehow after a couple drinks and tears, everyone starts spiraling into an existential crisis in the middle of our holiday.
SO YEAH, that was the incident at a strip club. I'm sorry if you're expecting something NSFW.
Lesson: Don't drink too much the night before you go island-hopping. Hangover + seasick = 4 hour Gastric Crisis.